Hans Kim

Topical minute covering UFC at White House, war with Iran, Trump/Nazi references, and gas prices. Heavy on current events and absurdist punchlines.

• Missing tooth from basketball injury, now getting delayed implant due to vaping.
• Compliments band, references UFC at White House and ongoing Iran conflicts.

No set recap for this appearance.

Hans Kim opens with observational jokes about ice storms, ICE enforcement disparities, and a three-gun competition training story.

• Jokes about ICE targeting every minority except Black people
• Three-gun competition reference about carjacking and quail

No set recap for this appearance.

Hans delivered tight material about politicians fleeing Texas, his Jewish girlfriend and mixed-race babies, trans fats, and autocorrect mishaps about his dad and ninjas.

• Ted Cruz weather app tracker for politicians leaving Texas signals disaster
• Jewish girlfriend means Asian Jewish babies like computer code resetting credit
• Thought dad feared ninjas for 3 months but autocorrect showed different meaning

Observational comedy about Texans using VPNs to California for porn, gun ownership jokes, AR-15 range capability, and inability to be angry at distant people. Very direct, deadpan delivery.

• Texans use VPN to California to watch porn.
• Can't be angry at someone 500 yards away.
• As Korean, eat dogs while Chinese ate bats during pandemic.

No set recap for this appearance.

Kill Tony regular returning to perform. Set included Trump jokes, tariff humor, transgender athlete joke about Trump, and political commentary.

• Asian in Texas means 145% tariff added to bill
• Trump best transgender athlete winning 2-0 against women

Opens with relief about election being over, then jokes about Trump blaming immigrants while Americans who've been here longer are the real problem. Makes Native American jokes and thanks Latino attendees.

• I can't wait for grocery store prices to go down after kicking out immigrants who grow food
• Blames problems on Native Americans instead since they've had longer to mess things up

Comedy jobs in new administration, Fiona as border collie, Tony Puerto Rico comment, glad Trump back, Democrats shutdown, old people dying.

• Everyone in new administration got comedy jobs, including Fiona
• Tony from Ohio landlocked garbage unlike Puerto Rico island
• Glad COVID happened, got rid of bachelorette parties and Dominicans

Set with racist/sexist material: men better at sports/war/movies (Ghostbusters/Ocean's 11), glad Trump won so Asians get wall protection, Asian person in New Orleans couldn't kill as many as Asian hitting wall, joke about having [ __ ] through his eyes/constipation.

• Men better at sports, war, Ghostbusters, Ocean's 11; Trump win good for Asians getting wall protection
• Asian in New Orleans couldn't kill as many as Asian hitting wall; running into wall reference
• Apologizes for offense; wouldn't want buttholes to pucker looking like his eyes; eyes tight like [ __ ]

Local Vegas jokes about Raiders and A's leaving Oakland, Vegas as place to be magician without pedophile suspicion, Hogwarts for douchebags, Jewish pager joke about Hezbollah.

• Vegas took Raiders, A's, and crime from Oakland; magician = pedophile assumption
• Vegas is Hogwarts for douchebags; can tell people you're magician without pedophile assumption
• Jews blowing up pagers in Lebanon; terrorists had to have pagers

No set recap for this appearance.

Han Kim opens with observations about distracted driving, current events, feminists, and rape accusations. Well-written, rock solid material from a Kill Tony Hall of Famer.

• Texas Drift joke about phone distraction in cars leading to lane changes.
• Feminists forced to be attracted to fat women or they'll be accused of rape.
• Joke about strapping flashlight to Roomba as the end of humanity.

Hans opens with observational humor about China's moon rover and fentanyl, jokes about doctors calling disabled children 'Kill Tony golden ticket winners', and commentary on drag shows versus straight men. Closes with a bit about straight men being 'undefeated' at molesting children compared to drag queens.

• China landed rover on moon, so now there's fentanyl there
• Drag is men dressing as women; if women dressed as men we'd beat them
• Straight men undefeated at molesting kids vs drag queens at story hour

No set recap for this appearance.

Asian man as elite female athlete, Mexican woman in Asia, respecting elders, Biden assassination attempt, Trump shooting joke as pro-KKK material, dry cleaning business jokes.

• Asian man is elite female athlete like Mexican woman
• White patch on Trump's ear pro-KKK joke
• Girlfriend in Europe without FaceTime, concerned about loyalty

Political commentary on women's rights and dating preferences, with misogynistic takes on women's intelligence and Asian masculinity versus American masculinity.

• Women shouldn't run for president after just getting voting rights
• Women want confident American men who attack Iraq, not careful Asian boys

Hans discusses Father's Day, basketball waves, and being Asian with chopsticks. He mentions loving the African-American community and makes observational humor about racial and cultural differences.

• NBA wave at basketball game mistaken for crime wave
• Being Asian difficult with chopsticks and whiskey

Political humor comparing Trump and Biden to Kendrick and Drake, buying AR-15, jokes about female ingratitude and sexual assault, bringing nunchucks on stage.

• Trump is Kendrick (winner, Black), Biden is Drake (sleepy pedophile)
• Everything men invented was for women's approval, so they keep raping them

Hans discussed watching Joe Rogan with Terrence Howard, recent bombing in the country correlating with better Uber drivers, women enjoying drag as blackface for women.

• Comparing Terrence Howard math to Asian NBA players and Jeremy Lin
• Better Uber drivers correlate with countries bombed by U.S.
• Drag as blackface for women

Observational humor about Afro-Latino beats, women's appearance vs. behavior, dog ownership as perversion, and misunderstandings about consent.

• Women dress sexy then get mad when you want to fuck them
• Owning a dog means staring at it while it pees, which is perverted
• Basketball shorts analogy about consent and desire

Sat on the panel this episode.

No set recap for this appearance.

Loves being in Texas where he can say retard. Can't jerk off to retarded people anymore, has to picture it. Comments on San Francisco being 'mecca of Asians' where Asian women have asses. Jokes about mistaking Latino boys for Asian girls.

