Kill Tony #785 — Duncan Trussell, Kurt Metzger
Guests: Duncan Trussell · Kurt Metzger
Lineup
Set: Reed discusses fentanyl being sold on the street, his cryptic father's sayings, and growing up learning about non-consensual acts through metaphor.
Interview: From Caddo, Alabama (pop. 1,200), his father is an insulation company manager. Reed discusses his parents and their dynamics.
- Didn't know fentanyl could be purchased on purpose, thought it was a surprise like engagement or finger.
- Father's metaphor about fucking a pig while holding it down taught him bestiality, non-consent, and metaphor simultaneously.
- Golden ticket winner doing opening set of the episode
Set: Donna Lee, Thai-Irish, discusses her divorced mother's heavy accent, emotional baggage, and advice about Christian dating apps despite being Buddhist.
Interview: Third appearance on show. Now traveling and headlining due to Kill Tony opportunities. Has a documentary coming in October. Married to real estate developer. Clean comic.
- Mother confuses emotional baggage with luggage when discussing divorce.
- Mother insists Christian Mingle is appropriate for Buddhist daughter if man is rich.
- Third return to Kill Tony has led to touring and headlining career
Set: Matthew discusses Montgomery County Jail experience, inmates using iPads to talk about their lives, AI tracking technology, and commissary trades for sandals and socks.
Interview: Second appearance after doing poorly first time. Was restaurant manager at Dave & Buster's, now retired. Arrested on Mother's Day for harassing ex near their son. Had hemp vape pens mistaken for meth. Estranged from 22-year-old son.
- Discusses iPad commissary trades in jail - people trading anything for sandals and socks.
- Admits hemp diamonds he purchased were likely crystal meth despite his claims
- Discusses restraining order preventing contact with son
Set: Patricio, new optometrist, makes jokes about being single, conjoined twins, ex-girlfriend's infidelity, and his occupation. Short 44-second set.
Interview: Eye doctor with private practice, graduated 2025. Single for over a year. Had flirty patient. Strict about movie etiquette. Guilty pleasure is winning stuffed animals for puppy from claw machines. First week of stand-up.
- Only conjoined twins wouldn't be single, asks why people ask if he's single.
- Ex-girlfriend had sleeping problem - she slept with everyone.
- First week of stand-up comedy ever, came in short on time
Set: Winston Pickles makes extremely dark jokes about foster children, unwanted babies at firehouses, toys at Goodwill, aging out of childhood, and 9/11 distraction from Nickelback.
Interview: Has chronic depression. Posts content on Instagram (@Sir Winston Pickles). Panel notes his dark humor similar to John Wayne Gacy jokes and attacks Nickelback.
- Can abandon unwanted babies at Firehouse Sub sandwich shops no questions asked.
- 9/11 was welcome distraction from Nickelback's Silver Side Up release 25 years ago.
- Panel accuses him of stealing John Wayne Gacy jokes
Set: Trey Stewart discusses Lindsey Clancy case, race and crime stereotypes, late-stage abortion, and flat-ass white women losing their bodies to Ozempic.
Interview: Former comedy store door guy, lived in Austin over a year. Discusses dating struggles, white women losing weight from Ozempic, recovering from addiction to white women, falling down YouTube rabbit holes about Magic School Bus.
- Knew person was white from committing crime of murdering three kids.
- Ozempic is making flat-ass white women out of previously truffling women.
- Fourth Lindsey Clancy reference of the night; Tony says it hit at home
- Panel discusses Lindsey Clancy hearing voices telling her to murder children
Set: Zane makes jokes about his name (Anas), high school roll call awkwardness, arriving in Texas, parking spot shortage at HEB, and hypothetical Uber-like service for parking in handicap spots.
Interview: Syrian-American, born in Texas. Father immigrated in 70s, married flight attendant, went back and married mother. Currently works Uber and sleeps in Chevy Equinox. Signed up for open mics daily for several weeks. Uses 4AM airport surge pricing. Essential oil diffuser in car.
