Michael Lehrer
Michael Lehrer has performed on Kill Tony 102 times. Every appearance below, with set summaries and timestamps.
Appearances
No set recap for this appearance.
Michael performs over 3 minutes of material on assisted suicide attempt, chatty Uber driver, nursing care in Portland, and dignified death reflections.
- Chatty Uber driver after failed suicide attempt asks if working tomorrow
- Black nurses haven't heard of Joe Rogan vs Chadwick Boseman
Video montage of Michael's previous Kill Tony appearances showing his evolution as a comedian in a wheelchair, roasting with brutal honesty, and building trust with the community.
- Where did the ice cream money go (lost ice cream shop profits reference)
No set recap for this appearance.
Michael Lehrer returns as a legendary regular with ALS/Lou Gehrig's disease. He discusses being disabled, Jewish heritage, and confronting hate speech protesters in downtown Austin from his wheelchair.
- Got ALS which slowed him down, making comedy easier since he talks slowly
- Cops don't know what to do when wheelchair user tells them to fuck off
- Interrupts hate speech protesters in downtown Austin asking for dollar change
No set recap for this appearance.
Dark observational comedy about Ukraine war and soldiers partying. Followed by extensive improv segment where Michael comes up with bad advertising slogans for brand names audience suggests.
- Froot Loops: love cereal and your [ __ ]
- Pixar: you're 45-minute virgin who loves animation
Gold medalist improv comedian doing improvised comedy about abortion bans, gay education laws, and Joe Rogan moving back to Hollywood. Introduced as legendary improv olympiad coach and storyteller.
- If you outlaw gay in school, Joe Rogan will move back to Hollywood.
No set recap for this appearance.
Michael performs a unique set where he sings his jokes due to a degenerative disease affecting his speech, discussing his vocal exercises and health condition.
- Can only sing from now on because vocal exercises make him rename tone
Political comedy about Thanksgiving, cultural appropriation, Native Americans, Biden pardoning turkeys, and white privilege with dark absurdist humor.
- Thanksgiving birds with feathers trying to be Indians
- All Americans are the same color burner with different cocoa amounts
No set recap for this appearance.
Michael performs improvised material after being surprised by Tony. Uses audience suggestions (Alec Baldwin, Gregory Glenn Ross) to create spontaneous jokes about lawyers, brothers, and relationships.
- Gregory Glenn Ross 'always be closing' reference in spontaneous set.
No set recap for this appearance.
Discusses microphone setup failures, relationship challenges, girlfriend cheating with Black men, critical race theory in schools, Broadway, Hamilton cast deaths.
- Everything is against him: heatwave, restraining orders, microphone cables, ALS disease.
- Girlfriend only cheating with Black men, suggesting making America great again through her choices.
- Keep Broadway open so cast of Hamilton dies from COVID.
Michael performs as 'Injured Dice Clay', Andrew Dice Clay's accident-prone brother, doing nursery rhyme jokes with dark punchlines about vaccines and blindness.
- Three Blind Mice participated in J&J vaccine clinical trials; blindness was a side effect.
- He's on waiting list for six organs; has to use artificial intelligence to control his crostic.
Michael performs a new minute covering donating antibodies at clinics, Bill Cosby being released from jail, and observations about the Olympics. He receives extra time from Tony and the panel.
- Donated antibodies at clinic where machine is actually guy named Machine
- Bill Cosby released from jail, sleep is best medicine joke
- Olympics observation about hurdles and portals sounding racist
Michael opens with jokes about disability, Paralympics, and his ALS diagnosis. Threatens other comedians in the bucket while boasting about his superiority as a comedian.
- Jokes about being deaf not being a real disability compared to gout
- His disease restored his youth by making masturbation impossible, now fucks couch cushions
- Threatens comedians in the bucket, asserts dominance
Jokes about equality founding principle, shit being excellent, transgender athletes/Miss America, Olympic athletes needing small breasts, restaurant chains with large breasted women. Edgy observational comedy.
- All people created equal, but some are servants/waitresses not friends
- Shit he took was so good he sent it roses
- Female track athletes need determination, discipline, and itty bitty titties
No set recap for this appearance.
Michael Lehrer performs 3:50 of new material including controversial jokes about being mistaken for gay due to his appearance, having a 22-year-old son he didn't raise, Sonic commercials, and other sharp material. He has ALS and uses a wheelchair.
- People think he's gay because of how he dresses, confused by question.
- Sonic commercials now feature diverse brown/black people eating garbage food.
