Kill Tony #348
Lineup
Set: Observational humor about fishing, island vacations, dog vet visits, childhood tree climbing, and sweater origins. Included instrumental music performance.
Interview: First-time performer from Minnesota who moved to Salt Lake City. Runs a guitar lesson studio and works for AT&T. Recently started keeping ant farms and makes instrumental metal music.
- Didn't catch fish on vacation, dog vet didn't fix dog but told war stories.
- Used to climb trees as kid, tried recently, people mad about living room.
- First-time performer successfully performs and even sings a line from his song after hesitation.
Set: Alaska vs Utah observations, commentary on women's behavior and cheating, Provo dudes comparison. References Alaskan girls acting like boys, Dixie basketball team innuendo.
Interview: 23-year-old first-timer from Alaska, high school sweetheart cheated with basketball player while he was in Utah. Now studying dental hygiene. Girlfriend still in Alaska.
- Girls in Alaska are like boys, act like dudes from Provo.
- Girlfriend cheated with Dixie basketball player, destroyed her like dicks.
- Joel Berg appears on stage during interview, interacting with Matthew.
Reynold
Set: Admits written jokes sucked, references meeting Jeremiah Watkins at prior Kill Tony event, mentions partying and music festivals. Criticizes The Comedy Store for being dark.
Interview: 32-year-old bartender from Taylorsville, Utah. Attends music festivals and raves nationwide. Met Jeremiah at Comedy Store Thanksgiving show. Getting married in two weeks, has distinctive mustache.
- Comedy Store is a dark room, prefers it brighter than current venue.
- Reynold insults The Comedy Store, generating strong negative audience reaction and awkward tension.
- Reveals he's getting married in two weeks, wife wants mustache removed.
Set: Preference for sensitive men over masculine guys, wanting boyfriend to cry during sex. Describes ideal man as 'hetero light,' just gay enough to appreciate Ryan Reynolds.
Interview: Seven-month comedian, single mom of 7-year-old girl and 4-year-old boy. Boyfriend is corporate sales trainer with four kids (ages 15, 13, 11, 9). Moving in together that weekend.
- Wants boyfriend 'hetro light' - gay enough to obsess over Ryan Reynolds.
- Boyfriend likes musicals and eating pussy, perfect sensitive guy combo.
- Strong crowd connection and energy throughout set, praised by Tony for engaging audience.
Set: Jokes about last name pronunciation as 'diarrhea,' helium porn concept, small penis audition rejection, millennial Hitler smoking Juul pods.
Interview: 21-year-old fourth-month comedian from Salt Lake. Works at recycling center crushing cans. Got fired from plumbing job in winter. Enjoys improv comedy and musicals. Father is pastor in Tennessee.
- Last name 'Lebrens' mistaken for French word meaning diarrhea at open mic.
- Helium porn: white girl porn but sounds like Asians, funny premise.
- Young performer awkward rap attempt during interview, attempts to freestyle.
Set: Sickness symptoms and stuffy nose cocaine reference, new girlfriend reverse cowgirl position, family values turn around joke.
Interview: Third-time performer, born in Mexico, came to Salt Lake at age 5 with family using someone else's papers. Works in cabinet shop. Plays video games, smokes weed. Father owned peacocks.
- When sick and can't breathe, tempted to do cocaine instead.
- Girlfriend wants reverse cowgirl, he says shouldn't turn back on family.
- Reveals came to US illegally at age 5, nearly deported on return visit.
- Father owned three peacocks which they killed and ate.
Cade
Set: Turned 29, hasn't accomplished much except moving out of mom's basement. References friend Tyrell's harsh dating criticism. One-liner about fat dudes being unfuckable.
Interview: 29-year-old first-time performer works for Teraflex making Jeep suspension parts. Likes hiking and fishing. Used to sit on rock as child to hold in feces.
- Moved out of mom's basement, she now has single-level house.
- Friend Tyrell told him nobody wants to fuck a fat dude.
- Reveals bizarre childhood behavior of sitting on rock to hold in feces.
- Attempts and fails at push-ups during interview after being challenged.
Set: Acknowledges recent quarter-pounder consumption, brief joke about CrossFit gym membership he hasn't used in three years, joke about holding in feces since 2006.
Interview: 26-year-old first-timer, works for solar company. Married five years to dental assistant. Has two brothers also signed up. From 30-40 minutes away, prayed before set.
- Signed up for CrossFit gym three years ago, still hasn't shown up.
- Shortest set of the night at 27 seconds with minimal prepared material.
Set: Second appearance on Kill Tony. References puppet from Saul appearance. Romantic shout-out to punk girl with face tattoo arrested on Cops season 31. Offers commissary money if she reaches out.
Interview: Second-ever stage performance. Has tattooed eyeballs black for two years (not removable). Works as full-time glassblower and part-time blindfolded fire poi performer. Likes 1930s animation, Betty Boop.
- Puppet from Saul reference, romantic pitch to arrested punk girl on Cops.
- Reveals permanent black eyeball tattoos, two years duration, performed in Pittsburgh.
- Reveals he's a full-time glassblower and blindfolded fire poi performer.
Brian Higgans
Kevin Doty
Set: Computers will take over world theory. Compares everyday laptop to hairless cat. Hairless cat masturbating as biological warfare analogy. Laptops of future will view modern ones as ancestors.
Interview: One-and-a-half-year comedian, eight-year Navy veteran, former pro wrestler (ACL injury). Works part-time as rock climbing guide. Hosts open mic. Recently fucked fat woman at his pool table.
- Hairless cat masturbating in front of you is like biological warfare.
- Computers will judge ancestors like hairless cats, biological warfare concept.
- Crowd erupts with strong laughter during set despite Tony's initial confusion.
- Admits to fucking fat woman, detailed pool table bet and sexual details.