Kill Tony #318
Lineup
Set: First-time comedian who works at the venue discusses complaints about the new Grinch movie and variations on it, including the Grinch stealing Memorial Day and bodies from soldier funerals.
Interview: Tony learns Andrew was found working in the kitchen, has been doing stand-up for about a year, is 25 years old, and works at the comedy club while doing other jobs. Discussion covers his drinking habits and limited hobbies.
- Grinch stealing Memorial Day and bodies from funerals, but returning them, then convincing police he didn't have sex with them.
Set: First-time comic talks about ECU college experiences, penny draft nights, and attempts a pickup line about being a finance major with a joke that falls flat.
Interview: Tony discovers Riley is 31, an engineering designer, builds skateboard ramps, drives Uber, recently married (3 months), and went to ECU in 2012. Wife is a histotechnologist.
- Finance major pickup line: 'you're a finance major cause you fine as hell' that never worked.
- Riley does commentary on his own failed jokes as they happen on stage.
Set: Visibly nervous first-time comedian discusses being Mexican, having five kids, working as a truck driver, and dealing with repressed anger and homosexuality.
Interview: Noe reveals he's first-time doing stand-up, shaking from nerves, from Stockton California, has a native American wife, served in Army as a tank driver, and did border patrol work.
- Wife fisting him, mentions being on drugs (psychiatric medication), discusses wife figuring him out.
- Noe visibly shaking on stage, admits extreme nervousness during first stand-up appearance.
- Tony makes extensive political commentary about immigration and border patrol.
Set: Six-year comedy veteran jokes about coffee enemas, being told he could model for a husky hipster company, and Oscar the Grouch's insecurities about his body.
Interview: Drew has been doing comedy for six years mostly in Raleigh, studied art (two degrees), works at UNC teaching 3D printing, married for two months, wife is a librarian.
- I like my coffee like my women: up the butt / coffee enema system that gives you a nice full feeling.
- Oscar the Grouch stays in his can because he's embarrassed about having big titties.
- The goth girl in front row and her boyfriend leave during Drew's set due to offensive content about heterosexual sex.
- The boyfriend stays after the girlfriend leaves; Tony buys him a shot.
Set: First-time comedian discusses working third shift at a pharmacy, encountering a prostitute, mistaking her for a fish because of her smell.
Interview: Everett works third shift at pharmacy, came to show on his day off, has two girlfriends (goth girl and her friend), the goth girl is mother of his 17-month-old child, from Charleston South Carolina.
- Prostitute comes into pharmacy, only identifies her by smell, thinks she's a fish out of water.
- Everett's two girlfriends walk out during his interview, then Tony manipulates them into coming back, creating dramatic moment.
- Tony realizes Everett planned the whole girlfriend drama to get on stage and hit Tony's vape pen multiple times.
Set: First-time comedian from Virginia discusses being short, trying to hook up with a taller girl, spraining his ankle while attempting sex, and never actually finishing.
Interview: David is first-time doing stand-up, from Virginia, his mom is in audience, does hardwood flooring for work, stands about 5'8"-5'11", plays acoustic guitar and sings.
- Tried to have sex with taller girl, had to get on tippy toes, sprained ankle, never came.
- David refuses to sing when asked multiple times, gets cut off and escorted off stage.
Set: Veteran comic discusses negative news headlines, uses a firefighter dying in a fire as example of bad journalism, suggests better framing of his career achievements.
Interview: Benjamin previously appeared on show in Corpus Christi, moved to Durham after leaving Navy, works for software company in customer support, grew new beard, lives with girlfriend Marcy in Texas.
- Firefighter dies in fire - bad headline. Should be 'Champion retires in blazing fashion' instead.
- Tony and Redban call Benjamin's girlfriend Marcy live during the show to ask inappropriate questions about infidelity and bestiality.
- Girlfriend admits to being attracted to the dog and discusses eating the dog's ass.
Set: Young comic jokes about girlfriend correcting him on how to blow his nose (snot rockets in sink), taking good shits and flexing in mirror.
Interview: Luke is 22, from High Point NC, repairs surgical instruments since age 19, moved out at 21, lost virginity at 19 in parents' bedroom, graduated early from college.
- Girlfriend teaches him to shoot snot rockets in sink instead of using tissue while blowing nose.
- Taking good shits and flexing in mirror as alternative workout routine.
- Tony and Redban call Luke's mother live during interview to confront him about losing virginity in her bed.
- Mother responds with 'God can see you Luke' referencing the mysterious person who walked in during the incident.
Set: First-time comedian from Florida talks about train ride to Raleigh, observes racism from black train conductor, discusses not knowing what else to say on stage.
Interview: Real name is Trent Register, 19 years old from St. Augustine Florida, rode train overnight for 9 hours, works as cook at Irish pub despite never cooking before, has goats.
- Train conductor told passenger to sit in coach - most racist thing he saw on the train.
Set: Comic from East LA describes his neighborhood and jokes about how far to travel to get away from violence, contrasts himself with North Carolina's safe communities.
Interview: Danny is from East LA, went to grad school in Pittsburgh (MBA), hired by tech company in Charlotte NC, does project management, 38 years old, Navy vet (radar operator), does photography.
- East LA neighborhood: so bad you drive past Beverly Hills and keep going. Hear gunshots to know you're there.
- Tony pulls out Gonzo Gonzalez to compare to Danny Mercado - both are Mexican comedians and appear similar, both have papers boy hats.
Set: Comic with cerebral palsy discusses recent breast surgery, pretending to be deaf to avoid giving money to homeless people, compares disabled people saying slurs to minorities using hard R's.
Interview: Caroline has been doing stand-up for over a year, performs 4-5 times a week, from Raleigh NC, brought to stage by other comedians helping her with her wheelchair.
- Had surgery so breasts are big, pretended to be deaf so wouldn't give money to homeless person.
- Disabled people saying slurs like watching Hispanic person use N-word - 'does she count' problem.
- Deaf people less racist because they can't enunciate hard R's.
- Caroline gets a standing ovation from audience after her set - only performer who doesn't stand up.
- Tony awards golden ticket to Caroline Smith for future Kill Tony appearance in LA.