Kill Tony #412
Lineup
Set: Marshall opened with DC Nationals pandering, crude sexual material about eating women from behind, and observational humor about his height (6'8") and various job experiences including nonprofit work and green roofing.
Interview: Tony and panel discussed Marshall's sexual preferences, height advantages/disadvantages, bamboo craftsmanship, and a marijuana overdose incident. Extensive banter about sexual positions without removing penis.
- I like eating shit from the back cause I can smell what she ate
- Girl had longer legs than me, was on my toes like ballerina feet
- Spitting on pussy while she's down there turning butter in 69 position
- Marshall's opening immediately pandered to DC crowd with Nationals reference, described as William Montgomery-like move
- Tony noted this is first comedian in show history to nearly hit head on ceiling at 6'8"
- Marshall demonstrated sexual position transitioning without removing penis, elaborate explanation and pantomime with Alexandra
- Marshall revealed he passed out on roof from smoking weed pen, found wall and slouched
Set: Dariel discussed HD porn addiction affecting his sexual performance, needing glasses to have sex, unrealistic porn expectations, and needing headphones to orgasm. Referenced being 21 years old and having just started dating.
Interview: Tony explored Dariel's recent car accident on first date, asthma and pet turtle ownership, recent girlfriend relationship, and demonstrated sexual position. Discussed work as substitute teacher touching people emotionally.
- Watched so much HD porn can't have sex without glasses on
- Now can't come without having headphones on, might need to buy AirPods
- Last girl had to put her finger in my ear during sex
- Tony joked Dariel looks like Will Smith's daughter, the Fresh Princess of Bel-Air
- Dariel revealed girlfriend died in car accident on their first date but they're still together dragging her corpse
- Dariel demonstrated sexual position with Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez character, describing standing position then falling backward
Set: Rai discussed moving from England to America, losing vaccination records, getting vaccinations again despite anti-vax fears, missing family back home, being called an "old soul" which means being miserable, and his older brother being potentially the family mistake.
Interview: Tony explored Rai's immigration, wife being American, playing in bands (Almost Home, Burnt Earth), meeting wife on Instagram before DMs existed, and asked him to sing. Discussed being recruited to tech jobs.
- Doctor said don't worry about autism from vaccines, you can't get it twice
- Brother 20 years older, dad had him at 20 and me at 40, no idea who's the mistake
- Old soul means you're a miserable bastard
- Tony joked England beat America in Revolutionary War, mocking British accent and tea-drinking
- Rai hesitated to sing but eventually declined after Tony coached him to just go for it
- Tony criticized England's economic status and lack of confidence compared to America's booming economy
Set: Adam joked about Mary Poppins being a weird character, discussed depression and whether it's chemical or from being fat and bad at everything, and mentioned crippling fear of failure balancing suicidal ideation.
Interview: Tony discussed Adam's shoulder cast from 2015 motorcycle accident with drunk driver, Peace Corps volunteer background, current work as database analyst, masturbation with broken arm, and 7-year marriage to special education teacher.
- Mary Poppins is flying magical wizard who only helps upper class London children
- Unsure if depression is chemical imbalance or just being fat and bad at everything
- Crippling fear of failure cancels out suicidal ideation, works itself out
- Adam wore extended hip cast from shoulder surgery, used left hand during set due to injury
- Tony joked about Peace Corps volunteer white savior complex with unironic photos
- Discussion about masturbating with broken right arm, using mouse for video switching
Set: Angel did crowd work about being the only black girl not working at venue, riffed on Trump, discussed being 34 and married 12 years, and made vagina/dick jokes about tightness and her preferences for white men.
Interview: Tony explored Angel's tightness claims, work as secretary for white man, interest in white men with blue eyes, virginity loss to white guy at 21, and preference for leaving marks on partners. Discussed deceased father who worked at cemetery.
- Only black girl here that is not working here or at the bar
- Married 12 years, don't know much about dick, super tight in here
- When being sexual use teeth to leave marks, especially on white guys
- Angel mentioned being tight, Trump responded about his genitalia being called big as child
- Angel discussed preference for white men with blue eyes, Tony joked about wife being present
- Angel revealed father died of diabetes (pronounced 'diabeetus'), had been in cemetery where she worked
Set: Teddy joked about his Ethiopian family, being featured in poverty donation commercials, parents thinking Jiu Jitsu meant he was gay, immigration background, liking spicy food, and getting jalapeno burns on fingers during sex with wife.
