Ron White

Ron discusses California's beauty resulting from selective breeding of attractive movie stars, contrasting it with Kansas where ugly people allegedly stayed and interbred, creating 'ugly quitters.'

• California beautiful from selective breeding of movie stars' descendants
• Kansas settlers gave up on Oregon Trail, interbred poorly

Featured guest this episode.

Can't recognize gay people, bathroom encounter with gay man as teenager, advantages of being gay man with dick, ruining his own dick with sex toys, sewn snaps on lips to hold shoes.

• Couldn't tell if man at bar was gay, consulted Jim Norton
• Gas station bathroom let gay guy blow him, thought he seemed gay
• Being gay with dick perfect, would ruin his own with toys

Featured guest this episode.

Tells story about his dog Maddie and girlfriend's dog Sophie. Wife wanted to get Sophie groomed before breeding, but Ron forgot and shaved her instead, questioning if that's weird.

• Forgot to breed dogs, shaved Sophie instead of grooming her.

Ron tells a detailed story about having a stomach virus, feeling constipated, and then realizing he had actually shit his pants while wearing new Lululemon pants.

• Stomach virus, feeling bloated, old age slows shut-off valve.
• Shit pants straight down both legs in brand new Lululemon.

Featured guest this episode.

Sat on the panel this episode.

Featured guest this episode.

Featured guest this episode.

Featured guest this episode.

Featured guest this episode.

Featured guest this episode.

White performed a 5-minute guest set about DUIs, sobriety checkpoints, breathalyzers, field sobriety tests, and drunk driving. He positioned drunk driving as a test of actual skill rather than legal compliance.

• Alcohol smell on breath from '77, won't take breathalyzer test.
• Field sobriety test unfair; actually tests agility, not sobriety.
• Best drunk driving test is actual drunk driving skills display.

Sat on the panel this episode.

Featured guest this episode.