• Love Texas because can say retard; can't jerk off to them anymore, picture it
• San Francisco is mecca of Asians where Asian women have asses
• Unsure if girl with ass is Asian or 12-year-old Latino boy

Hans performs a new minute with his typical irreverent style, joking about voting, the Apple Vision Pro, poor people, and pigeons. He displays his characteristic offensive comedy approach.

• I'm glad Apple Vision Pro exists so masturbating on buses looks less weird
• Poor people brag about being poor; poor friend was locked in cage like a pigeon

Jokes about abortion, Muhammad Ali airport turbulence, and recent sexual encounters. Set ran short at 44 seconds.

• Men killing things vs women starting with fetuses, working up to Filipinos.
• Muhammad Ali Airport turbulence compared to Parkinson's disease.
• 69 position joke: having sex with sixes while thinking he's a nine.

Hans performs material about being mistaken for not being from Texas despite his appearance, immigration, paralysis, and family relationships with absurdist callbacks.

• Paralyzed from neck down could be good for bondage; God as new father figure.
• Immigrants coming over helps with dirty windshield and picking up flowers.

Hans discusses his recent breakup and having sex seven times with his ex-girlfriend in one week. He jokes about not having time for relationships due to his podcast commitment.

• Had sex seven times after breakup, all with his ex during breakup
• No time for girlfriend due to podcast requiring sitting in underwear

Regular status battle set about squirting vs peeing, kissing guy puking comparison, women feeling safe around him due to ruining vibes of rape.

• Peeing is squirting, not other way around
• Women feel safe because he ruins vibes of potential rape

Hans opens with observational humor about catcalling, insults between men, and his jealousy of white people's eye contact abilities. He discusses his cartel-inspired Amazon shirt and prepares for his battle tomorrow against Rick Diaz.

• Catcallers necessary for female comedians' material
• Men insult each other by calling women/feminine traits
• White people have naturally bigger eyes than Asian people

Set about a smelly Bangladeshi roommate, sending Ozempic to Palestinians, and hating when ugly people compare their dating to his.

• Bangladeshi roommate cooks smelly food, opens bathroom door while pooping to air out smell.
• Sending Ozempic to Palestinians in Gaza to make bombing cleanup easier.
• Ugly people dating is like NFL vs MLS - same field, nobody watching.

Jokes about eyebrow spacing, penis vs other peeing mechanisms, and polar bears. Set received mixed reactions.

• The space between eyebrows and eyes is very large; can express anger and surprise with aviator sunglasses
• Penis is superior peeing mechanism but side effects include rape and murder
• Polar bears should evolve camouflage against sky or water, not melting things

Hans jokes about dryers for catching stepmoms, Ubers, Cybertrucks, and his girlfriend complimenting his personality despite his small dick.

• I have been putting dryers all throughout my neighborhood because I want to catch a stepmom
• I've been thinking about getting the new Cybertrucks to tell people my dick is small and I wax my balls

Hans performed political commentary, jokes about Joe Biden and patriotism, and stories about his girlfriend's confusion about geography and his mushroom use.

• Not everyone patriotic is a loser but losers are patriotic
• Girlfriend thought Japan was nation-state not country

Observational comedy about racial stereotypes, white people's thin lips and lack of buttocks, Mexicans needing documentation, and gay marriage being legal in Texas but not weed.

• White people have thin lips and no buttocks, need hip-hop classes
• Gay marriage legal in Texas but not weed, so he'll just suck dick

Hans opened with a joke about Matt Rife's special being bad, then discussed his wealth and family upbringing compared to poor people, ending with a joke about dating a Salvadoran beauty pageant winner.

• Matt Rife special cancellation joke opening
• Dating beauty pageant winner with pageant number tattooed on forehead
• Parents had money, didn't have panic babies unlike poor people

Hans performs about Israel-Palestine conflict backlash, girlfriend complaints about his stubble, and explicit sexual acts with his girlfriend involving ejaculation and toilet paper cleanup.

• Love when Middle East conflict helps identify which friends are Mexican
• Girlfriend complains stubble hurts when kissing; compares to rubbing dick on 5 o'clock shadow
• Matthew Perry hot tub joke: for Friends guy he could've used a couple of them

New material about following Instagram models, midgets vs. Mexicans, and strip clubs. Hans admits jokes were just for racism.

• Girlfriend mad at following Instagram models; prefers watching them age
• If midgets called little people, what do we call Mexicans

Matthew Perry references, observational humor about women watching murder documentaries vs. men watching porn, ghosting a sunburned girl.

• Matthew Perry death in hot tub despite being on 'Friends' show
• Ghosted girl because she was too sunburned
• Women watch murder docs, men watch porn creation

Topical material about Israel-Palestine conflict mixed with self-deprecating Asian jokes and commentary on dangerous groups he offended.

• I've been going to restaurants and not tipping to support Israel
• Why are you having a music festival next to Gaza

Hans opened with tight observational material about eclipses and his dating preferences, setting up his upcoming HB Center bout with golden ticket winner Rick Diaz.

• I don't have to wear eclipse glasses because his eyes are always in Eclipse mode.
• Israel/Palestine/Russia/Jada Pinkett Smith joke about geopolitical conflicts.

Hans opens with observations about UFC submission holds and buttfucking, transitions to jokes about hot summer heat matching test scores, and references Mexican test scores.

• UFC submission where opponent retires if buttfucked for 10 seconds
• Temperature matching test scores as Asian person
• Preference for Mexican test scores 70-72

Autistic Asian comedian opens with blackface makeup artist joke, Mexican sorting hat bit, and crude relationship content with girlfriend including cruise tracking app and strip club visit.

• Applying for makeup artist job on BET to get better at blackface
• Mexico like sorting hat for Mexican immigrants deciding East or West Coast
• Girlfriend went on cruise, showed app tracking her location in ocean getting fucked

Observations about Nashville's 'Negro Building' being renamed a basketball court, jokes about tattoos and aging, and humorous commentary on Instagram teeth-whitening products used on skin.

