Missy Martinez
Missy Martinez has performed on Kill Tony 11 times. Every appearance below, with set summaries and timestamps.
Appearances
Porn star returning for comedy. Set about being in MILF category, body changes, considering MMA/UFC, volunteering at suicide hotline, getting into politics with crude references to sexual positions.
- In MILF category now with body of recently pregnant woman
- Volunteering at suicide hotline while discussing how hard life is
- Politics career natural fit since dresses have semen stains
Adult comedy about being a porn star, dating difficulty due to explicit content online, anal sex mishaps, and faking orgasms. Heavy shock humor with SVU references and horse-related opening.
- No magic left in dating because her butthole is on internet
- Broke hymen riding a horse; uncle called his dick a horse
Missy discusses getting older in porn industry, longer recovery time from booths, implants only 3 years old, needing to stretch before scenes, and plans to quit when she needs pre-chewed food.
- Implants only 3 years old but body requiring more recovery time
- Will quit porn when needs pre-chewed food like baby bird
Missy discusses her irrational fear of teeth falling out, being homeschooled while doing porn, and daddy contacts in her phone.
- Meth will rot my teeth in 3-5 years; that's good news compared to other concerns.
- Homeschooled means no high school classmates saying I suck dicks for money; only my brother and dad know.
Adult industry performer discusses parallels between porn stars and comedians: drug overdose and rectal trauma statistics, both sucking dicks to get ahead, Seven-inch black objects in mouths, disappointing fathers.
- Porn stars and comedians have identical statistics on death and trauma
- Both have spent time with seven-inch black things near mouths
- Both have equally disappointed fathers with career choices
Missy discussed her mother thinking she's being sex trafficked due to her porn work, her mother's unwillingness to perform certain sex acts with her father, and jokes about blacking mail for retirement.
- Mother thinks she's sex trafficked, saw movie Taken after learning about porn
- Mother explains won't perform sex act because he pees from there
- Plan to blackmail congressman for retirement instead of working
Missy discusses being exceptionally good at incestuous roleplay (adult film work), comparing herself to Philip Seymour Hoffman. Jokes about heroin addiction, eating cookie dough in shower, and knowing she'll die of rectal trauma at Charlie Sheen's house.
- Philip Seymour Hoffman of incestuous roleplay; very good at taboo brother/sister
- Will die of rectal trauma at Charlie Sheen's house; made peace with it
- Looking for the heroin addiction high in eating cookie dough and sobbing
Missy, self-described porn star, does bits about her vagina looking like twice-baked potato, putting legs behind head at movies, dropping to knees at spa for 'facial', and trying to buy pearl necklaces but creeping out Korean lady.
- Vagina looks like twice-baked potato
- Puts legs behind head at movies, disruptive at funerals
- Gets confused with 'facial' at spa, creeps out Korean lady
Second-time performer (less than a month in) with sex dreams about Breadstix and Olive Garden, yeast infections, home brewing beer, and Planned Parenthood weight loss joke.
- Sex dreams about herself at Breadstix; can't go to Olive Garden due to yeast infections.
- Planned Parenthood as weight loss place; lost 8 pounds, 2 ounces; getting stamp card filled.
Porn star first-time stand-up about being tight as JonBenét Ramsey when alive, not being molested despite hard practice, homeschooling leading to sexual experience, homecoming/prom queen.
- Porn star for four years, tight as murdered JonBenét Ramsey when alive.
- Wasn't molested despite trying hard; had lots of sex practice homeschooled.
- Had lots of practice with boys, was homecoming and prom queen.
Veteran performer with set about porn industry suicides, mental illness, bipolar medication, seizure disorders, OCD, and depression. Dark humor about vibrators, foot jobs, and suicide methods.
- Mental illness and porn don't go hand-in-hand, bipolar med only works 50%
- OCD prevents doing dirty scenes, saves money on vibrators
- Depression foot jobs easier to pull shotgun trigger with toe