Kill Tony #501 — Ron White

Set: Set about COVID restrictions, chlamydia contracted twice, crude jokes about sexual encounters and a lunch lady, mustache hiding cocaine residue. Self-deprecating humor about military service and current job at HEB.

Interview: Discussed 10 years in Army, personal shopper at HEB, history of chlamydia infections, paranoia about STDs from father showing pictures, drug use, and mustache grooming.

Set: Set about punters with playbook wristbands, dog addicted to mushrooms paying cat for tricks, measuring relationships in 'dicks,' philosophical dog after mushroom use, skinny jeans compression causing 'rolling a nut.'

Interview: Only 3 weeks into comedy, bombed at open mic being heckled by drunk girl, has 6 dogs and 3 cats with cerebral hypoplasia, works as dog groomer, got bitten on face by dog at work.

Set: Set about lips matching genital color, white people culture, zodiac dog astrology, winking butthole strippers, butthole farting on mirror, skinny jean nut compression, and water bill/beat children observations while stoned.

Interview: Lead guitarist in The Briars blues band, 2 years stand-up, lives with girlfriend and her 3 kids (7, 11, 15), network analyst managing digital signs, revealed wife cheated with 30+ people including 33 while stationed in Japan.

Set: Set about strap-on users not being lesbians, lesbian/vegan parallels, women on dating apps twerking but claiming 'no hookups,' wanting candlelit romance after showing ass. Tight 60-second professional set with real jokes.

Interview: LA comedian spending 2 weeks/month in Austin now, getting apartment in Austin by May, born/raised in all-black neighborhood, stays close to roots, discusses online dating and premium memberships, barbecue spots.

Set: Set about being mistaken for man (blames Corey Haim from 80s), moved to Austin 4 months ago, only 40 minutes stage time, cheated on bucket submission by making paper taller, expects name drawn.

Interview: Only 40 minutes stage time since March, unemployed, worked for Burning Man, uses weed/mushrooms/LSD/cocaine/comedy, likes wandering outside, proposed to 7 times (year 3 pattern), dated former meth addicts and 'low lives,' voice dissociative from coffee.

Set: Set was primarily beatboxing performance/rap beat production rather than traditional stand-up comedy. 23-year-old door guy at Antone's surprising audience with advanced beatboxing skills from 10 years practice.

Interview: Beatboxer since age 13, professional since 16, performs weekends, girlfriend Bailey at home, does ping pong for fun, met girlfriend at South by (2 years ago), she works for Apple doing French Canadian tech support.

Set: Set about self-shaming at gym looking in mirror with 'midi' (man titty), discovering chest/back/arms tight post-workout but second mirror swipe revealed midis with hair, existential moment about body image.

Interview: Golden Ticket winner (7 total ever), from Iowa, spent week in Austin, made guest Donnell Rawlings leave show last week by roasting him back aggressively, witnessed Danny Brown altercation Thursday, got Chinese takeout joke comment.

Set: Set about 2020 as war on hope, voting like choosing glory hole (left/right/independent), Biden presidency disappointment, Trump as deserved president because 'we suck,' history written by winners now write memes.

Interview: Back from previous week, 607 days sober from alcohol, attends AA meetings daily, escaped New York on election day, travels doing comedy, stays focused on present/future gratitude, mentions lost friends in NYC dealing with lockdowns.

Set: Set about looking like Shaggy/Velma hybrid, smoking weed competitively/at high level, productive only when high (finding weed when not smoking is counterproductive), stressful job 'rhymes with human trafficking,' parents said dog went to farm (actually crashed 757 in 9/11).

Interview: Married 2.5 years, works in recruiting/immigration helping people get visas, met wife from Colombia with briefcase, rock climbs, fears cancer (hypochondriac), drinks whiskey, moved to Austin August from Bay Area (lived there since 2011), offers mushrooms at parties.

Set: Set about burying family dogs in rental property backyards, leaving trail of dead pets (dogs, fish, turtle, Boston terrier) across homes, archaeologist future discovery, Lone Star 2.2% beer, stoned observations about step-kids being beat 'twice as long,' water bills.

Interview: 3 years stand-up, last appearance year ago in Dallas, told to break up with girlfriend, wrote Amber Alert bit about old cars/old vets with Asian women, girlfriend considered 8/10 rating offensive.