• Nashville museum had 'Negro building' now called basketball court
• No one says they wouldn't date someone because of their tattoos
• Using purple Instagram teeth product on skin instead of teeth

Hans opened with self-deprecating humor about being gender fluid, then pivoted to commentary on the Lizzo controversy, airplane drug use, and jurisdiction jokes.

• Gender fluid identity; father identified him as a pussy.
• Lizzo controversy is fat-on-fat violence, too padded to hurt.
• Emotional support drugs on planes means can't be arrested mid-air.

Brief set cut off after ~43 seconds with jokes about Texas not caring about COVID, COVID spread through farts, comparison of New York and Asia subways, and racial jokes about Black and Asian stereotypes.

• If COVID spread through farts, Texans would expose their buttholes.
• Being Asian is difficult; Black people mock Asian penis size.

Hans discusses his girlfriend's sexual preferences, pool noodle comparisons, women refs in sports, and Trump's legal troubles. Quick-hit joke structure with soft punchlines throughout.

• Girlfriend insists on sex after he comes multiple times, makes pool noodle comparison
• All female refs in women's sports because men can't catch subtle fouls
• Biden indicts Trump every time he falls over

Hans delivers observational humor about racism across different cultures (NJ tax-based vs direct racism), followed by a Home Depot joke about robbery. Set includes dark material about his relationship and a controversial bit about a game called 'rape.'

• Everything you need to rob Home Depot is sold at Home Depot
• Home Depot as an amazing story because it contains all robbery supplies

Hans defended his regular spot against challenger Scott Fillmore with tight jokes about dating a white woman, Gen Z porn terminology, and his girlfriend's intelligence.

• Dating white woman is like getting into Harvard
• Gen Z watches porn only if called 'unboxing video'
• Girlfriend turns on dome light to look at phone, might be stupid

Opens with a joke about a Black man arrested for hitting white people with chairs, comparing it to pro wrestling. Continues with observational humor about Republicans and community service at Lululemon.

• Black man arrested for hitting whites with chairs compared to pro wrestling greetings.
• Republicans not afraid except communism, terrorism, abortion, gay marriage, and trans people.

Hans discusses fingering girls, yoga pants, and makes a joke equating "no means no" consent rules to blowing through stop signs without stopping.

• Fingering girls in yoga pants compared to resistance bands.
• Women saying 'no means no' then blowing through stop signs makes them rapists.

Hans performs edgy material on driving in Austin, trans women in sports, and turns it into a commentary on the Special Olympics. He references local issues and demonstrates strong punchline construction.

• Stopped using turn signal, took it out, just a holster there now.
• Women's sports are for people that suck at sports, like Special Olympics.

Hans opened with edgy jokes about his small genitals, affirmative action, and Asian parenting, ending with a joke about molestation. He demonstrated strong crowd control and timing throughout.

• After fingering girls, they say that's the best you'll get
• Affirmative action joke comparing college classrooms to Sound of Freedom screening
• Asian parents wouldn't care about molestation; might improve violin skills

Topical jokes about finding cocaine at White House, Juneteenth for white people as invasion metaphor, trans athletes in women's sports and drag for children humiliating women.

• Found powdery white substance at White House, at least it was powdery this time
• Calls Juneteenth 'Juneteenth for white people,' then jokes about invasions
• Trans people educate children and humiliate women in sports, need dressing down

Hans Kim delivered dark material about self-defense, airport security, age of consent, and stereotype humor targeting multiple groups with shock comedy tactics.

• Best bullets for self-defense and mass shooting scenarios.
• Age of consent in Japan is 13 years old.
• If you see something suspicious say something suspicious.

Joke-heavy set about billionaires, wealthy people, and Andrew Tate in Romania. Strong premise-driven comedy without much storytelling.

• Ocean Gate made a bad submarine to disrupt the billionaire space
• Moving to country known for certain crimes (Japan/upskirts, America/mass shootings)

Hans performs a bit about an ad featuring an Asian firefighter and a woman, critiquing diversity in emergency services with edgy commentary about safety and privilege.

• Diversity in firefighting ad makes him want to die; prefers Nazi generations of food security.
• Safe spaces for white people already exist in Europe; if you want that life, go to England.

Hans joked about returning to Korea, stereotypes about Asian people, and a failed threesome attempt where he fell asleep fingering his girlfriend while her friend slept nearby.

• People in Korea all look the same so can't respect anyone when they resemble his girlfriend.
• His white girlfriend wore Korea shirt, but DNA sample in right spot would be 100% Korean.

Hans performs observational comedy about returning from Korea, Black Little Mermaid casting, and racial swimming stereotypes. Set includes applause breaks and audience engagement.

• Black Little Mermaid causes concern about swimming safety
• Jokes about Asian NASCAR driver reference to Talladega Nights

Hans discussed sexual timing with girlfriends, erectile dysfunction, and UFC fights as foreplay. He sang 'Hey There Delilah' and discussed Korean massage techniques.

• Girls get mad when you want sex after they get ready—that's when they look hottest.
• Erectile dysfunction makes TSA easier because they can barely feel the love of a woman.

Observational comedy about defunding police in Austin, Seattle fashion culture, and personal insecurity about his girlfriend's fidelity. Discusses mushroom use, finding unsaved numbers in girlfriend's phone, and getting an STD test after an anonymous warning.

• Seattle residents look like they're trying to fly Spirit without paying for carry-on
• School for every disability in Texas, including one for Mexicans

Hans discusses dating a white woman, Asian representation in dating, election season, and a Vegas trip where he remained cocaine-free. He mentions taking goggles to a pool party.

• Asian men thank him for service dating white woman, calling her various names
• Election season concern about only old people running for president with no future
• Swimming in Vegas with medical condition requiring one goggle

Material about a serial killer loose in Austin targeting men, and starting a booze cruise on Lady Bird Lake. Consistent laughs throughout.

