Kill Tony #262 — Steve Lemme, Kevin Heffernan
Guests: Steve Lemme · Kevin Heffernan
Lineup
Set: Set about using the word 'fuck' as a catch-all term for everything and everyone, then shifts to being asexual and receiving jokes from the panel about being transgender.
Interview: Alex reveals they are 23 years old, transgender, and have been doing stand-up for 2 years. Discussion covers their harmonica busking, ventriloquism hobbies, and a puppet named Xander.
- Fuck is nonspecific—applies to man, woman, mother, father, sister, brother, cat, dog, uncle, aunt.
- As an asexual person, they're not a 'fuck' but still receive misogynist accusations.
- Alex attempts ventriloquism on stage with Jeremiah as the dummy, fails noticeably.
- Panel makes Hitler joke about Alex not being claimed by Nazi ideology.
Set: Material about STDs making a comeback, moving to Van Nuys and downloading a sex offender app that shows five registered pedophiles in his apartment building, comparing the map to a herpes outbreak.
Interview: Mario is a chef who just moved to Van Nuys two weeks ago. Discussion covers why there are so many sex offenders in his building, his ex-girlfriend, and his job in restaurants.
- Downloaded sex offender app for Van Nuys apartment—5 pedophiles living there, map looks like herpes.
- Ex-girlfriend context while watching To Catch a Predator during intimate moments.
- Kevin makes joke about Mario being a chef living in building with pedophiles—panel riffs on premise.
- Joel Berg plays drum solo after Mario makes good 'basketball team' joke about pedophiles.
Set: Set about moving to LA from Florida, contrasting LA residents with Southern people, making jokes about beaches and Gucci flip-flops, nicknames in the South including his dad's friend 'Squirrel'.
Interview: Dan is from Orlando, Florida, has been in LA for 1.5 years, was in the Jamaican bobsled team, worked in credit card porn marketing. Admits to smoking weed, appears evasive about job details.
- Los Angeles people are selfish enough to want what you have but generous enough to share syphilis.
- People in South have weird nicknames like 'Squirrel,' which requires calling them 'Mr. Squirrel' respectfully.
- Dan repeatedly avoids answering where he sold things in previous job, admits smoking weed on stage.
- Tony persistently questions Dan's job history, Dan remains evasive and contradictory throughout.
Set: Jokes about Jennifer Lopez's large ass, Target bullseye post-9/11, celebrity sexual predators sharing prison cells, getting kicked out of high school for toilet explosions.
Interview: Nick is on disability, a fine artist and painter/sculptor, has performed at Laugh Factory and various cities. Long interview covers his Italian heritage, hospital maintenance worker father, and mental health struggles.
- Jennifer Lopez divorced so many guys they got sucked into her giant ass.
- Got kicked out of high school for doing a series of toilet explosions.
- If beer came out of women's titties, men would go crazier than ever.
- Tony extensively probes Nick about his mental health, asking if he'd hurt a bunny rabbit.
- Panel tries to get Nick to do impressions, gets only a Bill Cosby impression attempt.
Set: Jokes about being a big guy, getting fired from Samsung security for insisting people call him 'Guardian of the Galaxy', difficulty of working in bubble wrap factory, Uber Pool with bathing suit mistake.
Interview: Carl is from New York/New Jersey, got hit by a car which motivated him to start comedy, worked in music industry as producer/engineer, ran a t-shirt screen printing company for 2 years with Mercedes money, has been homeless 3 times.
- Got fired from Samsung security for insisting everyone call him 'Guardian of the Galaxy'.
- Hardest job is working in bubble wrap factory—requires self-control not to pop it.
- Made a guy laugh after car accident instead of getting angry, inspired stand-up career.
- Extremely long interview (longest of the night) as Tony tries to understand Carl's background and authenticity.
- Carl reveals he's been homeless three times, slept in mall garage on cardboard box for 2 months.
- Honest discussion about Carl's depth and thoughtfulness compared to other performers' defensive reactions.
Set: New minute about sleeping in cars before getting apartment on May 1st, friend DJ getting shot, selling cocaine in North Carolina, LeBron James reference.
Interview: Malcolm is regular on show, lives in his car (1992 Toyota Corolla), has Airbnb until end of month, from North Carolina, receives Venmo donations from fans, merchandises 'Lay Down' catchphrase.
- A/C on blast in car before moving into apartment—friend jokes about getting frostbite.
- Mom says friend got shot, asks for $20 if coming home; jokingly says he'll 'finish him off'.
- Sells cocaine in North Carolina, drops some in front of cop like LeBron James.
- Malcolm successfully uses new catchphrase 'Lay Down' three times in 60-second set with callbacks.
- Tony mentions Malcolm opened death squad show last night and killed it in front of 200-300 people.
- Isabel (girl from London) is referenced as feeding Malcolm carrots, romantic interest implied.
Set: Set about being in mid-20s with midlife crisis, moving from mom's house to grandma's, being a model in Miami but ugly in LA, dating scene struggles, eating pussy that tasted like a Duracell battery.
Interview: Justin works as college admissions counselor at unnamed high-profile college for 2 years, is 28 years old, got caught cheating on girlfriend via Apple Watch GPS tracking, admitted to lying for a day.
- Model in Miami but didn't know he was ugly until moving to LA.
- Girlfriend's pussy tasted like a Duracell battery, stopped going down on her.
- Caught cheating via Apple Watch girlfriend bought him for tracking GPS.
- Justin changed his stage name from 'JD' to 'Justin Elliott' to finally get pulled from bucket.
- Extended discussion about eating pussy poorly, girlfriend's hygiene, and relationship dynamics.
- Jeremiah gets crosseyed during discussion about eating pussy, physical comedy moment.
Set: Material about visiting Jamaica and experiencing twerking on catamarans, having cum on his dick from grinding on dance floors, stories about intimacy and culture tourism.
Interview: Sean is from Saskatchewan, Canada, came to LA for a week-long comedy excursion with a friend, been doing open mics for 7 months, former music promoter, worked as admin assistant in government office.
- Jamaican dance floors full contact—you haven't properly danced unless cum is on tip of dick.
- Catamaran staff girl twerked on him, vulnerable position in bathing suit situation.
- Discussion of Sean's Indigenous heritage, sweat lodges, and spirit animals/clans.
- Jeremiah makes stereotypical Indian jokes while in prisoner character, Sean roasts back about Jeremiah's nose.
- Sean reveals he came to LA just for a week and got pulled from bucket by luck.