Kill Tony #197 — Bryan Callen, Brendan Schaub
Guests: Bryan Callen · Brendan Schaub
Lineup
Set: Jessica discussed living in an RV, a strange duck incident in Chinatown, her divorce seven years ago, and relationship difficulties. She talked about her ex-husband being 'jinxy' and causing accidental injuries.
Interview: Tony asked about her future plans, RV repairs, and martial history. She's in LA for three weeks before heading to Florida and Texas by plane and rental car.
- Took a duck from Chinatown restaurant, walked through NYC feeling weird
- Ex-husband was jinxy, made her accidentally get hurt around him
- Tony complimented her set as 'interesting as fuck' and made RV Twitter account joke
Set: Jessie discussed being mistaken for Arab despite being Puerto Rican, using two-syllable family nicknames, getting fired from a restaurant for a Holocaust oven joke, and his ambiguous last name.
Interview: He's from The Bronx, been doing stand-up 3 years, and got caught masturbating in his cousin's bathroom. The interview extended 7+ minutes with detailed questions about the bathroom incident.
- Puerto Rican family all have two-syllable nicknames, his family called him faggot
- Got fired for Holocaust oven joke; only German thing he's done
- Caught masturbating by cousin with door open, sleeping on Barbie bed
- Extended 7+ minute interview about masturbation details, door being open, tissue paper type
- Bryan Callen complained about Tony mocking his gay joke but then spending 7 minutes on masturbation interview
Set: Hostile Takeover discussed interracial relationships with a white girlfriend, differences between white and Black girls performing oral sex, and reading 'A Night Before Christmas' on Christmas Eve.
Interview: He's been doing stand-up 6 years from San Bernardino, works at a warehouse, has a 7-year-old daughter, and has been with his white girlfriend for 4 years.
- White girls suck dick for protein; Black girls treat it like acid
- Discovered white people read 'Night Before Christmas' on Christmas Eve
- Brendan and Bryan made extended jokes about San Bernardino, guns, and hood stereotypes
- Played saxophone with the band during interview
Set: Coleman joked about beer being cheaper than gas, a bad set where his girlfriend with multiple sclerosis said 'I'm dying' dismissively, and getting fired from multiple jobs.
Interview: From Houston, Texas, he recently started dating a girl with MS (1 month), works in construction/warehouse, has been fired 4 times, and mentioned she's an illustrator named Monty Ratchford.
- Beer cheaper than gas sign means he can finally stop drinking gas
- Bad set, girlfriend with MS said 'I'm dying' dismissively
- Everything she draws is blurry because of MS
- Tony repeatedly made jokes about him dating a girl with MS and her being hospitalized
- Bryan and Tony discussed his looks resembling young British prime ministers
Set: Justin made jokes about picking up homeless girls, hitting women, falling in love with cocaine, and breaking the skin off his penis during relationships.
Interview: Less than a year doing stand-up, works at Cheesecake Factory and for a music composer, from UK raised in Reno, been in LA 5 years.
- Dating homeless girls means you can drop them off anywhere
- Cocaine breaks bank account, heart, and skin off your penis
- Never hit a girl like a fastball unless dating
- Performed guitar freestyle during interview, showed surprising musical ability
- Set was extremely awkward; Tony and Bryan stayed silent to see how long he'd go
- Tony said it was first time they let a comedian keep going without cutting them off
Set: The triplets discussed being child actors on commercials in Africa, puberty killing careers, and the difference between American and African child labor laws. They joked about being 'molestable kids' and comparing puberty to AIDS.
Interview: They're all 24, grew up in LA but look Jersey, work in construction, do stand-up just over a year, recently separated for individual sets but reuniting tonight.
- Were molestable child actors in Africa; puberty is AIDS to careers
- Child labor laws differ: America rotates you, Africa makes you soldier
- Happy Meals in Africa came with machetes
- Brendan Schaub asked very creepy questions about their bodies, wrestling, and flexibility
- One triplet admitted to taking his brother's Tinder date and planning to have sex with her
- Revealed they catch each other masturbating frequently due to internet speeds
Set: Scott, a cancer survivor from Australia, joked about calling his cancer 'the big c', his girlfriend, having bladder cancer, surgery replacing a third of his bladder, and his small penis symmetry.
Interview: First time doing stand-up, 34 years old, had bladder cancer at 33, discovered via blood in urine, had 9 surgeries and chemo, cancer spread to lungs, leaving LA tomorrow.
- The big c is his girlfriend, but also he had cancer
- Neo bladder from The Matrix so he can dodge bullets
- Penis size matches small bladder; loves symmetry
- First time doing stand-up ever; crowd very supportive due to cancer survivor status
- Tony and Bryan praised him extensively and noted he has natural stage presence
- Brendan referenced 'make a wish' as Scott is cancer survivor