KILL TONY Wiki

Kill Tony #574 — Joe Rogan, Shane Gillis, Mark Normand, Ari Shaffir

📅 August 29, 2022 📍 Austin, TX Vulcan Gas Company 🎤 13 comedians ⭐ 3 regulars

Guests: Joe Rogan · Shane Gillis · Mark Normand · Ari Shaffir

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Lineup

1

Hans Kim

Regular

Set: Hans opens with jokes about Biden's student loan forgiveness, yoga studios, and a recent yoga class where he met two beautiful ladies from Rhode Island.

Interview: Hans discusses his yoga practice, meeting Jenna and her mother Julie at a Kill Tony show, and his casual platonic hangouts with them. He brings them on stage where they do a chicken dance and get roasted by Tony.

Bits:
  • Biden forgave $10k student loans, $20k with Pell Grant, $30k if you let him sniff your hair.
  • Yoga studios make you bring your own mat like ice rinks making you bring ice.
Moments:
  • Hans brings Jenna and her mother Julie on stage, getting them to do a chicken dance impression.
2

Alex Baldam

3

Jack Horner

Set: Jack performs a high-energy set with country music singalong about death to infidels, jokes about being functionally illiterate, being a registered sex offender, and not supporting a transgender president.

Interview: Jack has cerebral palsy (self-described as 'cerebral palsy 12'), works at T-Mobile, has been skydiving, lived in Hungary as a kid, and has had sexual encounters with hookup apps.

Bits:
  • Song called 'Death to the Infidel' but can't read because functionally illiterate.
  • My stage name and legal name are the same, but also registered sex offender.
Moments:
  • Ari Shaffir asks Jack if he's thought about killing himself; Shane intervenes with supportive comment.
  • Tony books Jack on the secret show Thursday during interview.
4

Molly Vivent

Set: Molly performs her signature extended joke comparing porn star work to office jobs using spreadsheets/spread cheeks, workman's comp/cum, PTO/PTSD, HR/herpes response, conference calls/choking on balls, 401k/fornicate for 1k.

Interview: Molly discusses recent interracial porn shoot in Miami, working with ovarian cysts, period work workarounds using makeup sponges, her father's disapproval, opening for Big Jay Oakerson and Jeff Ross, and harassment from homeless women in Austin.

Bits:
  • You do spreadsheets, I do spread cheeks; you get PTO, I have PTSD.
  • Porn fans who like interracial videos harass her about race authenticity and darkness.
Moments:
  • Molly reveals tits have gotten bigger from disabled guys; panel roasts her for using PTSD comparison.
  • Shane tells Molly to go home and take a nap; she asks if he'll be her daddy.
5

David Lucas

Regular

Set: David performs about moving to hot Austin from LA, avoiding robbery by gay men in West Hollywood, gym flirting with gay guys, and roasts all four panelists with detailed physical comparisons.

Interview: David just moved to Austin two weeks ago, loves fishing and the food scene. He extensively roasts Joe Rogan, Shane Gillis, Mark Normand, and Ari Shaffir with specific jokes about their appearances and personalities.

Bits:
  • Gay men robbing him in LA wearing Lululemon with visible dick prints.
  • Flirting with gym guys in West Hollywood, getting hit on in parking lot.
Moments:
  • David roasts all four panelists: Joe looks like animal balloon, Shane has limp, Mark like vampire, Ari like drill sergeant.
  • Joe Rogan intervenes when David makes sexual advances jokes; David responds with fishing/boat tip jokes.
6

Bak

Set: Bak speaks in what sounds like French, then pivots to jokes about not being black, missing the boat on slavery, and getting white people to work for him.

Interview: Bak clarifies his name pronunciation, reveals he works in software, dances hip-hop, and has been doing stand-up for about three years.

Bits:
  • I didn't miss the boat, but you know who didn't miss it? Black people.
Moments:
  • Bak attempts hip-hop dance on stage, panel surprised he can dance.
  • Red Band calls out Bak's dance as 'subpar'; Bak challenges him to dance battle.
7

Will Williams

Set: Will does short set about Siri saying n-word better than 'Guadalupe' and trusting AI after it gave wrong info about Niger.

Interview: Will has been doing stand-up for two and a half years, is sweating from nerves, works in reality capture using lasers to make digital building models.

Bits:
  • Siri can say nigga but not Guadalupe, questions AI priorities.
  • Asked AI about Niger, it pronounced it as slur incorrectly.
Moments:
  • Joe Rogan suddenly appears as fourth panelist mid-interview, shocking everyone.
8

Winston Shaw

Set: Winston talks about watching rapper interviews, wanting Jesus to speak like rappers crip-walking on water and turning water into lean.

Interview: Winston has been doing comedy for two and a half years, broke his finger playing basketball with Hans Kim, drives Uber in a Volkswagen Passat, had recent hookup involving Molly drug use, no ejaculation.

Bits:
  • Jesus as rapper: crip walking on water, turning water into lean, wearing self-chain.
Moments:
  • Tony books Winston on secret show Thursday during interview.
  • Panel roasts Winston's extremely small lips, comparing to glory hole.
9

Mike Stag

10

Chep Rowam

11

Ben Albert

Set: Ben from Canada does jokes about chlamydia being like flu in small towns, getting it multiple times, doctor loyalty rewards, and coke heads asking if he wants to fly.

Interview: Ben is from seven hours north of Toronto, 26 years old, was in Austin for a month, is double vaxxed with no side effects, works as steel worker and real estate agent.

Bits:
  • In small town, chlamydia comes yearly like flu, some get it twice, Ben's got it multiple times.
  • Doctor says two more appointments for free coffee; hate being around coke heads asking to fly.
Moments:
  • Panel roasts Ben's vague Canada location; Ben keeps saying seven hours north of Toronto.
12

Monica Parsiac

Set: Monica does short set about three types of girls (dairy, almond, oat milk all not straight), her DMs being retarded or gay since last appearance, Austin being autistic, and her joke book joke.

Interview: Monica moved to Dallas two weeks ago from Dallas (moved to Austin), works as restaurant host/daytime door guy, been doing comedy nine months, dates 'short kings', ended up at open mics in driveways without phone data.

Bits:
  • Three types of girls: dairy, almond, oat—none are straight.
  • DMs since last appearance: either retarded or very gay spectrum.
Moments:
  • Monica attempts karaoke singing 'Crazy' by Patsy Cline; panel criticizes her performance, says she killed karaoke last time.