JP

JP jokes about masturbating until getting rug burn, dressing better without improving his prospects, culinary school, weed as secret ingredient, and looking like Hey Arthur mixed with Saddam Hussein.

• Masturbated so much got rug burn on genitals, started dressing better.
• Secret ingredient to every meal is pot, making him a huge drug.
• Looks like Hey Arthur and Saddam Hussein had a baby.

First-time comic discusses his wife's pregnancy and the semen analysis required before conception, riffing on absurd masturbation methods.

• Wife ordered semen analysis; jokes about spitting on genitals to masturbate.