Kill Tony #323 — Dane Cook
Guests: Dane Cook
Lineup
Set: Former police officer and veteran doing material about drug-themed coffee shops, being a barista, and getting tased on the job. Heavy on observational comedy with a cruise-ship comic delivery style.
Interview: Discussed his 10-year police career, shoulder injury from volunteering to be tased, recent screenplay, and YouTube projects. Tony critiqued his unnatural presentation style and suggested being more authentic.
- Coffee shops have drug-themed names like Blue Ice (meth), Black Tar (heroin), Jelly Donut (attracts cops).
- Guy faked a seizure during traffic stop, kept peeking to check traffic before continuing seizure.
- Tony called his set 'a donut donut because you fucking ate it'
- Mark awkwardly grabbed his pig ears prop before leaving the stage instead of returning to his seat
Ryan Oganaugh
Set: Quick, absurdist one-liners about swinging on swings, a Suicide Squad movie review with low expectations, and getting kicked out of the gym for stealing free weights.
Interview: Discussed his second appearance on the show, his five years doing stand-up in Denver, recent move to LA (one month), and living situation with an actor.
- His Suicide Squad review: expected more suicide, squad amount was as anticipated.
- Gets kicked out of gym for taking free weights (stealing the equipment).
- Kevin revealed he's 24 and has never been on a first date in his life.
- Tony praised his writing as Maria Bamford-like and compared his presence to Napoleon Dynamite.
Set: Twin brothers performing material about twin stereotypes (who's older, dating twins). Made jokes about escaping the womb as a competition and dating twins where one girlfriend had a male name.
Interview: Second appearance on the show (three weeks prior). Revealed they moved to LA three months ago with four other comedians in a three-bedroom house in NoHo.
- Being 20 seconds older means winning the 'escape womb challenge' and spending more time in pussy.
- Dated twins where one girlfriend (Samantha) was a brunette and other (Steven) was a blonde male name.
- Revealed they're living with four other comedians in a three-bedroom house (flop house).
- Revealed they practice kissing each other as twins (said they got good at it).
Set: Legendary late-night comedy store regular doing an extremely brief set with a single joke asking how many people like to fuck, then ending immediately.
Interview: Brief interaction where Tony reminded him he's on Kill Tony (implying he may have forgotten). Don didn't provide additional interview content.
- How many people like to fuck? (That's his entire set)
- Don Barris, a legendary comedy store regular, appeared to not remember being on Kill Tony and did an extremely brief set.
Set: Second appearance. Material about being uneducated (doesn't know what senators do), eating squirrel meat, growing up in a tiny Missouri town (100 people, no library, local KKK chapter), and learning the Civil War ended as a tie until age 15.
Interview: Discussed his repeated appearances and Cartman comparisons. Revealed he's 22, works at Jersey Mike's subs, posts pictures of his penis on Reddit, and has red pubes.
- Doesn't know what senators do but knows squirrel meat is tangy (not that bad).
- Grew up in tiny Missouri town, learned Civil War ended as a tie until age 15.
- His town had a local KKK chapter but no library or diversity nearby.
- Tony repeatedly makes Cartman (South Park) comparisons, and Daniel gets frustrated, saying Tony makes the same joke every time.
- Daniel revealed he posts pictures of his penis on Reddit and has freckles on his penis.
Set: Material about being African and new to American culture, dating younger men including an 18-year-old sugar baby, and sexual experiences including awkward positions during sex.
Interview: Discussed her one year, six months of stand-up, French as her first language, five months in LA from Baltimore, work as hairstylist/behavioral specialist, and sexual preferences for smaller penises.
- Dating an 18-year-old sugar baby who asked 'what are we' and couldn't pay his own phone bill.
- During sex, boyfriend asked 'what's that noise' and she said 'that's my knees' because she's old.
- Worst sexual experience was with a Russian guy who was too big; she prefers soft and sloppy.
- Jeremiah made multiple spit-take reactions to her sexual comments, appearing to prematurely ejaculate from his mouth.
- She said she prefers smaller penises and 'soft and sloppy' sex, which Tony called 'perfect until she said that'.
- Tony praised her energy and predicted she would succeed, noting 95 open mic comedians would hit on her after the show.
Set: Material featuring character impressions (uncle seeing Japanese person at water park, friend with foot fetish) and absurdist observations about uvulas and homelessness.
Interview: His parents Aaron and Francis were brought on stage. Discussed his 12 years of stand-up in Memphis before moving to LA, his natural stage presence, and his parents' pride in his work.
- Impression of uncle whenever he sees a Japanese person at water park (unintelligible).
- He's a big uvula guy, impression of friend with foot fetish telling him to take off his socks.
- If homeless, you can wear whatever (sombrero, garbage sack) without judgment.
- William's parents were brought on stage during his interview, creating a rare and touching moment.
- His father made a joke about William being born with a beard (suggesting he looked old at birth).
- William called out a hater online ('Cracker Barrel Kid 55') who criticized him, showing frustration and humanity.
- William's father joked about his HGH (human growth hormone) use, calling him out for getting fat instead.
Set: Material about being a pathological liar, mental health struggles, and dealing with the consequences of lying to friends who discover his false stories.
Interview: One of his first 20 times performing. Discussed his background (mother was preschool teacher, stepfather owns smog shops, father in prison), work as legal videographer (age 35), and rapping skills.
- Being pathological liar means you make friends, tell stories, then have to make new friends when discovered.
- No AA meeting for pathological liars but it's a real DSM-5 disease.
- Ken confessed to being a pathological liar but also said he doesn't believe in mental health diagnoses, creating confusion about whether anything he said was true.
- Ken performed a freestyle rap that Tony and Dane praised as surprisingly good, mixing sad rap with TLC 'Waterfalls' references.
- Tony compared Ken's appearance and delivery style to Hannah Gadsby.