No set recap for this appearance.
Character-based nursery rhyme parody set as Injured Dice Clay performing dark comedy versions of classic children's stories with illness/medical themes.
- Humpty Dumpty with expired insurance, wife now for hire as prostitute.
- Jack and Jill with health complications preventing hill climb.
- Old lady in shoe uses political discourse to prevent relocation.
No set recap for this appearance.
No set recap for this appearance.
No set recap for this appearance.
No set recap for this appearance.
Regular with ALS diagnosis delivering strong minute about disability, medication mixing, wordplay on ladyboy humor.
- Disability medication and apple sauce mixing, punchline about eating pigs and snorti
No set recap for this appearance.
No set recap for this appearance.
No set recap for this appearance.
No set recap for this appearance.
No set recap for this appearance.
No set recap for this appearance.
No set recap for this appearance.
No set recap for this appearance.
Material about being disabled, Dan Marino and Super Bowl comparison, refusing to go to beach, friend offering beach visit, duct taping self to boogie board, and partial standing ovation in Miami.
- Me and Dan Marino same Super Bowl loss record from Miami
- Won't go to beach - duct tape me to boogie board for misery
Regular comic with ALS who delivers a new minute every week. Jokes about alcoholic sunrise medicinal bills, dementia, 9/11 jokes, and Rainey Street's gentrification. Strong comedic chops throughout.
- Doctor said I'm alcoholic; I drink sunrise medicinal medical bills.
- Every ramp on Rainey Street has a step at the end.
No set recap for this appearance.
No set recap for this appearance.
No set recap for this appearance.
Michael performed a musical theater challenge where Tony pulled musicals from a bag and Michael sang songs from each one. He demonstrated impressive knowledge of Broadway productions while making comedic commentary.
- Found his own merch at Goodwill and bought it back from himself
Michael performed an elaborate interactive set from inside a cardboard tank costume, improvising movie references while maintaining the tank character. He discussed building the prop in one and a half days and engaged the audience with repeated movie title suggestions.
- Tank-based riff on Forrest Gump: 'Life is like a fleet of tanks'
- Goodfellas callback: 'Am I a tanky guy'
- Schindler's List: 'Every tank on this list will not be turned into scrap metal'
Michael discussed how women have been responsible for good things in his life despite his infidelity and lying, how crippling has helped his dating prospects by keeping him stationary, and using Kill Tony as a dating app.
- Women responsible for wonderful things; I'm an asshole but they find better men.
- Being crippled helps dating; I stay in one spot, retain handsomeness.
Michael requested to skip his minute and talk about needing internet mistresses before his operation. Band played smooth music as he did a spoken-word personal ad about his disability, wheelchair, abilities, and dating preferences.
- Both him and wheelchair fold comfortably in car trunk
- Can survive off cliff bars and blowjobs, plays poker 18 hours
- Only dates high school girls who were held back and became pornographers at 18
Michael delivered material about his body deteriorating, being in relationships with women who inspired him, and wanting to be the funniest, a world champion poker player, and a sexy disabled sex symbol.
- Women responsible for everything wonderful but I've always been national treasure
- My four life goals are be funniest, world champion poker, have son, be disabled sex symbol
Michael, now in character as 'Steve Martian,' performs about trading sex for woodworking, his disability affecting his life, racist past, and current struggles with drugs and relationships. Dark material about becoming disabled.
- Traded fucking for woodworking; girlfriend not happy with table-building.
- 90% of life is scary; hands get stuck between drywall like Free Solo documentary.
- Was able-bodied and racist, now disabled and understands Puerto Ricans' struggles.
Michael performs a set about disability, rejecting inspiration narratives, claiming he's an alcoholic/drug addict, and asserting his identity beyond disability or inspiration.
- Being fat doesn't make you disabled; he's an alcoholic drug addict, not inspiration.
- Disabled men can still have relationships with women faster than his wheelchair moves.
Michael performed pre-recorded set from Wyoming about restaurant managers doing cocaine, growing up in Queens as 'white Mike,' interest in LA rap, favorite song having N-word, breathing/chiropractors, and Armenian birthday parties.
- Matthew Perry has nothing on CPK Burbank manager's cocaine habit.
- Favorite song has N-word in title but can't say title.
- 90% of life problems caused by bad breathing, chiropractors right.
Michael performed a brief pre-recorded set that was sent in from Wyoming, consisting of minimal dialogue and mostly music and applause.
