Kill Tony #334

Set: First-time comedian tells crude story about masturbating and accidentally ejaculating in his own mouth, analyzes the taste, and jokes about needing more water and fruit in his diet.

Interview: Recently turned 21, works as certified ASME pipe welder, moved to Camarillo from San Diego via Wyoming, has a girlfriend with matching nose piercings, enjoys fishing.

Set: Talks about attending whisper parties, tries to get the audience to participate in whispering punchlines, mentions driving friends from Long Beach to the show so they could drink.

Interview: Music performer in band Sunlit Souls, plays guitar, mandolin, and vocals. Drives from Long Beach, watched Kill Tony on YouTube, dated girlfriend under a year.

Set: White man born in 1970s with identity crisis living in black neighborhood of Huntington Beach. Jokes about Burger King declining in quality from childhood era, happy meals no longer coming in boxes with toys.

Interview: Pool cleaner from Plainfield Beach, married 11 years, wife teaches special education, doesn't work out much, was on high school graduation superlative for getting busy in Burger King bathroom.

Set: Recent UCSB graduate from Torrance studies philosophy, jokes about measles outbreak and unvaccinated kids sneaking vaccines, parents asking about skills in job interviews, working at housing market research firm.

Interview: 24-year-old philosophy graduate just landed job at Santa Barbara firm crunching housing market data, admits laziness and weight gain from stopping skateboarding, went bowling recently, catfished on dating app, straight insertion sex.

Set: Woman in menopause jokes about only dating guys in wheelchairs because they're compassionate and won't judge her aging body, also houses homeless people and gives them her tent.

Interview: Three-year stand-up veteran from Thousand Oaks experiencing menopause, discussed hot flashes and hormone loss, has been married twice (to Irish man for 3 years, then sad loser), runs a compassion blog with 'Clever Girl' character.

Set: Works in bar and observes weird customer behavior: guy puking into hands then pockets, friend biting girl at bar and offering pool game as apology, watches Teen Wolf and calls it greatest basketball movie.

Interview: Lives with grandmother age 94 in Oxnard for two years, works two jobs (bar and cafe), used to be in band Outside City Limits, Mexican heritage, has many tattoos, likes pop punk and metal music.

Set: From Oxnard (the 'nard'), jokes about Robert Kraft/massage parlor scandal, observes it's impossible to find legitimate massage parlors in Oxnard, tells story of getting jerked off at couples massage with wife present who was simultaneously getting oral.

Interview: Getting married in June to fiancée for 2 years, proposed in Central Park New York (not fancy), works in construction (inherited dad's family company), played baseball through college, has dip in mouth.

Set: Concerned about girlfriend watching alarming amount of murder documentaries on Netflix, jokes that she either has murder fetish, wants to murder him, or is studying how not to mess up murdering him.

Interview: One-year stand-up veteran, works at self-storage facility for month and a half, been with girlfriend almost a year, she works at guitar factory where they met, he quit two-year job by smashing guitar on wall.

Set: Caregiver for elderly, frustrated with wiping asses and people trying to have conversations mid-wipe, jokes about lying on job interview claiming fluent Spanish then fumbling with embarrassing Spanish phrases, got the caregiver job instead.

Interview: Three-year comic, caregiver for two years (previously EMT), got DUI with taillight out after drinking mimosas, blew 0.09, runs a weekly book show in Ventura.

Set: Talks about giving up on life during bathroom breaks, wiping ass multiple times, doing the itchy ass walk, eventually using baby wipes, cashier asks how many kids he has, responds 'none'.

Interview: Alcoholic triathlete ex-convict (served 2 years for meth), robbed freight train in 1994 finding JBL light bulb boxes, broke up with cop girlfriend after 18 months, attracted to half-black half-white women, has dirt bike and pickup truck.