Celia Contreras

Celia jokes about owning a rape whistle for tunes, hitchhiking despite warnings about rape/kidnapping. Says if kidnapped she 'earned it,' and jokes about needing GPS directions for men during sex, often finishing on her thigh anyway.

• If kidnapped/raped, 'that fucker earned it' because she's hard to get.
• Men need GPS directions to find her vagina; still finish on thigh.

Celia opened with dark humor about her stepfather's suicide, criticized white women and Mexican women, made jokes about eyebrow drawing, discussed her brother's funeral with her sister's inappropriate reactions.

• Stepdad had open mind about hollow-point bullets through head
• Mexican women draw eyebrows on thinking they can do better than God
• Sister made disgusting sound at brother's funeral about sister's crooked drawn eyebrows

Celia opens by encouraging disabled people to pursue dreams, mentions her colorblind racist mother, recalls trying to kill her sister with a coat hanger after reading a 'do the right thing' poster. Continues with wine tasting skepticism and Catholic/alcoholic observations about swallowing blood.

• Colorblind racist mother defies her colorblindness
• Tried to kill sister with coat hanger after motivational poster
• Wine tasting skepticism and Catholic/alcoholic blood metaphor

Celia performs an entire set of dark miscarriage jokes, naming potential children based on how they were lost (Juan, Reese's, Skeet, etc.).

• Naming miscarried children Juan (one who got away), Reese's (came in pieces).
• Skeet—scattered in toilet; can't beat dead horse but can stretch dead baby.

Celia performed about needing two Plan B pills, hidden valley ranch and vagina jokes, and dark material about her father's rap sheet and stepfather's suicide by gunshot.

• Needs two Plan B pills in case first gets lost inside her body
• Dad's rap sheet so long she wrapped it around herself as pretend hug