Material about anger problems stemming from customer service, taking revenge by paying in coins/change, and distributing exact change to frustrated customers.
- Anger comes from customer service; gets even by paying in change.
- If someone wants two cents, he gives them 92 cents in exact change.
Performed as 'Vape Thing Future Truth Teller' character in mustache. Stream-of-consciousness future predictions: Trump sharts on stage, Kanye in Wyoming, rainbow colors, North Korea honeymoon, Tupac, ketamine suicides, butts replacing chairs, Kim Kardashian butt baby.
- Trump sharts on stage; plunges in polls after farting/sharting
- Webster adds new words for gay; factory catches fire; future includes mayonnaise and black colors
Performed full theatrical adaptation of 'The Miracle Worker' with William Montgomery and Jack the Ripper, depicting Helen Keller story with dark humor, drug references, and anachronistic elements.
- Helen Keller adaptation with anabolic steroids, Kmart parking lot, Hyundai flipping
No set recap for this appearance.
No set recap for this appearance.
Absurdist doctor jokes, yoga commentary, Nickelodeon criticism, Fauci genetics joke; discussion of near-kidnapping and molestation attempt as child.
- Doctor says he has body of cello grandma double penetrated
- Yoga is stretching for people who can't make friends
- Fauci joke about finding gene that controls ugly
Michael discusses Disneyland calling employees 'cast members,' references to acting schools, and musical effect on children. Set includes observational comedy about Disney and cultural commentary.
- Easter Seals film festival rejection and commentary on the organization's name history from 1919.
- You can tell neighborhood quality by taco bell hot sauce access.
Michael performed a character act as 'Injured Dice Clay', parodying Andrew Dice Clay's nursery rhyme-based material while incorporating dark and edgy content about intoxication, brain damage, crime, disability, and political commentary.
- Little Boy Blue character with 2.8 breathalyzer and permanent brain damage
- Jack Be Nimble parody about showing off and stealing from intruder
- Various dark nursery rhyme parodies with political and disability-related commentary
Dark material about being disabled: sitting on balls for prolonged periods, catching penis in zippers, burning genitals, bodily autonomy jokes. High-energy aggressive delivery.
- Disabled can't move quickly off balls, stuck like Game of Thrones
- Caught penis in zipper, burned it with cigarettes for money
Michael performs an extended character comedy bit about cologne as 'Most Cologne,' rapping and singing about how cologne precedes him, with multiple cologne brand references and absurdist humor.
- Before you see me you smell me; can smell from space; Paco Rabanne reference.
- Jeffrey Epstein references cologne smell; cologne smells like teen spirit from 70s.
- Can't afford food always hungry but look good; spends money on cologne instead.
No set recap for this appearance.
No set recap for this appearance.
No set recap for this appearance.
No set recap for this appearance.
Michael opened with commentary on transgender representation in Sports Illustrated and contemporary social trends, including material about his ALS diagnosis, Gold Bond powder, and generational differences in sexual practices.
- Halle Berry turned down transgender role; other actress won Oscar
- Gold Bond powder on testicles created dough-like consistency
- This generation has more passion for anal sex than his
Michael discusses drawing, Roombas giving him herpes, his body made of Legos, inability to be canceled, calling Navy SEAL Team 6 to take a shit, and commentary on white women and social justice.
- Roomba vacuum cleaner gave him herpes by sucking off bathroom floor
- Body made of Legos and has to call Navy SEAL Team 6 to take a shit
No set recap for this appearance.
No set recap for this appearance.
Lehrer performed a unique, longer-form set with poetic language about gravity feeling like a stereo speaker turning up, and unusual observations.
- Gravity feels like being on a stereo speaker turned up slowly
Michael does quick set about disabled people taking up room, wineries, and Nazis, then mostly interviews and crowd interaction.
- Disabled people at winery; makes joke about Nazis drinking wine.
Michael jokes about wheelchair accessibility, talking about women's asses at sporting events, Magic Johnson analogy, sneakers as heavy socks, and special meal orders.
- Being in wheelchair puts him on sideline watching women's asses
- Magic Johnson and not walking comparison about smart decisions
Michael (regular, ALS) jokes about bus ramp delays, disability rights but limits, doctors wasting medical school money, grandmas with Google diagnosing him.
- bus transforms into ramp, delays everyone's day by 30 minutes
- doctors waste med school on condition grandmas Google can diagnose
Disabled comedian in wheelchair discussing coming during doctor visits, nurses needing new Crocs, frequent ejaculation in medical settings.