• Serial killer targeting men is scary because we're men and he could be on Netflix in three years.
• Started a booze cruise on Lady Bird Lake to save drowning victims but has saved negative three lives.

Fast-paced topical humor about Asian Heritage Month, the economy, transphobia vs homophobia, Trump, and Michael Jordan comparisons. Tight delivery with strong closer about Jewish stereotypes.

• Millennials calling Trump sex offender when that wasn't his main thing
• Kung fu movie reference for Asian Heritage Month meaning
• Jews aren't sexually powerful, normally get fucked at the bank

Hans jokes about road rage, a controversial doorbell shooting incident, tax filing methods, and cocaine use during camping. The set is disjointed with unclear connections between topics.

• White guy shot Black kid ringing doorbell; kid rang it like a gangster
• Did taxes by hand, mailed like ballot, convinced IRS he's a sex therapist

Hans joked about Canada, military budgets, and his attractive girlfriend. He used strategic jokes about blocking attractive comedians to prevent his girlfriend from leaving him.

• Military budget comparisons to acquiring Central American countries.
• Blocking attractive comedians on girlfriend's Instagram to prevent her leaving.

Jokes about Bud Light's trans spokesperson, Asian male dating challenges, and physical appearance observations. Set ends awkwardly mid-thought.

• Bud Light transitioning to water commentary on beer's weakness
• Asian male dating differences between straight and gay orientation

Hans jokes about Austin's small airport, criticizes liberals and trans marchers in Indianapolis, and discusses his weekend in the city. He delivers observational humor about pandemic restrictions and societal changes.

• Austin airport is so small it's just left or right, compared to other airports with concourses A-F.
• Trans people are coastal creatures and need salt air to transition properly.

Hans performs a tight set mixing observational comedy about being open-minded, train derailments, Texas drivers, and Olive Garden. His delivery is squeaky clean and precise.

• Describes talking to gay/trans person and finding it the gayest thing ever
• Love going to Olive Garden and asking for Chopsticks as a joke
• Texas drivers don't change lanes, they teach lessons about bad driving

Discusses tech bros with lanyards, odd observations about women breaking up fights, apologetic Mexican cartels, and Mexican cartel treatment compared to American healthcare. Mentions recent cocaine use and crashed drone.

• Tech Bros with lanyards washing machines as tech
• Mexican cartel apology better than American healthcare access

Hans opened with observations about Austin's homeless scene, then pivoted to dating his new girlfriend with an IUD and made jokes about not needing to worry about her menstrual cycle.

• Homeless people scratching scabs on their faces for money
• Woman with IUD stops getting period, makes sex easier
• Only LGBT cares about is Bluetooth on LG TV

Han discussed the Chinese Expulsion Act, wealth signaling with a Rolex, and confusion about reading analog watches. Mix of political history and observational humor about Asian identity.

• Chinese Expulsion Act worse to Asians than school expulsion because school is their NFL.
• Has a Rolex but can't read it, so pulls out iPhone instead.

Hans performed his weekly opening minute covering topics like semen retention for Rihanna's pregnancy, PR firm wordplay, and observations about blind people walking around.

• Friend bragging about working at PR firm mistaken for Puerto Rico firm
• Blind Middle Eastern people and 9/11 pilot reference

Korean-American comic doing material on outliving white people, dating a 24-year-old Jewish woman who vapes, and recently taking up drone piloting.

• White people age in dog years, so he made friends early to learn about death.
• 24-year-old girlfriend vapes; he jokes about making white stuff come out instead.
• Has been drone piloting and going up to hotel rooms looking in.

Hans discusses surviving Texas winters and makes an ambiguous joke about group observations that creates audience confusion.

• Joke about surviving Texas winters using firearms for warmth
• Ambiguous joke about group of people walking that confuses audience

Topical set covering drone flying, Biden's State of the Union, airline safety, and Kobe's helicopter crash. Strong execution with timely references.

• Drone flying as Asian man feels like structural engineer from Turkey
• Biden praising union troops while Kamala reminds him Civil War ended
• Kobe might have survived if he put seat back in upright position

Hans opened with jokes about guns, a homeless man in a bathroom in Honolulu, and Chinese gender reveal parties. He delivered well-crafted observational humor with strong punchlines.

• Skinny guy turns sideways to avoid being shot by gun owners
• Thought bedet in Honolulu bathroom was actually homeless man urinating
• Gender reveal parties called abortion reveal parties in China

Set about birth control, millennials as consultants, and Texas. Closed with controversial joke about equal rights and tequila shots off women's bodies.

• Girlfriend on birth control treated as microdosing abortions
• All millennials are consultants—fake jobs for middle class welfare

Skinny observational comedy about dating Black women, liberal politics, and curiosity about gay relationships. Tight five with strong callbacks on missionary positioning.

• When spooning a Black chick, can only cover one cheek at a time.
• Questions about bottom wearing condom and whether bottom stays hard during relationship.

Hans performs edgy material about Texas, loving it despite being liberal-friendly, pandemic fears, and Mexican culture. His jokes use sharp observations about regional differences and cultural contrasts.

• Mopping is Mexican calligraphy
• Texans afraid of virus when Hans coughs during pandemic

Hans joked about being Asian, eating bad food, Andrew Tate's jail status, and Elon Musk buying Romania. He discussed eating live squid and recent sexual makeout sessions.

• I'm so Asian my favorite restaurant is Petco
• Andrew Tate in jail, only hope if Elon buys Romania
• Got a bad burger, ordered another to practice revenge

Liberal stereotypes (pulling down masks), Megan the Stallion horse jokes, making ugly kids with attractive women, shallow dating humor.

• Liberals pull masks down to hear better
• Making ugly kids with hot girls means ruining their Thanksgivings

Asian perspective jokes (babies, bring-your-daughter-to-work trap), shoe size = woman's size 12 = 'giant woman's dick'. Short written bits.

