Kill Tony #297 — Matt Braunger
Guests: Matt Braunger
Lineup
Set: Observations about hanging out with cheesy people, hating love songs on radio, comparing Anne Frank to a one-hit wonder.
Interview: First time doing stand-up after a one-year break. Lives in Vaughan. Works as a painter. Lost $5k-$10k gambling on poker. Struggles to identify his own talents.
- Result of five people you hang out with would make him cheesy bread and water bottle bong.
- Every Drake and Justin Bieber song is about love, but when JP sings about love he gets kicked out of Burrito Boys.
- Anne Frank is a one-hit wonder who wrote non-fiction but we'll never know if she could do fiction.
- Tony reveals JP's father allegedly put feces in Tony's father's lunchbox, escalating the 'beef' joke.
- JP receives the 'don't kill yourself' fist bump—noted as second ever in Kill Tony history.
Pete
Michel Raj
Stephen Mahoney
Set: First-timer discusses DNA ancestry tests, Asian representation in dating, stereotypes about Asian men (bad drivers, small dicks), and how low expectations mean he can only exceed them.
Interview: Just turned 30. Born and raised in Toronto. Works in social media for gun store (8k Instagram followers), also does YouTube gun reviews. Break dances as hobby. Doesn't get girls through breakdancing—mostly dudes involved.
- White people do ancestry DNA tests to find out if ancestors got 'creampied' by Black people.
- Asian men have it worse in dating market—70% of women won't even be enthusiastic about it.
- Asian stereotypes (bad drivers, small dick) are low bar, so he can only exceed expectations.
- Tony asks Robin to breakdance on stage; Robin delivers impressive breakdancing moves to crowd eruption.
- After Robin's breakdancing, Tony jokes JP Scarpelli (first comedian) killed himself again.
- Robin exits by parkour-jumping off stage, continuing the running bit of creative exits.
Jam Easy
Set: Former strip club DJ turned truck driver with one year stand-up experience. Graphic jokes about various types of vaginas (cold cuts, ice cream, absinthe), cunnilingus, explicit sex acts.
Interview: DJed at strip club, now drives truck. Been doing stand-up one year. Has girlfriend of 3 years. Had sex Tuesday. Got DJ name from hip-hop artist while working at strip club. 'Jam Easy' merchandise has white power symbol accidentally.
- Vaginas compared to cold cuts falling out of sandwich; considered calling Arby's to report.
- Some vaginas taste like ice cream on hot summer day, others like absinthe.
- Sometimes have to lick ass just to get bad vagina taste out of mouth.
- Jam Easy wears unofficial white power symbol hand gesture on merchandise; discusses accidental racist connotation.
- Jeremiah Watkins (as mafioso) tries to get Jam Easy to eat spaghetti and spit-feed it to him; Jam Easy refuses despite crowd pressure.
- Despite having girlfriend 3 years, spent first 57 seconds of set talking about eating various vulvas.
M Borden
Set: Boss celebrated National Boss Day by stripping nude and masturbating in office. Wren works for herself now. Jokes about men miscalculating measurements (four inches vs seven inches) in construction.
Interview: Second time on show after Los Angeles appearance. Been doing stand-up 9 months (same as Mark). Just completed second tour of US states. Active in Toronto comedy scene. Asked if she's given in to comedian advances; says 'once' but not with named comedians.
- Boss celebrated National Boss Day by getting drunk, stripping nude, and masturbating fiercely in office.
- Can't trust men to build houses because they think four inches are seven inches.
- Tony notes she's worked with Mark Corakionitis; both have exactly 9 months stand-up experience—calls them 'twinsies'.
- Sara mentions being hit on by comedians regularly; Tony asks if she's given in, gets vague 'once' answer.
- Show runs long; Tony cuts interview short due to time constraints at venue.