Kill Tony #624 — Thai Rivera
Guests: Thai Rivera
Lineup
Set: Hans discusses fingering girls, yoga pants, and makes a joke equating "no means no" consent rules to blowing through stop signs without stopping.
Interview: Hans reveals his girlfriend got mad at him twice during an LA trip—once for a shirt he wore with a naked girl on it, and once because other girls Snapchatted him. Discussion covers his notification settings and relationship insecurities.
- Fingering girls in yoga pants compared to resistance bands.
- Women saying 'no means no' then blowing through stop signs makes them rapists.
- Hans confesses to having Snapchat notifications turned on for other girls, gets roasted by Tony.
- Hans reveals girlfriend might be cheating—she's having dinner with her ex tonight.
Set: Tony discusses society naming things after penises (cockpits, peacocks) and makes jokes about female anatomy, ending with sliding into Black vernacular.
Interview: Tony defends his outfit choice and discusses recent move to Austin and DM-ing a girl on Instagram who claims to be a kill Tony fan. Tony is called out for lying and being catfished.
- Cockpit, cockroach, peacock—society named things after penises.
- If we flipped it, women named 'pussy' for short instead of nicknames for Richard.
- A woman from the audience comes on stage and kisses Tony after he uses pickup line about texting her.
- Tony admits he's been 'pussyless' since moving to Austin, hasn't kissed anyone.
Set: Cameron discusses a book on female orgasms his mom gave him as a birthday gift, making jokes about the book's circular page references and men coming easily.
Interview: Cameron is 20 years old, moved from California to Austin two years ago for the comedy scene. Works in maintenance/pool cleaning. Discussion covers his job, age, dating habits, and viewing preferences for adult content.
- Mom gives book on female orgasm; book just tells reader to turn pages.
- Could write book about making men come: 'Jerk it in your room, stroke it on moon.'
- Cameron confesses he doesn't like seeing the guy's face in porn; gets coached on attraction.
- Tony and Ty Rivera explain 'milking porn' to shocked Cameron.
Set: Kam performs as a 'scientist' studying which race performs oral sex best, claiming a white girl changed his life and now he appreciates The Office.
Interview: Kam recently returned from a benefit show in Orlando for retired NFL players where he was cut at 3 minutes. Discusses his dogs and friend Lil Liam who is on house arrest. Mentions selling rocks as merchandise after a show and making $230.
- White girl's oral sex so good, now appreciates The Office and Michael Scott.
- Kam reveals he went to Orlando benefit show for retired NFL players, got cut at 3 minutes.
- Tony almost high-fives Kam but forgets Thai Rivera is sitting next to him.
- Kam discusses selling signed rocks as merchandise after a show for $230.
Set: Celia performs an entire set of dark miscarriage jokes, naming potential children based on how they were lost (Juan, Reese's, Skeet, etc.).
Interview: Celia is from Phoenix, moved to Austin a month and a half ago. Works multiple jobs including tarot readings at bars. Recently gave oral sex to a client after a bad reading. Lost 20 pounds from climbing stairs. Hooked up with 4 guys since moving to Austin.
- Naming miscarried children Juan (one who got away), Reese's (came in pieces).
- Skeet—scattered in toilet; can't beat dead horse but can stretch dead baby.
- Celia admits she downed half a bottle of Crown Royal in the green room at Phoenix kill Tony.
- Celia reveals she performed oral sex on a tarot client after a bad reading.
- Celia shares her strategy for meeting men: find sad guys at bars without open mikers.
Set: Artemio performs his second month of comedy, making jokes about AI and Mexicans, building to a firewall pun that mostly lands with tech people.
Interview: Artemio is 34, starting comedy after his 2020 life became a 'terrible country song.' His marriage ended after a disastrous Disney World trip with his white in-laws. Wife cheated with 'Miss Sarah,' who later became her wife. Artemio is now dating someone from Hinge.
- AI taking jobs sounds familiar to Mexicans; solution is firewall to keep them out.
- Artemio reveals his ex-wife cheated with 'Miss Sarah' after their son received gifts from her.
- Tony has Artemio demonstrate oral sex technique on stage under spotlight; performance is poor.
- Artemio admits he's a 6 or below at eating pussy, wife left him for Miss Sarah.
Set: Nick performs a guitar-based song mocking Joe Rogan devotees, listing Rogan's influence on people who follow his supplement/fitness/tattoo advice.
Interview: Nick is from New Jersey, just arrived in Austin 4 hours before the show. He's a DJ for 10+ years, divorced, previously owned a strip club for 10 years where he dealt with gross situations. Mother died of pancreatic cancer the same day his wife left him.
- Joe Rogan followers do everything he says: supplements, CBD, tattoos, leave wives.
- Nick reveals his mother died of pancreatic cancer and his wife left him the same night.
- Tony notes Nick is performing guitar comedy, which typically isn't well-received on the show.
Set: Dave opens with dark humor about a homeless woman killed by tractor at a winery, follows with sister incest joke and fat-shaming his sister.
Interview: Dave has been doing comedy for 9 years, started in Delaware, cut teeth in Philadelphia, moved to Austin 1-2 years ago. Works as bar manager at Roscoe's Comedy. Has a goth girlfriend with purple hair. Also plays in a hardcore band. Interested in horses/equestrian work.
- Homeless woman killed by tractor at winery—earthy full-bodied vintage with brains.
- Sister calls him fat-phobic; he says he just doesn't find her attractive anymore.
- Dave mentions he was on kill Tony episode 550 with Rich Voss; Tony doesn't remember.
- Dave and girlfriend run Red Arena, an equestrian therapy program for disabled people.
Set: William performs absurdist jokes: homeless woman killed by tractor at winery; warehouse turned out to be illegal Chinese virus lab; Apex Twins EP only has 4 songs.
Interview: William reveals he doesn't wipe his butt after pooping—jumps directly into shower and wipes with soapy fingers. Developed hemorrhoids from this practice. Girlfriend trains him but doesn't yell at him about not wiping. Leaves poop in drain. Gets Cameo requests to show hemorrhoid and nipples.
- Warehouse in California illegal Chinese virus lab; Apex Twins EP only has 4 songs.
- William admits to not wiping his ass, getting in shower instead, using finger and soap.
- William discovered hemorrhoid while fingering his ass in shower; it's still there.
- Girlfriend took picture of William's hemorrhoid; photo shows poop ring around butthole.
- William gets offered Cameo requests to show hemorrhoid, nipples, and perform other acts.