• As Asian rarely see baby girls; usually scrap them and try for boy
• Men's shoe size 10.5 equals women's 12, meaning he has giant woman's dick

Hans discusses fake service dogs meeting each other, driving a moped in Texas where people can't kill him, and finding a dead raccoon in his crawl space.

• Fake service dogs meeting each other and losing all pretenses of being official.
• Driving a moped means people can't T-bone you because it's not long enough.
• Dead raccoon in crawl space that took two garbage bags to remove.

Hans Kim performed tight observational comedy comparing Mexicans to Asians who don't do homework, joked about drunk public arrest disparities versus Biden's presidency, and self-identified as a bad person.

• Mexicans are Asians that don't do their homework
• Drunk arrest unfair compared to Biden's presidency autonomy

Observational comedy about protesters in China, crowd crushes, and feminist men offering their genitals as crowd-control devices. Attempts at absurdist humor with moderate execution.

• Protesters in China asking 'where are we' during lockdown; naive crowd crush observation

Hans discusses licking buttholes without making it a personality trait, clubbing with couples, and a Thanksgiving sex marathon with his girlfriend. He wraps with a pilgrims/Indians joke connecting to butthole eating.

• Licking buttholes shouldn't be a personality trait like Gatorade flavor
• Clubbing with significant other is watching people try to cheat
• Thanksgiving sex marathon where he ate her butt while she ate his

Hans performs verified Twitter status jokes, liberal political commentary, and casual observational humor about war losses and Russian military struggles.

• Liberals would tip slaves on a plantation
• Russians losing a war they can drive to vs Oklahomans avoiding Disney World

Hans opens with political material about Beto O'Rourke's loss and a controversial Red Wave abortion joke, followed by STD/football punchlines. The set awkwardly requires explanation during the interview.

• Glad Beto lost because he has the face of someone who makes good concession speeches
• Red Wave was between a woman's leg who didn't want to give birth (abortion joke)
• Scoring TDs in his own life as STDs, sexual touchdowns

Hans jokes about riding a moped and being mistaken for a delivery driver, references Kyrie Irving's anti-Semitic post and having to give money to Jewish people.

• Asian moped compared to white person's minivan
• Kyrie Irving gives Jews money for anti-Semitic post

Hans compared skinny women to boys and thick women to fat men, discussed his moped purchase, and mentioned trying to pick up chicks on it.

• Compared skinny women to boys, thick women to fat men
• Moped struggles picking up chicks due to size constraints

Hans opened with observational jokes about Boston's pride in the Revolutionary War, dirty talk during sex, and escalator issues at the venue. He discussed sharing a hotel room with William Montgomery and the latter's night terrors.

• Can defeat Revolutionary Army with Home Depot trip and five dollar Mexicans
• Dirty talking during sex: 'I see a lot of myself in you right now about three inches'

Hans discusses growing up Asian American on high fructose corn syrup, references to a woman in a burka, and jokes about Tony calling him mean names. He carries headphones to listen to Kill Tony when insulted.

• Growing up Asian American, emphasis on American, fed high fructose corn syrup and xanthan gum
• Woman in burka could be wearing mask and be a liberal with no idea
• Tony calls him the f-word which hurts his feelings so he listens to Kill Tony

Hans discusses driving to Oklahoma City, billboards as 'white trash smoke signals,' and his love of white people, making commentary on Asian people eventually being considered white like Italians were 50 years ago.

• Oklahoma billboards compared to Facebook comments, racist commentary in billboard form.
• Asian people will eventually be considered white like Italians, decades away from acceptance.

Hans opens with Martha's Vineyard joke and talks about dating a white woman, comparing her appearance to a Japanese flag with nipples.

• Martha's Vineyard not a real vineyard; Mexicans sent to pick grapes
• Dating white woman as Asian man, reverse Yoko Ono trying to start band
• Girlfriend looks like Japanese flag with nipples during period sex

Opening regular doing observational humor about the new Little Mermaid casting, dirty talk in relationships, and sexual prowess. Tight, well-crafted minute with strong callbacks to his established persona.

• New Little Mermaid being Black is unthreatening because water isn't their strong suit
• First Black Disney Princess comes with her own shower cap
• My idea of dirty talk is apologizing during sex

Hans discusses his transformation from living in a van to wearing Balenciaga shoes, jokes about not being racist despite confusing Black individuals, and references getting Danny Brown's expensive shoes.

• I confuse one black person for multiple people instead of thinking they all look the same.
• Year ago living in van, now wearing Balenciaga shoes thanks to Tony.

Hans discusses his attraction to women, skinny hands for fingering, difficulty dating, and basketball analogies. He references being half South Korean, half autistic.

• Women don't want thigh gaps; he has skinny hands to finger from any angle.
• Girls never admit they're on dates with him; compares to asking basketball player if he wants to play basketball.

Hans opens with jokes about Biden's student loan forgiveness, yoga studios, and a recent yoga class where he met two beautiful ladies from Rhode Island.

• Biden forgave $10k student loans, $20k with Pell Grant, $30k if you let him sniff your hair.
• Yoga studios make you bring your own mat like ice rinks making you bring ice.

Hans jokes about women, the Marines vs Navy rivalry, and being defensive about military jokes. He uses self-deprecating humor and ends by disclaiming harm to the armed forces.

• Women can love dogs with one eye but not him.
• Marines and Navy are redundant; suggests alternative armed forces like lava or fog.

Hans performs material about white people, white supremacist tattoos, and racial dynamics with his characteristic observational humor.

• White supremacists need tattoos to remember to be racist.
• Gas to Dallas costs $1800 based on white guy's math.

Hans performed material in cowboy persona about wanting gay son, gay people's sex lives, AIDS epidemic, girlfriend refusing sex when sick. Strong delivery in character.

• Wanting gay son because gay sex better than straight relationships
• Girlfriend won't have sex with cold, gay people fucked during AIDS

Hans discusses his frequent trips to Florida, being mistaken for a Coke dealer, meeting fans, and recent unprotected pool sex with his ex-girlfriend.