Interview: Tony explored Teddy's Ethiopian refugee father who drove taxis, IT career, Jiu Jitsu background, marriage to white New Hampshire woman, deceased father-in-law, Little Ethiopia food culture, and this being his first comedy set.
- Family from Ethiopia featured in ninety-nine cents per day donation commercials
- Parents thought Jiu Jitsu meant he was gay due to contact involved
- Cuts jalapenos, has sex, peppers get in fingers and burn during intercourse
- Teddy's first time on Kill Tony, revealed during interview, seemed very comfortable
- Tony stereotyped Ethiopian fathers as taxi drivers, Teddy confirmed it
- Discussion about Little Ethiopia in LA, traditional Ethiopian communal food culture
Set: Dan joked about having proportionally large forehead matching face size, measuring his head in high school bathroom, measuring hat size with tape, and being kicked out of Air and Space Museum for claiming moon landing was fake.
Interview: Tony explored Dan's lifelong big head nickname from childhood, how it affected him psychologically, oversized head creating insecurity, current life in Alexandria VA, work as GIS analyst, archery hobby, and admission he was in background of Roxy Raye porn video on Busch Gardens ferris wheel.
- Face exactly same size as forehead, could put second face on head
- Measured hat size with tape in bathroom, mom thought he was doing something weird
- Kicked out of Air and Space Museum for telling people moon landing was fake
- Tony and Dan discussed how big head nickname from kindergarten through 8th grade affected him deeply
- Extensive discussion and audio of porn video 'Roxy Raye' with Dan in background on ferris wheel
- Tony dared Dan to eat mustard, Dan completed dare by eating mustard directly from container
Set: Alex opened confessing he was high before the show, scared of being called first, talked about white powder on shirt looking like cocaine, joked about looking like William Montgomery, mentioned Zantac 75 for pain/cancer, and ended abruptly.
Interview: Tony explored Alex's father's death from cancer in 2018 (chondrosarcoma), terminal diagnosis with CyberKnife treatment lasting 5 years, lack of goodbye time, recent depression, drinking and eating frozen pizza, avoiding relationships (possibly trauma-related), and his minimal work experience.
- Got caught on first, really high before show, took few chokes outside
- White powder on shirt, girl asked if it was cocaine, it wasn't
- Zantac 75 not because it helps, just helps pain kill itself faster before cancer
- Alex revealed father died September 2018 from chondrosarcoma, diagnosed month before high school graduation
- Alex disclosed father went into coma right after terminal diagnosis, lost goodbye time
- Alex walked off stage mid-interview without being fully dismissed
Set: Caitlin joked about identifying as gay man because she likes anal sex, referenced Osama bin Laden's girlfriend productivity, works as waitress, tells strangers she's Syrian refugee to avoid conversation, and discussed family background.
Interview: Tony explored Caitlin's anal sex preference, boyfriend Blaze in painting business, North Carolina residence, demonstrating sexual positions with Alexandra character, boyfriend's racist language, being Thai and hearing slurs, and her political leanings.
- Identifies as gay man because loves taking it in butt so much
- Osama bin Laden had girlfriend working for him and got two things done
- Tells strangers she's Syrian refugee to stop conversation
- Caitlin demonstrated sexual position with Alexandra character, falling backward into cowgirl position
- Audience member Jamie approached stage and kissed Caitlin as dare/reward after her set
- Tony offered free show tickets to Caitlin and Thai boyfriend in exchange for racist audience member inclusion
Set: Martin joked about substitute teaching, speed dating leaving impressions, having muscular dystrophy and massive dick causing lower back issues, and his set ended with audience standing ovation before most of his jokes landed.
Interview: Tony explored Martin's 7-8 years of DC comedy, substitute teaching background, recent Ariana Grande parody song release, soft-spoken underwater-like voice, infrequent sexual encounters, and Tony set up kiss with audience member Jamie.
- Do substitute teaching, had speed dating, take bunch of girls nothing fair
- Suffer from two types MD: natsu dystrophy and massive dick
- Massive dick causes lower back issues
- Half of audience stood for standing ovation mid-set, before jokes fully landed
- Donald J Trump character endorsed Martin as favorite comic of night
- Audience member Jamie kissed Martin on stage as Tony set it up