Kill Tony #167 — David Arquette, Steve Simeone
Guests: David Arquette · Steve Simeone
Lineup
Set: Set about online dating apps like Tinder, saposexual attraction, and the statistics of Asian women on dating platforms. Ended with a story about how he met his high school girlfriend at an ice rink.
Interview: Discussed his background from Lancaster, California, his work in post-production, and his passion for hockey. Revealed he left a note in his girlfriend's glove asking her to be his girlfriend, though they broke up after 6 months.
- 75% of girls on Tinder are Asian, 100% of Asians will double-check the math.
- Saposexual means attracted to intelligence but everyone on Tinder claims it while being dumb.
- Told story about breaking up with high school girlfriend at ice rink when Zamboni guy arrived.
Set: Set about hitchhiking from Detroit, old prostitution jokes, and GPS technology. Discussed how main and reserve parachutes work and made wordplay about cats and sheep.
Interview: Discussed being from Detroit, visiting Los Angeles for 2 weeks, speaking sign language and Spanish, deaf culture, and his relationship status. Panel engaged with topics about deaf people and dating.
- Hitchhike mouth tired joke - oldest profession prostitution joke setup.
- Two cats plus a sheep do not equal payment for sex.
- Panel extensively discussed deaf culture and whether deaf people are more likely to be gay.
- Revealed he speaks sign language and Spanish, leading to panel coaching about incorporating into comedy.
Set: Dark comedy set about his alcoholic father from the 1980s, broken promises related to his level of intoxication, and the kindness of paramedics on Christmas morning.
Interview: Discussed his appearance as very white/albino, his background from Michigan now living in New York, owning a skateboard shop, and traveling to China where he had a threesome.
- How drunk dad was could be predicted by what he promised the night before.
- Dad promised to buy any car but vomited an hour later instead.
- Tony complimented Max's dark humor about his father's alcoholism, noting it was well-crafted.
Set: Set about buying a couch on Craigslist and inviting a stranger to their apartment, joke about being too weak to defend themselves. Discussed wanting to do stand-up for a living and worrying about disappointing her father by not being a son.
Interview: Discussed graduating from Harvard, being in Los Angeles for comedy, her father's desire for a son, dating history (Korean American and current white boyfriend), and experiences with cleaning services. Panel praised her material.
- Bought couch on Craigslist, stranger now knows where they live and they're weak.
- Wants to do stand-up but worries about disappointing father who wanted a son.
- Panel noted Sierra schooled all previous comedians with Harvard-level material at age 21.
- Three-year storyline callback - audience has watched Sierra grow from age 18 at Harvard to graduated 21.
Set: Set about trying to date smart guys in youth, having children with a rich man, redefining words for jobs, and needing work. Discussed being a procreator and the irony of masturbating vs having sex.
Interview: Discussed her background as former musician, nonprofit work, vegan lifestyle, three children with ex-partner living situation, traveling to India to study yoga, and various hobbies. Extensive discussion about vegan condoms and sex toy cleaning.
- Smart guys didn't help intelligence, should have gone to college instead.
- Has three children (procreator) and picked rich guy so they'd get trust fund.
- Extended panel riffing about vegan condoms, sex toys, and her dishwasher cleaning method.
- Bella demonstrated yoga pose on stage during joke delivery.
Set: Set acknowledging her appearance as dumb white woman, internally identifying as grumpy old man, jokes about guys not liking Steve Jobs roleplay during sex, and sarcasm about her intelligence.
Interview: Discussed shooting Bravo docu-series about African royal family, producer credit, acting as racist white person character, and relationship with black boyfriend. Panel praised set timing and personality-driven comedy.
- Looks like dumb white woman but internally identifies as grumpy old man.
- Guys don't like when she says 'fuck me like Steve Jobs' during sex.
- Tony praised Vanessa's opening joke as one of best sets of night, using appearance as weapon.
- Vanessa writes and performs brand new 60-second set every single week.
Set: Set about being 47-year-old black NASCAR fan, sucking at stick ball sports, only four black drivers in 67-year history, bringing representation to NASCAR, and letting Asian girlfriend drive.
Interview: Discussed being parachute rigger, packing rescue parachutes, 800+ jumps, test parachutist in Navy, dating girlfriend for 4 years (Indian), off-roading, camping, and his political views. Panel engaged extensively about test parachutists and demographics.
- Only four black NASCAR drivers in 67 years, could represent and change meaning of 'racist'.
- Let Asian girlfriend drive on days when sick to do 'fuck like that'.
- Red Band mentioned similar comedian Daryl Wright also black NASCAR fan who works for NASCAR.
- Extended panel discussion about test parachutists and Kevin's 800+ jumps.
- Kevin's father was going to skydive but friend's parachute failed day before, she died.
Jay
Set: Long, chaotic, largely improvised performance with high-pitched character voice, attempted jokes about restaurants and birds, multiple incomplete stories, and gimmicky bell-ringing. Set was widely panned by panel and Tony.
Interview: Revealed he was encouraged to perform by Pat Reagan who knew him from camping. Jay's performance was almost entirely incoherent rambling with high-pitched voice acting that drew consistent negative reactions.
- Extended chaotic opening 10+ minutes with Jay rambling incoherently and performing high-pitched character voice.
- Tony lost control of the show as Jay continued rambling, attempting stories that went nowhere.
- Panel, especially Tony and Pat Reagan, engaged in heated debate about whether Jay's comedy was working.
- Jay performed attempted 'closer' with one-liner that bell rang immediately, finally leaving stage.
Interview: Discussed his previous appearances on Kill Tony, magic tricks he's performed before, his sobriety this episode, roasting history with Tony, and lack of magic tricks planned for tonight. Panel reminisced about handkerchief trick and other past moments.
- Tony referenced previous magic trick where Arquette pulled colorful handkerchief and gave to Tony, who still has it.
Interview: Discussed bringing ice cream for performers (which melted during band intro), his consistent positive energy, and excitement to interact with new comedians. Steve gave brief advice to Sierra about comedy.
- Steve offered advice to Sierra Katow about comedy: be nice, have fun, never give up.