• Biden got COVID, predictable during pandemic with 77-year-old president
• Old people running government can't figure out iPads or outlets
• Florida sex trafficking capital means he's not only Asian performing for old white men

Hans delivers absurdist observations about his recent sexual activity, his back issues, and comparisons between Biden and Cuba Gooding Jr., utilizing physical comedy and surreal premises.

• Compares hating Biden to hating Cuba Gooding Jr. because Biden is barely there.
• Describes using two knuckles during sex due to his 90-degree bend in lower back, comparing himself to a Tetris piece.

Observational humor about Texas intelligence, abortion legality, and dating apps where he also watches porn. Transitions between Amanda and dating profiles while discussing his ex-girlfriend Rachel.

• People in Texas are dumb like manatees without aggression.
• Using dating apps while jerking off to porn creates awkward transitions.

Single life observations mixed with arena comedy material about dating, Vegas stories with Joe Rogan, and absurdist takes on politics and aging.

• Mandalay Bay pun about a girl taking forever to get ready.
• Jokes about old people making laws to prevent better sex.

Hans opened with observations about PTSD storytellers, temperature confusion, and whether traps should be legal. The set was weaker than usual and received notably less laughter.

• Listeners with PTSD tell boring stories that trigger his own PTSD of listening to boring stories.
• Confuses why weather apps show both actual and 'feels like' temperatures when you only interact with temperature by feeling it.
• If guns are legal, traps should be legal too, with absurd examples of people getting caught in nets.

Set about being a millennial, talking to women, millennials vs Gen Z naming conventions, PTSD, and Amazon purchases. Incomplete due to saving material for next week.

• Gen Z called Zoomers because that's as far into future we thought.
• Discusses pregnancy pillows on Amazon order history in comedic context.

Hans Kim performed new material about audience expectations, drug use jokes, and regional observations including jokes about Colorado being a rectangle and Nebraska references.

• Joke about audience being high on drugs but not Moderna/Pfizer/Johnson & Johnson
• Colorado is a rectangle joke that reminds homesick people of home

Hans performs new material about respecting trees on Memorial Day, the Greatest Generation, and the Anne Frank House, closing with a joke about claiming a house by squatting in an attic.

• Anne Frank just squatted in attic, doesn't make it her house
• Greatest Generation were kind of annoying, half were Nazis
• Respecting trees and bushes to honor troops on Memorial Day

Hans opens with jokes about vegans being annoying, then pivots to jokes about borders and maps. Topics include fitness, relationships, liberal girlfriends, and minority groups.

• Vegans are worse than animal murderers due to annoying personalities
• Self-help books can be found on roadside with evicted family belongings
• Borders are necessary for maps and geography

Hans discusses gun violence in Chicago, trans people, bicyclists, and his sister as a feminist. Set clocks in at 52 seconds.

• Chicago has actual gun violence compared to Texas target practice
• Sister is a feminist, calls her a sore loser

Stand-up about loving Austin, retards and f***s, pickup trucks and roundabouts, abortion, and relationship sex. Tight 1:20 minute set with strong material throughout.

• I love it here in Austin because never know if performing for retards or f***s
• Girlfriend says he's best man she's been with, but previous two were women
• Men's featherweight champion of rachel's p***y

Hans observes staring at women in public, separating snowboarding by gender, and perversion. He compares beautiful women to scenic sunsets that can yell at you.

• Beautiful woman compared to breathtaking scenic sunset that can yell at you.
• Snowboarding separated by gender because pile of jackets has vagina making flips worth more.

Set about attraction to women, evolutionary biology of male behavior, and relationship dynamics. Concludes with a joke about being turned on when hearing women tell someone to wash their hands at Subway.

• Body's reaction to beautiful women mimics stalking and sweating behavior.
• Skinny women preference joke escalating to ultimate attraction being nothing.
• Getting turned on hearing women tell someone to wash hands at Subway.

Observational humor about names, Christians and the footprints poem, dating American women, and racial docility. Includes story about massage gunning girlfriend's buttocks and intimate details about sexual performance.

• Christians have footprints poem but homophobic Jesus wouldn't carry dudes on beaches
• Difficulty dating American women because they're tough; other races are docile and nice

Korean-American comedian joking about loving Texas, the Alamo and child detention, Ukraine Instagram posts, and gas prices. Physical comedy and awkward energy throughout.

• Ukraine Instagram posts won't matter if they lose the war.
• If someone in Ukraine ignores politics, Instagram posts are pointless.

Hans makes jokes about tornado warnings in Austin, discusses dating a Ukrainian woman with explicit sexual details, and talks about sleeping in the same bed with an American woman.

• Tornado in Austin due to cocaine snorting analogy
• Ukrainian girlfriend has sensitive clitoris, describes windshield wiper technique

Hans opens with self-deprecating liberal politics, attacking poor people, women, and Hispanics with absurdist humor. He discusses slinging rocks as a hobby and sings about wanting sexual attention while being a non-threatening third wheel.

• I'm a liberal who wants to exterminate poor people because they're disgusting.
• Not worried about panic attacks, worried about Hispanic attacks instead.
• Sings about being a non-threatening third wheel wanting sexual attention.

Political material about conservative women, observations on Asian men and attraction, crude sexual humor. Set showcased strong recovery after a rough opening.

• Conservative women as daughters of confederacy who keep breaking up with him
• Asian men are not considered sexy despite creating Asian women

Topical set about Will Smith slapping Chris Rock at the Oscars, making jokes about Jada Pinkett Smith's infidelity and the absurdity of the incident.

• If she wasn't hot we wouldn't have all fucked her already
• Chris Rock should have said he was just trying to fuck Will's wife

Hans jokes about people telling him to mind his business, struggles talking to women, and discusses his recent move into a house where he bought an inversion table.

