Mike Eaton
Mike Eaton has performed on Kill Tony 5 times. Every appearance below, with set summaries and timestamps.
Appearances
Mike jokes about Harriet Tubman being his favorite human trafficker because she did it for love, not money. He riffs on the actual number of people she saved (70) being disappointingly low and makes jokes about people's reactions to learning this.
- Harriet Tubman is favorite human trafficker; did it for love not money.
- 70 people saved by Harriet Tubman feels low; that's basically a bus stop.
Mike performs about having a small penis but being funny, visiting grandmother with Alzheimer's at nursing home where old ladies get attracted to him, finding older woman with tracheotomy, jokes about throat sex.
- Small penis but funny, visited grandma at Alzheimer's unit, old ladies attracted
- Depression-era people too skinny, old woman with tracheotomy access port
Mike does material about growing up rich, Halloween full bars, rich bullies with credit cards, getting bitch tits in 5th grade, and hating being poor now.
- Grew up rich, Halloween was full bars, still getting amber alerts
- Rich bullies worse than poor ones, dad had credit card not job
- Got bitch tits in 5th grade, first in school, treated poorly
Mike performed high-energy comedy about his appearance, an Uber driver comparing him to Guy Fieri, his wife calling him gay, and wishes about pursuing comedy differently.
- Uber driver compared him to Guy Fieri, wife calls him gay
- Wife introduces him as her gay husband
Mike made jokes about veterinarians making more money, homeless vets with dogs, and compared himself favorably to disabled and elderly people in terms of physical ability.
- Veterinarians make way more money but claim poverty; saw homeless vets with dogs
- I'm ableist; I'm faster than anyone with one leg or a baby
- Wife's chili was so hot it made him rap fire metaphorically