Kill Tony #439
Lineup
Set: Irish comedian discussing nervous hand-shaking during sex and making controversial jokes about slavery and white people to win over the hometown crowd.
Interview: 21-year-old geology student from Bergen County, New Jersey, interested in ancient Greek philosophy and video games, particularly NBA 2K.
- Shaky hands during sex make him look like a vibrator.
- Rich people building parks for poor people are looking for the next Michael Jordan.
- Peter removes his hoodie and flexes for the crowd to close out his interview on a high note.
Set: First-time performer discussing his breakup with his high school girlfriend and dating struggles, including a woman who cries every time they have sex.
Interview: Works at Stony Creek brewery as a tasting room manager, got hired after 6 months of drinking beer there, has been arrested four times for various public intoxication and breach of peace charges, tattoo of Insane Clown Posse made of bacon.
- Girlfriend cries every time they have sex, traded him for her vibrator.
- Tony notes Matthew struggles with honest answers and lies about arrests, then corrects himself.
Set: Disorganized set about getting a nickname 'Lamb' at age 15-16 from smoking weed, admitting he ran out of material mid-set.
Interview: Unemployed former machinist who worked in welding for 9.5 years, played drums for 5 years, has saved about $5,000, has two lip rings, competed in a drum off against Joel Berg.
- Got nickname 'Lamb' from buddy while smoking weed at 15-16.
- Lam loses the Mexican drum off to Joel Berg, who performs with a purple dildo and puts his foot behind his head.
Set: First-time comic discussing lack of trust in institutions, family dysfunction, and his distrust of his own farts, leaving awkward pauses for nonexistent laughter.
Interview: From East Greenwich, Rhode Island, works in sales selling computer monitoring and temperature equipment, family operated McDonald's franchise for 20 years, family name on the Constitution twice (ancestors were senators and diplomats).
- No good place to masturbate in public because people lack trust.
- Getting older means he distrusts his own farts now.
- Tony calls out John for leaving pauses for laughter that don't exist, like a Comedy Central special, and criticizes his approach.
Set: First-time comedian with jokes about trans women drivers, Asian women drivers, new moms and baby terminology, and handicap jokes.
Interview: 30-year-old woodworker from Taunton making high-end gaming tables and D&D products, has a girlfriend of 3 years who got him to like cats, has 4 cats and 2 dogs, listens to podcast through Mom's House.
- Woman identified as man would be a better driver unless she's Asian.
- New moms have funny words for everything their baby does.
- Tony coaches Ryan on not mentioning it's his first time during the set itself.
Set: Funny story about measuring his penis against his hand in middle school and bragging to friends about having a huge penis, then proving it by tapping their hands.
Interview: 23-year-old from Oxbridge, South of Worcester, has a 4-year-old son from when he was 19, works in family screen print and embroidery business with 25-year-old brother, has small hands like his father.
- Measured penis against hand in middle school, bragged it was huge.
- Tony praises Sean's set as exactly how to do comedy in 60 seconds with a story and jokes peppered in.
Set: Second-time performer discussing her second marriage and a 25-year-old hot personal trainer discouraging her from limiting her choices, joking about being 37, out of shape, divorced, and a cat lady.
Interview: PhD in biology working at cannabis edibles company, on second marriage, was in first relationship for 10 years but married only 2 years, has 2 cats, met current husband at a wedding in Kentucky.
- 25-year-old personal trainer warns against limiting her dating options.
- Tony criticizes Megan for not sharing details about her first marriage when asked, losing momentum and likability in the interview.
Set: Professional Santa Claus for 10 years discussing strange requests from children (like voodoo dolls), whether he's been pissed on, and his experiences performing as Santa.
Interview: Structural steel fabricator, has been performing as Santa for 10 years, has Miss Claus girlfriend, saw Joe Rogan at Wilbur Theatre, has buried body of previous homeowner's daughter in backyard (in an urn with name he forgot), plays disc golf.
- Little girl wanted voodoo doll to avoid strangling her baby sister.
- People ask if he's been pissed on; he doesn't do nudist colonies.
- Tony acknowledges Brian as a Swansea regular from the previous episode and calls him the only Santa Claus he acknowledges.
- Brian reveals he has an urn with the ashes of the previous homeowner's daughter buried in his backyard, officers in audience react.
Set: Comedian discussing how his fantasies changed from wanting many women to wanting people to stop calling about debts, plus a bathroom story and advocating for Portuguese grandparents in bathrooms.
Interview: Has done stand-up 6 times since December, works in logistics as operator, also podcast producer and musician playing guitar and reggae/rock, has 11-month-old daughter, music on Spotify.
- Fantasies changed from 100 women wanting him to debtors stopping calls.
- Portuguese grandparents with slippers should be in bathrooms across America.
- Johnny attempts to sing acapella for the crowd but struggles and gets heckled by Tony and the panel.
Mark McGwynn
Set: Jokes about coronavirus being good marketing for China, Planet Fitness gym culture and weed smell, running on elliptical agreeing with Sean Hannity, and confusion about Planet Fitness black card membership.
Interview: Does not appear to be a musician despite social media handle suggesting otherwise, Tony roasts him for forgetting his coronavirus/China joke setup and criticizes his gym jokes for not landing with the Swansea crowd.
- Coronavirus is sneaky good marketing for China because of mask wearing.
- Planet Fitness black card could mean KFC or Popeyes.
- Tony calls out Mark for forgetting his opening joke and failing to land jokes with the gym crowd, then brings up Evan from audience to sing Etta James instead.