• Mind your own business doesn't apply to actual business with corporate espionage
• Women ask detailed questions during sex like recovering email passwords
• Don't chat with men about sex because nobody's more interesting than genitals

Hans opens with mask-wearing liberal humor, then pivots to struggling to get laid as a Kill Tony regular, attempts to cut back on porn but only lasts 36 hours, and describes watching Japanese armpit massage content.

• Pandemic mask-wearing as liberal expressing fear
• Kill Tony regular power used unsuccessfully to get laid
• Porn creates unrealistic expectations showing women saying yes

Observational comedy about smartphones, genocide history, and police violence. Kim joked about people at bus stops making eye contact while he prefers being on his phone avoiding them.

• All worst genocides/war crimes happened before smartphones
• Need phone storage in case you witness police brutality

Observational comedy about painting, pronouns, government conspiracy theories, and getting stronger. Dark humor mixed with self-deprecating bits about relationships.

• Compares painting criticism to pronouns attracting attention without work.
• Friend believes government run by pedophiles; conspiracy theory humor.
• Wants to be strong enough so girls don't push him back.

Hans delivered observational comedy about parking tickets, airport security post-9/11, and a bicycle identifying as an automobile. His material was sharp and precisely 60 seconds.

• Parking tickets and removing windshield wipers
• Airport security intensified on 9/11 as if date, not foreign policy, is the problem
• Bicyclist identified as automobile, told to use turn signals

Hans discusses liberal street smarts, people playing music loudly in public, and Asian eye physiology. He ends with a joke about camping and eyeball freezing.

• Liberal street smart people ignore Black people and avoid eye contact
• Asian people have extra eyelid skin to insulate eyes from cold when camping

Hans discusses being shoved in NYC as an Asian person, compares protection of women vs. poop on TV, makes jokes about nipple pasties and burkas, absurdist humor throughout.

• Asians vulnerable to being shoved because of hollow bones and not good at getting shoved
• Can show breasts on TV with just nipple covering but can't disrespect poop like women
• Women in burkas with holes at nipples look like nursing ghosts, can't jerk off to that

Hans opens with MLK library joke and escalator bit about people walking up them. Clean, observational humor with strong timing.

• Library closed for MLK birthday is rude way to celebrate
• Guy on escalator questioning why people walk up them

Jokes about OJ Simpson, Brazilian jiu jitsu, and a cold bar encounter with a Chicago guy. Crude and honest observational humor.

• OJ Simpson widower needs help finding killer
• Brazilian jiu jitsu is normal jiu jitsu where you shave opponent's pubic hair

Hans discusses police hand fetishes, blames rich people instead of Mexicans for economic problems, and makes observations about wealthy people's sex lives.

• Cops have a hand fetish because they're always asking to see hands.
• People blame poor Mexicans for economic problems instead of rich people.
• Rich people don't miss out on anything after good sex.

Hans discussed lying to get laid, comparing the Confederate flag to failed divorce, and circumcision through evolutionary lens. He mentioned working with Tony Hinchcliffe, Joe Rogan, and Ron White.

• Circumcision evolution vs. Bible weirdness about dicks
• Confederate flag as representing marriage argument like divorce papers

Hans discusses growing up Christian as an Asian person, the Bible's narrative structure, and his atheism. He jokes about fossils and ideology being destroyed by facts.

• Bible doesn't mention Asians until halfway through, then kills main character repeatedly
• Being atheist less stressful than ideology destroyed by scientific facts like fossils

Korean comedian riffs on building railroads, facial recognition technology, La Fitness pronunciation, and soup stereotypes.

• Asians built railroads but Americans don't use them anymore
• La Fitness sounds like 'a lot fitness' like a Mexican gym with piñata treadmills

Hans performs observational comedy about scissoring terminology, Chinese food/wet markets, and coronavirus hospital construction. Set includes edgy racial humor about China and discusses living in a van with significant savings.

• Why is scissoring called that when it doesn't involve scissors?
• Chinese wet markets and building hospitals in 10 days due to eating bats.
• People afraid to blame China for coronavirus to avoid appearing racist.

Observational comedy about dating in your 30s, Asian women's body shape, and women being pro-choice except about restaurants.

• Asian women don't have big booties like Latinas
• Women are pro-choice except when deciding where to eat

Hans delivered a sharp, absurdist set about Kyle Rittenhouse, library looting, and his unique bathroom wiping method using wet toilet paper at public sink faucets. The set showcased clever misdirection and escalating absurdity.

• Kyle Rittenhouse claims he provided first aid; joke about including assault rifle in first aid kit to provide 'last aid.'
• Library looting comparison: why don't looters just get a library card instead since they're free.
• Joke about making rich people spin in revolving doors to distract from personal financial problems.

Tight minute about grandparents being Holocaust survivors who were in Korea during Japanese occupation instead; dating without social safety net; bernie sanders joke.

• Grandparents are Holocaust survivors but were in Korea during Japanese occupation the whole time.
• Tough to date without social safety net; women looking for Bernie Sanders not orgasm.

Han Kim jokes about being called autistic, being in a long-distance relationship, and comparing his girlfriend to owning a star. Strong material with rapid-fire tags.

• Long-distance relationship compared to owning a star certificate.
• Girlfriend always catches him during sex, anal is smelly.

Hans opened with observations about being a minority and racism, made jokes about white pride, the Middle East, and hating Jews. He maintained absurdist humor throughout.

• I don't see race, only smell it—especially in Ubers
• White pride should involve castles and yodeling, not Nazis

Han jokes about living in a van to pursue comedy, difficulty dating after Gabby Petito, jerking off in vans with hazard lights flashing, and sexual tension.

• Living in van makes dating hard after Gabby Petito murder case
• Jerking off in van causes hazard lights to flash, signaling activity
• Roof leaking in van similar to phone drying in rice bowl

New material about narcissism and gender, abortion policy in Texas. Fast-paced observational comedy with edgy premises.

• People too narcissistic to be unattractive without gender transition.
• Abortion in Texas should target best babies to avoid weeds.

Hans Kim performs about being straight, women, relationships, and his lack of respect from his father. Features jokes about protein during pregnancy, relationships, and a cum rag.

