Kill Tony Malcolm Hatchet
Guests: Malcolm Hatchet
Lineup
Set: Set about optimism despite neighbors' problems and dark humor about miscarriage jokes. Discussed army service, interrogation work, Afghanistan, shrapnel wounds, early retirement, and real estate career.
Interview: Discussed military background as rifleman and interrogator, wounded in combat, now pursuing real estate. Revealed Puerto Rican heritage, enjoys adrenaline activities, and journaling.
- Neighbors annoyed but sympathetic about funeral; dark joke about ex-girlfriend's miscarriage.
- Dark humor about ex-girlfriend's diet advice and miscarriage.
- Tony noted miscarriage joke seemed shrill and asked Chad to clarify his own material.
- Chad compared to Anthony Jeselnik but looks like 'Marvin Anthony' with turtleneck.
Set: Set about single mother raised her while dancing, childhood trauma with duct tape, watching porn, being happy about the bush comeback.
Interview: Six-year hiatus from stand-up, from St. Louis, living in Las Vegas since 2013, works in oil field in North Dakota, has steady boyfriend but used to be promiscuous.
- Mom was single mom who danced on weekends, narrator in duct tape.
- Happy bushes are back; watched a lot of porn.
- Bridget revealed she had sex with two brothers simultaneously at a dive bar.
- Panel made jokes about her appearance and body, compared to Tonya Harding and others.
Set: First time in Las Vegas, encountered toothless hobo singing Toni Braxton, tried self-help books to lose weight, lazy, drove with anxious dog.
Interview: From Seattle, travels yearly with friends, listens to Kill Tony, first time doing stand-up, in a band called Spicy Tunas that plays beach pop/yacht rock.
- Toothless hobo singing Toni Braxton at liquor store was charming encounter.
- Read self-help books, learned he's lazy and financially unprepared.
- Dog freaking out in car like she knew he was financially unprepared.
- Panel made extensive jokes about Robert's long hair and constant hair-touching.
- Compared to Ronda Rousey, Michael Bolton, and various Harry Potter characters.
- Robert sang a verse from his band Spicy Tunas on stage.
Set: Set about going to strip club with friend, saw Bridget stripping, comparing her climbing pole to koala and Mario descending flagpole, fireworks going off.
Interview: Greek, named after Vice President Spiro Agnew, 2 years stand-up and 13 years improv, all in Vegas, played semi-pro hockey as defenseman for 8 years, has 4-year girlfriend.
- Friend insisted on strip club with Black stripper, saw Bridget climb pole.
- Bridget climbing pole like koala seeking eucalyptus, descending like Mario.
- Spiro shared story about dating woman whose mom came into bedroom wearing lingerie.
- Panel joked that Spiro and Brian Redman look identical in shape.
Set: Set about people not admitting they watch porn, specific porn fantasy scenario, told daughter about it, going to hell but hell seems okay if you have sex.
Interview: 32 years old from Stockton California, audio engineer doing corporate work, writes short stories and used to write for magazines, has four daughters from different mothers.
- People won't admit watching porn about passed-out woman and seven midgets.
- Snow White porn scenario where girl looks like koala on pole.
- Hell has torture but torture changes if your dick is hard.
- Guttertown revealed ex-wife slept with his drummer and best friend, told him next morning.
- Tony taught lesson about not sleeping with girl you'll get anyway if you want mom.
Set: Only did 30 seconds about masturbating on plane and visit to Western Wall in Jerusalem, felt confused and heart pumping.
Interview: Second time ever on stage, from New Orleans, works for travel website for 6 years, whiskey drinker (Maker's Mark), gave multiple 30-second segments and read Tony's jokes.
- Flew from New Orleans, couldn't masturbate quietly in laboratory on plane.
- Western Wall reminds him of losing virginity, confused, heart pumping, smell of blood.
- Read Caitlyn Jenner book on plane, got halfway through.
- Mark only performed 30 seconds instead of full 60-second set.
- Tony had Mark read jokes from his notes to make him funny.
- Mark stage-dived at end of set and went unconscious.
Ichabod
Set: Set about loving Big Brother, watching it all summer, watching live feeds, considering applying to show, forming alliances.
Interview: Runs stand-up show Monday nights 8:00 at venue, legally died from jaw infection weeks ago, was resuscitated and pulled IV to get to show same night.
- Summer plan: crawl into bed, watch Big Brother continuously for three months.
- Watches so much Big Brother he's a superfan and tries to get friends to play.
- Ichabod revealed he legally died from jaw infection, was resuscitated, pulled IV to show up Monday night.
- Tony praised Ichabod's dedication and bravery for pursuing comedy despite health crisis.
Set: Set about exercising with back problems, got penis reduction surgery so back is brand-new, enough skin left for no condoms, read parents' book.
Interview: Wearing shirt saying 'Anything is Possible,' works with electricity and trainees, panel roasted his extremely thin legs extensively.
- Exercised to help back problems, got penis reduction surgery.
- Went to doctor for back help, finally got penis reduction.
- Left enough skin so doesn't need condoms anymore.
- Extensive panel roasting of Jay's extremely thin legs and calves.
- Multiple jokes about Jay's legs looking like stick, table, mic stand.
- Front rows hunched over unable to look directly at legs, wiping away tears.