Kill Tony #515 — Shane Gillis
Guests: Shane Gillis
Lineup
Set: Michael opens with jokes about disability, Paralympics, and his ALS diagnosis. Threatens other comedians in the bucket while boasting about his superiority as a comedian.
Interview: Discussion of his disease, comparison to Conor McGregor, and how he's been doing stand-up despite his condition. Tony and Shane discuss the length of his jokes.
- Jokes about being deaf not being a real disability compared to gout
- His disease restored his youth by making masturbation impossible, now fucks couch cushions
- Threatens comedians in the bucket, asserts dominance
- Michael throws a handball backwards off the stage
- Tony jokes about Michael being the only regular who doesn't get the kitten sound at time-up
Set: Andrew jokes about his high voice attracting dogs, being gay without sex for 31 years, and his sister's looks. Makes self-deprecating observations about his appearance.
Interview: Discussion of his appearance, ethnicity (half Mexican), employment history at military base, and personal interests including piano and sign language.
- Voice so high it causes dogs to lose their minds two miles away
- Being gay without sex for 31 of 34 years implies molestation
- Sister is pretty, implying parentage questions about his looks
- Tony compares Andrew to Gollum from Lord of the Rings, then revises to Joe Rogan with AIDS
- Andrew reveals he worked at school for the deaf, creating tension given earlier deaf jokes
Set: Isabella, a British comedian, jokes about Trump's hypothetical heroism, difficulty choosing political sides, having no feelings, and preferences for Asian men. Self-aware about appearing younger than her age.
Interview: Discussed her background in Hong Kong, return to Austin after pandemic, legal career at 23, Barton Springs Pool, and attraction to Asian men.
- Trump's hypothetical heroism at school shooting unique among world leaders
- Secret to looking great in thirties: having no feelings
- Father would date her if not his daughter—better than Trump's comment
- Isabella claims she's not Asian despite being half-Asian
- Reveals she was a lawyer at 23 in England doing undergraduate law degree
Set: Jack jokes about measurements, Subway sandwich sizes, and observations about inches versus feet. Repetitive bit focused on numerical measurements for food.
Interview: Discussed previous appearance where he made Tony kiss a stripper (got him sick), recent sexual encounter without condom, physical training job at country club, and acid trip on water.
- Asking people how big an inch is reveals they don't understand measurements
- Four-inch sub would satisfy anyone, foot-long is too much
- Jack admits to having unprotected sex with a girl from friend of a friend
- Reveals father is MLB umpire, gets called NXIVM cult leader
Set: Hans performs observational comedy about speed limit signs, skateboarders expressing emotions, and using Asian name 'Ching Chong Bingbong' at Starbucks as a joke.
Interview: Discussion of how Hans got his name (parents avoiding Asian names), recent partying with band members, psychedelic drug use, Catan board game nights, and his interactions with Austin comedy girls.
- Sign says 20 mph when children present; how fast if children dwelling in past
- Skateboarders say they express emotions; has no need for skateboard to do so
- Tell Starbucks my name is Ching Chong Bingbong the third
- Reveals parents named him Hans to avoid racism, uses whitest name possible
- Shane Gillis says Hans is his favorite comedian ever
Set: Gabriel jokes about being a dad and his daughters being too pretty, questions paternity based on his attractiveness, discusses his long hair and body, and makes scale-based rating jokes.
Interview: Gabriel discussed threesomes with wife and Hispanic woman, physical strength claims, revealed wife is watching episode live, work as stand-up comedian, and lifted a dwarf multiple times.
- Daughters too pretty, suspicious of their mother's genetic contribution
- On straight scale 6, on gay scale 14 if you have daddy issues
- Hair cascades over ass like Shetland pony
- Gabriel is measured at 6'2" on stage, Tony revealed to be 5'9.5"
- Gabriel lifts Cody (dwarf strip club manager) 9 times, David Lucas only manages 1
Set: Elizer performs offensive comedy about homeless people and Carl's Jr., defines 'twinkie' as homoerotic/homophobic term, discusses living in North Hollywood experiencing crystal meth fumes as public utility.
Interview: Revealed name means 'in court of God' (Hebrew), age 42, did time in jail for expunged crime, recently moved to Texas for project manager job at concrete company.
- Carl's Jr. $5 meal comes with certificate to lick homeless man's ass
- Twinkie is both homoerotic and homophobic—golden colored, cream filled gay man
- North Hollywood: crystal meth vaporizes into air as public utility fog
- Elizer reveals he was janitor at adult store with glory holes in North Hollywood
- Assaulted a methhead customer at the adult store, served 6 months of 1-year sentence at Wayside jail
- Shane reveals he was in a movie shot at that same adult store location
Set: David jokes about growing up with anxiety caused by mother saying she wished she didn't have kids, wanting white family and playing football, envying Blindside family life.
Interview: David discusses his hometown Mechanicsburg Pennsylvania, recent arm wrestling with Gabriel, lifting Cody, comparisons to various people (Navy Seal, Larry Bird, rotisserie chicken), and managing weight.
- Mom said she wished she didn't have kids; wished he was born to white family
- Blindside should have been his story, could have played football
- Envying white family life with casseroles and thinking about broken skateboards
- David attempts arm wrestling with Gabriel Kerr, loses badly
- Cody is lighter than expected; David mistakenly thinks he weighs more than Tony
- David lifts Tony Hinchcliffe off ground successfully after struggling with Gabriel
Set: Amy, 61, discusses being same age as Barbie (1959), her vagina as favorite body part, doing 13 years prison for $20 rock of crack, gratitude for government paying rent.
Interview: Discussed her 13-year prison sentence (1992-2005), missing pop culture while incarcerated, watching Jay Leno nightly on headphones, using Hollywood Video after release, and current Adderall/marijuana use.
- Born 1959 like Barbie, but unlike Barbie has vagina as favorite body part
- Did 13 years in prison for $20 rock of crack while Anne Richards was governor
- Listened to Jay Leno every night in prison, thought she'd get on his show
- Tony compares her to mother from Requiem for a Dream multiple times
- Amy emerges from prison in 2005, discovers movies and pop culture via Hollywood Video