• Women vs. bigger, hairier versions of women for sexual purposes.
• Men would overeat protein/creatine if they gave birth.
• Relationships = carrying around your mistakes.

Observational jokes about having sex with a yoga instructor, not understanding sober people, and drug addicts talking about their experiences. Concludes with commentary on Asian comedy.

• Girl into yoga and choke sex - do you enjoy breathing or not
• Drug addict says you don't know addiction - if only you'd write books
• Asian comedy - still hungry for more afterwards

Kim performs material about white women not dating Asian men, microaggressions, his friend's dumb comments, and uniting America through threats of violence. New minute featuring observational humor about being Asian in America.

• White women don't date Asian men because Asians are better women, more obedient
• Asian smile comment makes him think about being physically different every time he feels happy
• Friend says America divided; Hans threatens to shoot him if he says it again

Hans performs biblical jokes mocking Adam and Eve as a couple, comparing them unfavorably to gay couples. He jokes about atheism and internet access.

• Adam and Eve weren't a good couple; their son murdered a quarter of the world's population.
• I am an atheist because I'm not in kindergarten and have internet.

Riffs on German-Korean name meaning, K-pop dancing, and future of manhood. Gang violence threat from McDonald's drive-thru included.

• German name gives him cover as non-Asian, hides bratwurst-loving side
• German-Korean name means hating Japanese Jews who are K-pop dancers

Prison jokes about dropping soap misconception; rapists are go-getters who rape regardless. One new minute of dark, absurdist humor about prison rape.

• Drop the soap prison myth wrong; real issue is bending over, rapists are go-getters.

Hans delivers jokes about being Asian, racist stereotypes, and Asian cultural stereotypes about driving and eating dogs.

• Asians eat dogs because they have bigger dicks and better driving
• Just because I look like this doesn't mean I speak Ching Chong

Hans opens strong with jokes about the Olympics, child molestation timing, and African water access. He jokes about his sister and toilet water in Africa.

• Child molesters wait until victims are 25 before they get revenge, so Hans only molests the elderly.
• Sister says African drinking water is dirtier than toilet water; Hans offers to let African people drink from his toilet.

Hans performs about his sexual inexperience, difficulty with glasses fogging during sex, being single, and not understanding why women won't listen to him talk about the Federal Reserve.

• 99% of sex career was solo; hard to orgasm while someone fogs glasses.
• Single; soulmate is a loser and needs to get out more.
• Friends say learn to talk to women; Hans counters women should learn to listen about Federal Reserve.

Hans performs jokes about mission trips for profile pictures, the difference between writing/performing in plays, genetic breeding of Black people during slavery, and white people giving superpowers to those who hate them.

• Mission trips are just Americans getting new profile pictures in third world
• If you write and perform play, that's just crazy person doing whatever
• White friend's slavery breeding theory backfired on white people

Hans performs observational comedy about speed limit signs, skateboarders expressing emotions, and using Asian name 'Ching Chong Bingbong' at Starbucks as a joke.

• Sign says 20 mph when children present; how fast if children dwelling in past
• Skateboarders say they express emotions; has no need for skateboard to do so
• Tell Starbucks my name is Ching Chong Bingbong the third

Set about Fourth of July fireworks, the name Tanner, redneck survival skills, and Harley Davidson owners. Strong observational comedy with sharp social commentary.

• I feel like the scale and magnitude of fireworks captured by iPhone 6
• I think it's funny that Tanner is a white person's name
• Rednecks can survive in swamps but not where everyone has equal rights

Hans discusses having small eyes but a long face, jokes about Asian men and dick size, and describes himself as sapiosexual looking for intellectually stimulated women.

• Even if Asian men had small dicks, they wouldn't give up—they'd learn to use it like a sewing machine.
• Sapiosexual means looking for girlfriend intellectually stimulated by challenge of finding him attractive.

Hans Kim delivers clever observational jokes about vaccines, autism diagnosis in bars, coronavirus lab leak theory, and condom mishaps. His comedy is smart, well-structured, and showcases strong comedic timing.

• Only disease diagnosed in a bar is autism (unlike cancer diagnosis).
• Man takes off mask to cough, wrong way to prevent disease spread.
• Coronavirus lab leak is very Asian, taking work home from lab.

New Kill Tony regular delivers jokes about living in a van, dating challenges, and his Puerto Rican girlfriend who squirts. Covers Asian male fetishization and recent experiences with Black women.

• Living in a van makes dating hard because ladies love shelter.
• Puerto Rican girlfriend with squirt ability called 'squirter rican'

Political and cultural comedy about being Asian southerner from South Korea, shooting commies, K-pop, General Tso's chicken, Rush Hour 3, and Black Panther replacing historical figures.

• Only two things like: shooting commies and K-pop, real southerner credentials.
• Asian friends mock him for eating General Tso's chicken as Americanized version.
• Black Panther gave Black children hero instead of MLK, Malcolm X, Harriet Tubman, etc.

Hans opened with observational jokes about his appearance and dating, resting anime face, racism, and controversial takes on trans people and suicide.

• Resting anime face makes women attracted to him think he's anime
• Arabic man folding book corner was reassuring he has future plans
• Trans people allowed bathrooms but suicidal people make mess

Set about premature ejaculation, Asian stereotypes, and family treatment. Jokes about dating women and comparing Asian people to white people.

• Premature ejaculator joke about timing and self-pleasure maturity
• Asian women bragging about sexiness when they look the same as Asian men
• Dogs eaten in Asia vs family treatment, cultural difference joke

No set recap for this appearance.

No set recap for this appearance.

No set recap for this appearance.

No set recap for this appearance.

Material about carpool lanes promoting loneliness, and extended 3D printer joke comparing female anatomy to malfunctioning printer with nine-month print times.

• Carpool lanes make lonely people stay lonely, take long way home
• Vagina isn't 3D printer, room is, only prints one thing with errors, 9 months