Kill Tony #35 — Bert Kreischer, Tom Segura
Guests: Bert Kreischer · Tom Segura
Lineup
Set: Set about growing up on a ranch in Arizona with no talent for music or sports, focusing on whittling as a hobby. Made jokes about earbuds falling out, peeling potatoes, and Arizona culture.
Interview: Discussed doing stand-up for about a year, his appearance and stage presence. Panel complimented his confidence and looks, advised him to do open mics more frequently to build comfort.
- Whittling as a useful skill that can make drumsticks, wands, or prison shanks.
- Earbuds falling out preventing music listening, unlike sports talent.
- Peeling potatoes is useful unlike whittling unless you already have knife skills.
- Tony and panel coach Nick on joke construction, explaining the earbud setup-punchline structure worked better in hindsight.
- Panel encourages more frequent open mic performances to build stage comfort.
Set: Set about receiving unsolicited dick pics and creative ways to send them, featuring jokes about 'Dick Vader' and 'Dick Infinity' using mirrors.
Interview: Panel workshopped the dick pic joke, discussing response texts, creative angles, and how to expand the premise into longer material about different types of photos.
- Ex-boyfriend backlighting his penis to look like Darth Vader, called 'Dick Vader'.
- Using two mirrors to create infinite reflection of penis, called 'Dick Infinity'.
- Extended workshopping of the dick pic bit with panel suggesting expansion into 7+ minute premise with different photo types.
- Panel discusses adding scale comparisons and other creative photo variations to expand the joke.
Set: Set about moving to LA and discovering Snoop Dogg has a GPS voice assistant that gives hip-hop themed directions. Made jokes about the GPS included a police detector.
Interview: Panel clarified the GPS is real, coached her to sell the premise as factual before adding lies, and suggested doing a better Snoop impression. Discussed expanding beyond premise-driven jokes.
- Snoop Dogg GPS gives pimp-themed directions like 'keep your pimp hand strong'.
- GPS includes built-in police detector that goes off when driving past police station.
- Tony clarifies that Snoop Dogg's GPS is actually real, then coaches her to sell reality before adding fiction.
- Panel praises her stage presence and encourages moving away from premise-based jokes toward personal material.
Skyler
Set: True story about finding a naked man in a porn theater while working as a bouncer. Jokes about the homeless man watching and the guy being high on Molly.
Interview: Panel coached him to expand the story to 7+ minutes, develop bouncer character voice, and create actual punchlines rather than just reactions. Discussed building credibility through specific details.
- Guy stripping naked in porn theater; bouncer asks why and guy says high on Molly.
- Panel suggests expanding the single story to full 7-minute set with detailed observation of bouncer life.
- Bert acts out bouncer enforcement role to demonstrate how character voice could improve the material.
- Panel praises his genuine bouncer appearance and suggests ending with punchline about not sleeping with strippers.
Set: Set about wanting to be a cheerleader for Halloween and mother's anti-war pacifist response, creating a 'Peace cheerleader' costume. Included childhood anti-war activism.
Interview: Panel praised her high energy and stage presence but advised using it as a knockout punch rather than maintaining 10/10 energy throughout. Suggested starting slow and building.
- Wanted cheerleader costume; mother made 'Peace cheerleader' costume with peace signs.
- Bert suggests starting slow and building energy rather than opening at maximum intensity.
- Tony mentions needing to use bathroom but staying for the show, discussing professionalism.
Set: Second-time performer (less than a month in) with sex dreams about Breadstix and Olive Garden, yeast infections, home brewing beer, and Planned Parenthood weight loss joke.
Interview: Panel impressed by her comfort and projection improvement. Extensive discussion about using her porn background as unique comedy perspective, avoiding stereotypes, and using analogies instead of explicit descriptions.
- Sex dreams about herself at Breadstix; can't go to Olive Garden due to yeast infections.
- Planned Parenthood as weight loss place; lost 8 pounds, 2 ounces; getting stamp card filled.
- Bert extensive discussion on using porn industry lexicon and perspective as comedy advantage rather than just talking about sex.
- Panel explains how physical attractiveness can distract from material and advises awareness of presentation.
- Bert shares detailed sexual analogies and techniques to demonstrate how to discuss sex without being explicit.
Set: Set about foodie friend and scones being five-day-old muffins. Jokes about poor people eating muffins vs rich people eating scones, raisin variations.
Interview: Panel praised her specific premise setup and comedic voice, comparing her style to Chris Rock's clarity. Discussed how her natural specificity helps jokes land better.
- Scones are just five-day-old muffins with butter and sugar removed.
- Poor people eat muffins; only rich people eat scones.
- Tom praises her natural ability to set up premises specifically before delivering punchlines.
Set: Set about college heartbreak, boyfriend wearing her t-shirts to bed, and realizing boyfriend was unfaithful with someone named Chunks. Jokes about knowing what she wants vs doesn't want in partners.
Interview: Panel praised the t-shirt detail as specific and funny. Discussed how ex's wardrobe choices signaled the infidelity. Noted she dropped out of Florida State to pursue stand-up comedy.
- Boyfriend blew chunks; two weeks later found out 'Chunks' was a fat guy.
- Boyfriend wearing her t-shirts to bed was sign he was unfaithful.
- Now knows she wants loyal partner, not another guy.
- Panel notes the t-shirt detail as particularly effective visual and funny callback.
- Tony reveals Kim dropped out of Florida State during her senior year to pursue stand-up.