Kill Tony #35 — Bert Kreischer, Tom Segura
Guests: Bert Kreischer · Tom Segura
Lineup
Set: Set about growing up on a ranch in Arizona with no talent for music or sports, focusing on whittling as a hobby. Made jokes about earbuds falling out, peeling potatoes, and Arizona culture.
Interview: Discussed doing stand-up for about a year, his appearance and stage presence. Panel complimented his confidence and looks, advised him to do open mics more frequently to build comfort.
- Whittling as a useful skill that can make drumsticks, wands, or prison shanks.
- Earbuds falling out preventing music listening, unlike sports talent.
- Peeling potatoes is useful unlike whittling unless you already have knife skills.
- Tony and panel coach Nick on joke construction, explaining the earbud setup-punchline structure worked better in hindsight.
- Panel encourages more frequent open mic performances to build stage comfort.
Set: Set about receiving unsolicited dick pics and creative ways to send them, featuring jokes about 'Dick Vader' and 'Dick Infinity' using mirrors.
Interview: Panel workshopped the dick pic joke, discussing response texts, creative angles, and how to expand the premise into longer material about different types of photos.
- Ex-boyfriend backlighting his penis to look like Darth Vader, called 'Dick Vader'.
- Using two mirrors to create infinite reflection of penis, called 'Dick Infinity'.
- Extended workshopping of the dick pic bit with panel suggesting expansion into 7+ minute premise with different photo types.
- Panel discusses adding scale comparisons and other creative photo variations to expand the joke.
Set: Set about moving to LA and discovering Snoop Dogg has a GPS voice assistant that gives hip-hop themed directions. Made jokes about the GPS included a police detector.
Interview: Panel clarified the GPS is real, coached her to sell the premise as factual before adding lies, and suggested doing a better Snoop impression. Discussed expanding beyond premise-driven jokes.
- Snoop Dogg GPS gives pimp-themed directions like 'keep your pimp hand strong'.
- GPS includes built-in police detector that goes off when driving past police station.
- Tony clarifies that Snoop Dogg's GPS is actually real, then coaches her to sell reality before adding fiction.
- Panel praises her stage presence and encourages moving away from premise-based jokes toward personal material.
Skyler
Set: True story about finding a naked man in a porn theater while working as a bouncer. Jokes about the homeless man watching and the guy being high on Molly.
Interview: Panel coached him to expand the story to 7+ minutes, develop bouncer character voice, and create actual punchlines rather than just reactions. Discussed building credibility through specific details.
- Guy stripping naked in porn theater; bouncer asks why and guy says high on Molly.
- Panel suggests expanding the single story to full 7-minute set with detailed observation of bouncer life.
- Bert acts out bouncer enforcement role to demonstrate how character voice could improve the material.
- Panel praises his genuine bouncer appearance and suggests ending with punchline about not sleeping with strippers.
Set: Set about wanting to be a cheerleader for Halloween and mother's anti-war pacifist response, creating a 'Peace cheerleader' costume. Included childhood anti-war activism.
Interview: Panel praised her high energy and stage presence but advised using it as a knockout punch rather than maintaining 10/10 energy throughout. Suggested starting slow and building.
- Wanted cheerleader costume; mother made 'Peace cheerleader' costume with peace signs.
- Bert suggests starting slow and building energy rather than opening at maximum intensity.
- Tony mentions needing to use bathroom but staying for the show, discussing professionalism.
Set: Second-time performer (less than a month in) with sex dreams about Breadstix and Olive Garden, yeast infections, home brewing beer, and Planned Parenthood weight loss joke.
Interview: Panel impressed by her comfort and projection improvement. Extensive discussion about using her porn background as unique comedy perspective, avoiding stereotypes, and using analogies instead of explicit descriptions.
- Sex dreams about herself at Breadstix; can't go to Olive Garden due to yeast infections.
- Planned Parenthood as weight loss place; lost 8 pounds, 2 ounces; getting stamp card filled.
- Bert extensive discussion on using porn industry lexicon and perspective as comedy advantage rather than just talking about sex.
- Panel explains how physical attractiveness can distract from material and advises awareness of presentation.
- Bert shares detailed sexual analogies and techniques to demonstrate how to discuss sex without being explicit.
Set: Set about foodie friend and scones being five-day-old muffins. Jokes about poor people eating muffins vs rich people eating scones, raisin variations.
Interview: Panel praised her specific premise setup and comedic voice, comparing her style to Chris Rock's clarity. Discussed how her natural specificity helps jokes land better.
- Scones are just five-day-old muffins with butter and sugar removed.
- Poor people eat muffins; only rich people eat scones.
- Tom praises her natural ability to set up premises specifically before delivering punchlines.
Set: Set about college heartbreak, boyfriend wearing her t-shirts to bed, and realizing boyfriend was unfaithful with someone named Chunks. Jokes about knowing what she wants vs doesn't want in partners.
Interview: Panel praised the t-shirt detail as specific and funny. Discussed how ex's wardrobe choices signaled the infidelity. Noted she dropped out of Florida State to pursue stand-up comedy.
- Boyfriend blew chunks; two weeks later found out 'Chunks' was a fat guy.
- Boyfriend wearing her t-shirts to bed was sign he was unfaithful.
- Now knows she wants loyal partner, not another guy.
- Panel notes the t-shirt detail as particularly effective visual and funny callback.
- Tony reveals Kim dropped out of Florida State during her senior year to pursue stand-up.
Interview: Bert discussed his favorite roller coaster at Cedar Point (Diamondback), getting stuck upside down on Top Thrill Dragster at 410 feet, and his travels for Bert the Conqueror. Extended discussions about early comedy material including a cheeseburger joke and detailed sexual content.
- Bert shares experience getting stuck on Top Thrill Dragster at Cedar Point going 120mph upside down.
- Bert discusses his old cheeseburger joke from early comedy days involving jacking off into food.
Tom Segura
Interview: Tom discussed his roller coaster injuries from The Beast and Mean Streak at Cedar Point and Kings Island, explained the Bristol stool chart on air, and contributed coaching feedback to multiple performers about premise setup and specificity.
- Tom explains Bristol stool chart medical scale with seven categories of stool consistency on air.
- Tom references breaking his neck on The Beast at Kings Island roller coaster.
Interview: Iron Josh served as replacement security guard in Iron Patriot costume (later iron Mervis). Tony joked about the costume quality and tested if he could sit down and function better than the original Iron Patriot.
- Tony tests Iron Josh's ability to sit on a stool, unlike original Iron Patriot.
- Tony jokes that Iron Josh is better than Iron Patriot because he can sit and drink water.