Luke Schwartz
Luke Schwartz has performed on Kill Tony 3 times. Every appearance below, with set summaries and timestamps.
Appearances
Jokes about buying Dahmer glasses at Costco. Dental hygiene joke about only flossing when full of self-loathing. Bit about 2013 not being an expiration date for homophobia.
- Dahmer glasses from Costco work with your Dahmer face
- I only floss when full of self-loathing because then I deserve to bleed
- 2013 argument that homophobia has expiration date like milk, but prejudice doesn't expire
Luke's set about single guys carrying condoms hoping for sex emergencies, comparing it to carrying a knife for self-defense, and jokes about looking like a serial killer.
- Carrying condom won't help; only use case is if witnessing rape
- Carrying condom like carrying keys to Mercedes—won't attract the car
Material about instinctively being bad at things (bumping elbow), apocalypse survival, and running out of resources.
- Bumped elbow in shower, knew I'd be bad in zombie apocalypse
- We'll run out of water and tell kids long showers were amazing