- Teachers calling roll with his name, he responds by saying he wrecked him.
- App idea: deliver disabled person to you so you can use handicap parking spot.
- Duncan Trussell offers Four Seasons hotel stay after learning he sleeps in car
- Performs four-bar rap about the show and Red Band
Set: Tim discusses being called dickweed, marriage as sharing bad things (debt, eviction, STDs, divorce), and how sharing burdens cuts them in half.
Interview: 60-year-old Canadian, first set in 15 years after 20-year comedy career in Toronto/Vancouver. Inspired by Austin scene. Married 20+ years. Wife attends shows. Surfs in Tofino, BC. Produces documentary about sports gamblers. Has sex every Sunday missionary style.
- Marriage lets you split all your bad things in half: debt, eviction, diseases, divorce.
- First stand-up set after 15-year retirement, did very well
Set: Darkstorm discusses nephew selling vape pens, raising snitches, magnesium for hardness making him pee hard, cumming with enough pressure to knock out girlfriend's IUD.
Interview: Regular, writes new minute weekly. Darkstorm persona. Discusses Subway's nacho offerings being disgusting. Mentions needing to take a shit mid-interview.
- You're not mad at nephew for selling vape pens, you're mad he's a snitch.
- Magnesium makes him pee so hard it splashes, cum pressure knocked out girlfriend's IUD.
- Duncan Trussell leaves mid-interview due to needing to use bathroom
Mike Ryan
Set: Mike discusses losing 100 pounds by eating kids meals, Lindsey Clancy case, explaining postpartum depression to him, and her response being to strangle him.
Interview: Third appearance. Just opened Pink Flamingo Comedy Club in Houston (opened Aug 8). 150 seats, was silent movie theater from 1908, then speakeasy. Pat O'Neill sold out four shows. Married for 8 months, best man was murdered 2 days before wedding.
- Lost 100 pounds by ordering kids meal instead of double quarter pounder.
- When explaining postpartum depression to him, girlfriend strangled him instead.
- Pink Flamingo Comedy Club named after Tony's previous comment about his shirt
- Best man murdered 2 days before wedding, still got married because caterer was paid
Set: Trini Martinez, barber, jokes about barbershops/whorehouses similarity, Magnum condoms for black clients, Jeffrey Dahmer victim stereotypes, and Buc-ee's sausages.
Interview: Houston barber since 2018. First stand-up appearance. 31 years old with arthritis and failing eyesight. Practiced jokes in Baton Rouge barber competition. Has black and Latino clients. Half-white. Wife had two miscarriages. Still trying for kids.
- Barbershops and whorehouses similar: need experienced person to get in/out fast.
- Black guys thought going home with Dahmer meant putting slavery on his ass.
- First stand-up set ever, practiced in barber competition where no one was laughing
- Wife had two miscarriages, still trying for kids
Set: Timmy discusses topical jokes on delay, Obama's alleged leaked dick pic, Rosh Hashanah, Dedrick in jail, and Uncle Lazar's podcast incident with underage girl.
- Jokes about Obama's dick pic leak and Michelle having a horseback physique.
- Uncle Lazar got his dick sucked by 16-year-old-looking girl with Down syndrome on podcast.
- Returns after long absence since Kill Tony Mania, compared to The Undertaker appearance pattern
- Makes callbacks to Dedrick's arrest and Uncle Lazar podcast scandal
Interview: Co-host of Mystery Boys podcast with Kurt Metzger. Panel guest throughout episode. Notes he does charity work and helps people.
- Offers Four Seasons hotel week to Zane Anas who sleeps in car
- Leaves mid-interview to use bathroom
Kurt Metzger
Interview: Co-host of Mystery Boys podcast with Duncan Trussell. Panel guest making commentary and jokes throughout episode. Corrects spelling of 'retarded' multiple times.
- Repeatedly corrects spelling of 'retarded' with intentional misspellings
- Questions if Matthew Jordan is the Charlie Kirk shooting incident person