Kill Tony #367 — Brian Holtzman
Guests: Brian Holtzman
Lineup
Set: Kyle discusses how long it takes women to orgasm versus men, and shares a personal story about discovering his sexuality when his girlfriend first penetrated him anally.
Interview: Kyle reveals this is his second time on the show, works at a gym teaching yoga, is from Michigan, and enjoys hunting. Tony and the panel riff on his sexual revelations and yoga abilities.
- Women take 20 minutes to orgasm vs men 6 minutes, dramatically less with anal stimulation.
- Personal story about first time girlfriend penetrated him anally, existential crisis about sexuality.
- Panel engages in extensive crowd work, getting Kyle to physically interact with Curtis from the band.
Set: Simon discusses Donald Trump's tax returns and Sarah McLachlan's ASPCA commercials, suggesting a darker version with biker gangs holding down aggressive dogs.
Interview: Simon reveals he's been up before, his girlfriend signed him up, made money from NCAA settlement, and plays division III football. Panel jabs him about his appearance and wealthy background.
- Sarah McLachlan tax returns joke, comparing to dog abuse ASPCA commercials.
- Panel makes fun of Simon's appearance and compares him to criminal from Central Park.
Set: Marjan, a Middle Eastern stylist, jokes about being Middle Eastern, her great grandmother's polygamous marriage with twelve wives, and the absurd choices available to those wives instead of roses.
Interview: First-time stand-up, married to Simon, is a fashion stylist, has hobbies and skills including childhood attempts to catch a bird her parents promised. Won a $2 bill and button.
- Great grandmother was one of 12 wives, they could spit, swallow, or swap instead of roses.
- Story about parents promising her a pet bird if she could catch it, they made her let it go.
- Tony gives Marjan a Brian Holtzman button and $2 bill after her set.
- Panel is very supportive after initially calling her offensive, strong crowd reaction.
Set: Mike discusses being ghosted eleven times this year, converting someone to being gay, and having a loyalty punch card to Mykonos for conversions.
Interview: Mike is openly gay, from Cleveland, lived in LA two years, does accounting consulting, has been ghosted repeatedly after sleeping with men who claim no prior interest. Panel extensively engages with his sexuality.
- Got ghosted 11 times this year, averaging two per month, one of those Bruce Willis situations.
- Converted someone gay, has punch card for Mykonos after two more conversions.
- Extended riffing about Mike's homosexuality with the frat guy band members, uncomfortable dynamics with Curtis.
Set: Evan discusses being surprised when he doesn't have diarrhea after eating ice cream sandwiches, compares it to chocolate lava cake, and uses detective work to analyze his bowel movements.
Interview: Has been doing stand-up seven years (not just starting), worked as teacher in Shanghai for six years, married a Chinese woman he taught, specializes in kettlebell training, loves hiking and weed.
- Sometimes surprised when he doesn't have diarrhea after eating ice cream sandwiches and drunken noodles.
- Diarrhea looks like chocolate lava cake, compares investigating it to scene from movie Chef.
- Tony notes set was weak after seven years of comedy, encourages redemption.
Set: Bruce discusses living in rough part of Oregon, warning teenagers away from a drug house, overhearing them mention they could get drugs there instead, and finding solace in nature.
Interview: Ten years doing stand-up, from Boston, moved to LA then Oregon five years ago for cost of living and noise reduction. Uses psychedelics, fell in love with Oregon geography, is a caregiver, has girlfriend and pets.
- Warned kids to stay away from drug house, overheard them planning to get drugs there.
- Bruce mentions taking acid with Eddie Whitehead Jr. five years ago in Oregon, Eddie was homeless at the time.
- Tony and panel encourage Bruce who seems self-deprecating, strong positive response.
Tobi
Set: Tobi, first-time comic, discusses dating a homeless man who donated blood for dates, her mom's appearance and lack of nipples, and family genetics.
Interview: Single mom of 11 and 7-year-old, respiratory therapist, from Rancho Cucamonga, first time doing stand-up, has no last name from group home, was with 30% Black baby daddy.
- Dating homeless man who sold blood for dates, spent money on malt liquor and cigarettes.
- Mom has no nipples, wishes she had her mother's breasts, explains hair genetics from father.
- First time doing stand-up, panel encourages her despite rough material, encourages comeback.
Set: Milan discusses being at grocery store where cashier miscalculated his total, saw 911 instead of 9.57, which he sarcastically comments on.
Interview: From Portland, never seen Kill Tony show before, came because Joel Berg invited him, has been doing comedy a few years, got defensive when Tony insulted the show, eventually apologized.
- Grocery store cashier saw 911 on total that was actually 9.57, joking about never forgetting.
- Milan explicitly says he doesn't like the show, gets into conflict with panel, later apologizes.
Set: William does a short set about telling his daughter about boobs, discusses Dracula peeing, has idea for t-shirt about big hands and magic, and mentions Cracker Barrel Kid 55.
Interview: Works at self-storage unit, almost got fired for talking to mentally ill customer who claimed to be an angel with crooked penis. Doesn't know how to read, just got fired, moving back to Memphis to gamble on dogs.
- Spells out boobs on calculator whenever daughter around.
- Not all people with big hands are good at magic, but it scares him.
- William reveals he cannot read, panel incredulous and sympathetic.
- William announces he's moving back to Memphis after this episode, plans to teach English despite illiteracy.
Set: Mina discusses being gay since dial-up internet, getting out of abusive relationship, joking that abusive people should find other abusive people via dating app.
Interview: Black lesbian from Apollo 13, regular performer, works at restaurant, makes videos with Jasmine, comes from Atlanta and Cleveland, parents very religious but supportive, lives in Northridge with Jasmine.
- Been gay since dial-up internet, jokes about abusive relationship discovery.
- Abusive people should find other people who want to get hit, like dating app.
- Extended riffing about Mina's dildos and sexual preferences with panel.