Kill Tony Anthony Jeselnik, Chris Porter
Guests: Anthony Jeselnik · Chris Porter
Lineup
Set: Set about nose-picking, being married with infrequent sex, and cannabis topical products. Name-dropped a Mighty Ducks actor early on.
Interview: Discussed hosting the High Times Cannabis Cup, performing every other Thursday at a gallery, and her cannabis topical balm product called Mrs Excellence.
- Friend said she reminded them of Roseanne; she's fat, white trash, or both
- Being married means never having sex; has to wait a month between encounters
- Picks nose but finds it gross when others do it and eat it
- Tony questions why she name-dropped Mighty Ducks actor without needing it for joke
Long Yu
Set: Set about having a Chinese name, being half-Black and half-Asian, diversity in college brochures, and Hillary Clinton doing the whip on Ellen.
Interview: Discussed being half-Black, half-Chinese (Black mother from Belize, Chinese father), parents meeting in high school in South Central LA, and doing stand-up for only one year.
- Billions of people have his name; people try to estimate his background like game show
- Being half-Black and half-Asian made college diversity brochure very confusing
- White people can ruin whipping for a second time (Hillary Clinton reference)
- Tony makes 'captain now' pirate joke referencing Long Yu
- Discussion of how parents met in stolen car accident in South Central LA
Set: Set about attraction to white-trash women, their characteristics, grocery shopping at gas stations, and their appearance.
Interview: Discussed living in LA for two weeks in a hostel, working as a bartender/cook, dressing nicely as an effort factor, and performing at comedy venues.
- White-trash women keep him around only for tasks like refilling prescriptions or VA hospital
- Their breasts look exactly as good as he expected them to
- Tony notes Keith looks like he just got off work as TGI Friday's manager
- Anthony Jeselnik jokes about dressing better to avoid obesity
Set: Set about asking elderly people how cheap gas was, Titanic movie, and rich vs. broke people. Brief material about being nice and taking acting classes.
Interview: Discussed being in LA for a year and a half, waiting for background check for security job, and performing stand-up at various spots.
- Elderly people saw Titanic because they wanted to see the ship sink, not romance
- Tony calls out Darren's vague jokes about elderly people and kindness
- Darren mentions background check pending for security work
Set: Set about subliminal tricks with vegetarian girlfriend, Taco Bell commercials, childhood sexual abuse, and sex education. First time on stage.
Interview: Discussed childhood sexual abuse, being a musician/songwriter, first time doing stand-up, relationship with girlfriend, and trauma as creative material.
- Puts Taco Bell commercials in downloaded movies to trick girlfriend into sex
- Childhood sexual abuse had positive: didn't need sex education in middle school
- Tony points out Austin made up the word 'traumady' (trauma-comedy)
- Anthony Jeselnik addresses the Taco Bell/sex connection confusion
Set: Set about 10-year reunion nervousness, high school test cheating with thugs, and school motto 'cry now smile later' from Garfield High.
Interview: Discussed working at warehouse 2pm-3am shift, trying to pick up women using Mortal Kombat lines, and recent relationship history.
- Wants to show up to 10-year reunion in Ferrari or bicycle like a dick
- Thugs asked to copy his test answers; beat him up when answers were wrong
- Uses Mortal Kombat 'Get over here' pickup line to approach women
- Manuel randomly mentions uncircumcised penis during interview
- Extended discussion about losing virginity in Infiniti backseat with agent nearby
Set: Set about being mixed (Samoan, Hawaiian, Korean, Irish, Filipino), collecting wrong body parts in heaven, and penis size jokes.
Interview: Discussed working as Uber/Lyft driver, not wanting mom to know about comedy, having a goatee, and being from Long Beach.
- Stood in line in heaven getting wrong body parts; ended up with four penises
- Korean penis is half an inch more than an inch total
- Tony compares Drew to Hymen from previous shows due to similar energy
Set: Set about calling suicide hotline for jokes, attempting suicide at 14 with Prozac, cutting herself with office supplies, and mental health issues.
Interview: Discussed doing stand-up since May, being pulled from bucket on her seventh time, writing jokes from personal experiences and real stories.
- Called suicide hotline not to kill herself but to test jokes and feel better
- Tried to kill herself at 14 with Prozac bottle but never followed through
- Cut herself with office supplies; only punishment was being banned from Office Max
- Anthony Jeselnik suggests her best joke is about Facebook soul mate being her uncle
Set: Set about TGIF phrase, unemployed Instagram influencers, nine-to-five jobs including lunch breaks, and working eight hours straight.
Interview: Discussed being from Minnesota, living in LA for six years, performing comedy since summer, and reworking material before coming on stage.
- LA people say TGIF but don't have jobs; they just photograph themselves all day
- Nobody actually works 9-5 straight; there's always a lunch break making it 9-5:30
- Vanessa admits she rewrote material right before coming on stage
Set: Set about using AOL at 10, developing relationship with 12-year-old Star Wars fan who was actually adult pedophile, and pedophile commitment appreciation.
Interview: Discussed being 24 years old, doing stand-up for eighth time, working as reporter/producer for Hollywood TV, and performing at open mics.
- Used AOL as Jedi Vikram; was groomed by pedophile pretending to be 12-year-old
- Pedophile spent 6 months learning Star Wars to have sex; shows impressive commitment
- Tony praises Vikram's pacing and story structure despite timing issues