Kill Tony #575 — Ron White, Brian Simpson, Ryan Long
Guests: Ron White · Brian Simpson · Ryan Long
Lineup
Set: Hans discusses his attraction to women, skinny hands for fingering, difficulty dating, and basketball analogies. He references being half South Korean, half autistic.
Interview: Hans talks about living with Brian Simpson, arguing about fried chicken, recent sexual encounter in San Antonio, and a bug incident during the taping.
- Women don't want thigh gaps; he has skinny hands to finger from any angle.
- Girls never admit they're on dates with him; compares to asking basketball player if he wants to play basketball.
- A large bug lands on Hans's back during his interview segment; Tony catches it with his hand.
Set: David's first-time performance about being diagnosed with 'Perfect Nipple Syndrome.' The set is built around a fake medical diagnosis and showing his nipples to the audience.
Interview: Tony discovers the jokes were fabricated and questions David's creative process. David reveals personal struggles including a rough childhood, car problems, and dehydration. Ron White critiques the set harshly.
- Diagnosed with Perfect Nipple Syndrome; people look at his nipples instead of his eyes.
- Doesn't show his nipples for free; directs people to his OnlyFans.
- David shows his nipples to the audience and panel as part of his set.
- Ron White critiques the set harshly, calling the performance painful and comparing it to drinking warm sperm.
Tre Pack
Set: Tre discusses homelessness in Austin, comparing his Tennessee hometown to Austin. Makes joke about 'the plural for homeless is veterans' and abortion joke about delivery.
Interview: Discussion of his work at venue, previous weight loss challenge, cocaine use, drug habits, sexual encounters, and his mother's body type.
- Moved from Tennessee where there are no homeless; 'plural for homeless is veterans.'
- Abortion jokes aren't funny because with abortions there is no delivery.
- Tre removes his shirt to reveal his torso, getting audience approval.
Bo Scott
Set: Bo tells an old joke (from 2013) about his redneck grandmother, her dog Mandy killing a rabbit named Anthony Hopkins, washing it, and putting it back in cage.
Interview: Reveals this is his first time on stage in four years. Tony discovers Bo has been doing comedy for over a decade, contradicting his earlier presentation. Discussion of his hat and his wife's opinion of it.
- Redneck grandma's dog kills prize rabbit; she washes it and puts it back.
- Tony and panel (Ron White, Brian Simpson) reveal they know Bo from San Diego 12 years ago, establishing he's been doing comedy much longer than he claimed.
- Bo is eventually told to get off stage and banned for poor performance.
Set: David performs new minute about his Google search history, wanting to adopt a white baby to teach him the n-word, and carries black babies like Gucci handbags.
Interview: Tony praises David's strong performance. Discussion of monkey pox, diabetic foot jokes, and playful roasting between David, Brian Simpson, and Ryan Long.
- Wants to adopt white baby to teach him n-word; white people carry black babies like Gucci handbags.
- David engages in extended playful roasting with Ryan Long about Canadian identity and Lupe Fiasco.
- David gets into sports betting discussion with Tony about UT football and Alabama, displaying Southern football passion.
Set: Charlie's set consists of bizarre questions: mother walking in on flashlight sex, running into bus while distracted by ambulance, and Googling 'fetus nipple clamps.'
Interview: Charlie discusses arrests (larceny, fighting, burglary), unemployment, construction work in NYC, recent move to Austin, and his hobby of hiking/fishing. He later raps on stage.
- Questions if anyone's mother walked in while practicing oral sex on flashlight.
- Asked if anyone ran into bus while distracted by ambulance.
- Charlie performs an impromptu rap freestyle on stage after being prompted.
- Danny Brown (guest) performs rap on stage following Charlie's performance, significantly outclassing him.
Riley Olana
- Riley's name is called but he does not perform; another comedian (Robert) goes up instead.
Set: Robert tells surreal story about being bitten by snake, catching it, meeting people who help him, and filling bathtub with water where snake gives birth to 15 babies.
Interview: Robert is from Windsor, Canada, works as electrical contractor and self-declared 'world champion handyman.' Discusses traveling in motorhome, appeared on America's Got Talent, and has a 26-year-old son.
- Bitten by snake; caught it; met people on way home; snake gave birth in bathtub.
- Robert reveals he has a tiger on his head that he travels with; Ron White becomes concerned.
- Robert shows his America's Got Talent appearance on screen from his previous act.
Set: Kristie discusses desperation in dating (friend's 3-year-old calls her 'Taxi'), wanting to give massages and be called 'Play-Doh,' confusion about her identity with two-colored hair (liberal or lesbian).
Interview: Kristie is a camera operator on the show, does stand-up 3 years on/off, streams on Twitch, moved from Dallas to Austin year ago. Discussion of smoking weed daily and dating unemployed men.
- So desperate friend's 3-year-old calls her 'Taxi' because she's easy to hail and get inside.
- People assume she's liberal or lesbian because of colored hair; actually likes guns and sex.
- David Lucas advises Kristie to lose the 'new white girl delivery' and speak more assertively.
Kiko
Set: Kiko discusses green scooters in Austin, acting like a grown man should have a car, Christianity, and George Carlin's influence.
Interview: Kiko works here at venue, has multiple shows. Discusses botched gallbladder removal leaving visible scar on abdomen. Performs guitar/singing during interview.
- Green scooters in Austin ridiculous; as grown man with car, shouldn't scoot.
- Still being Christian is like following George Carlin on TikTok; neither wants you there.
- Kiko shows his unusual abdominal scar and vagina from botched gallbladder removal; panel reacts with shock.
- Kiko performs guitar solo and singing, demonstrating musical talent during interview.
Set: William performs jokes about Brittany Greiner's Russian prison sentence, Biden's student loan forgiveness, robbing Kmart for medical school, fiber optic internet, and Gustavo Arnold's death.
Interview: William recently got sober and lost significant weight. Discusses setting up Etsy shop selling 2000 Aphex Twin shirts (mistake), hasn't peed in 3 days, wants Tony to take him to hospital.
- Brittany Greiner had to go to Russia for 9-year sentence from man.
- Robbed Kmart parking lot for medical school instead of using loans.
- Hooked dick up to fiber optic internet; came in seconds.
- William mentions he's been high with Danny Brown before performing; very agitated on stage.
- William performs a wink to the audience multiple times during interview.
Interview: Ron is guest on the show. Provides commentary and roasts of bucket pull performers throughout episode.
- Ron critiques David Rios's set, comparing it to drinking warm sperm.
Interview: Brian is new resident of Austin; provides roasts and commentary throughout episode. Lives with Hans Kim.
- Brian reveals he booked Bo Scott 20 dollars that he never paid him.
Interview: Ryan is panel guest making first appearance on Kill Tony. Provides roasts of performers throughout episode. Known for video comedy content.
- Ryan trades roasts with David Lucas about Canadian identity and Lupe Fiasco.
Danny Brown
Set: Danny Brown performs impromptu rap freestyle following Charlie Trace's weak rap attempt, demonstrating superior skills and flow.
Interview: Danny Brown confirms he lives in Austin Texas. Announced his new podcast 'The Danny Brown Show' on Your Mom's House networks.
- Rap freestyle with flow about buds, boys, and shooting targets.
- Danny Brown performs rap freestyle that significantly outclasses Charlie Trace's earlier attempt.