- Comes during doctor visits; nurses need new Crocs.
Comic with ALS/Lou Gehrig's disease doing dark material about assisted suicide, lost motor control, inability to use condoms, dating challenges, and fighting while in wheelchair.
- Wish to be suffocated by walls, lost journey in hands.
- Can't put condom on with lost hand control, old-fashioned guy.
- Won't let wheelchair beat him, going to be king and reason.
Set about recently diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's disease (ALS), muscle cramps, dating difficulties, life being a nightmare, physical comedy despite condition.
- Has ALS/Lou Gehrig's disease, jokes about muscle cramps and medical situation
- Dating is hard, girlfriend could leave him in the desert while he melts
11-week-old regular with ALS/Lou Gehrig's disease. Dark humor about disability, calling himself retarded, and mocking his condition. Recently diagnosed, doing comedy for 6 months. Second City/improv veteran.
- Devil slowed his speech, not sick; calls himself retardant
- ALS is mostly friends and family suffering while he watches
Michael performs a surreal set mixing Eurasian identity, voodoo curses, Bigfoot blood, and requests help from Joe Rogan. Uses creative wordplay and absurdist humor about his circumstances.
- Eurasian identity, voodoo curse in New Orleans, needs Bigfoot blood to reverse it.
- Clothes are breathable but he won't be in a couple years due to ALS.
Michael discusses developing a Bang Bus-style porn for disabled people, making jokes about his Lou Gehrig's disease diagnosis, using dark humor about sharing needles and unpredictable forks.
- Developing porn for disabled people, Bang Bus-style with accessible vehicle straps.
- Lou Gehrig's disease creates unpredictable body movements; opens him to disease transmission.
Michael's wheelchair-accessible set about getting a new battery, hating people who can walk, not wanting to be inspiration but getting attention for it.
- Got new battery for wheelchair, all it does is swallow pain
- Hates people who can walk, pray for them to break something
- Everyone says he's inspirational, just wants attention for being inspiration
Michael performs material about his diagnosis and limitations, opening with a crude joke that gets censored, discussing his inability to engage in certain activities and needing help from an orderly.
- Lou Gehrig's disease prevents him from normal activities.
- Can't engage sexually, needs orderly assistance.
Michael performed a set about traveling by plane, seeing women in yoga pants, traveling with his nurse/girlfriend, references to his disease and wheelchair, and sexual material.
- Traveling comedian sees women in yoga pants, disease gives him coffin chocolate
- Girlfriend must open her mouth for him to get blunted, Mine Hunter nickname
Dark jokes about wanting to be Black, lost white privilege (wheelchair-bound with ALS), jokes about disabled women fighting, motor neuron disease enabling violence. Provocative material about race and disability.
- Wannabe Black guy; if race war happens don't make him hide with white people
- Lost white privilege when legs became wheels; finally mining mansion
- Never hit woman but if playing field even with motor neuron disease, will fight
Michael performs brand new minute on Paleo diet, neurologist reactions, crack cocaine desires, and ALS disease affecting walking/talking abilities. Extremely edgy dark humor throughout.
- Neurologist would blow his brains out from crazy advice.
- ALS steals walking/talking ability but not confidence.
Michael jokes about being angry at old people doing extreme sports, whispering to huggers that he's contagious, and dragging ex-girlfriends online to prove he did them a favor being an asshole.
- Mad at old people jumping out of planes like they're special
- Drags ex-girlfriends online to prove he did them a favor
Michael performed tight, dark jokes about ALS, getting disability checks, Netflix, and questioning where AIDS fundraiser money goes, claiming he'd be better off with AIDS.
- Being disabled is great; you get checks, Netflix, and house calls.
- AIDS charities raise billions but he'd be better off with AIDS.
No set recap for this appearance.
Michael performed rapid-fire topical jokes about Brooks Brothers suits, Taylor Swift, Washington Redskins name change, and made dark references to racism and fear. The set had a Weekend Update/SNL style with political commentary.
- Brooks Brothers: buy one suit get three free sarcasm
- Taylor Swift album called 'Four-Part Harmony of the Queef'
- Washington Redskins renamed team, racism explained through fear
Michael performs with pages full of jokes covering disabled hot takes, Texas opening, corona spikes, mask mandates, Black Lives Matter, Taco Bell being canceled, and systematic issues.
- Every time someone does goofy wheelchair bit, gets tagged by friends
- Texas opening early means corona spiked but Texans don't care about transmission
- Systematically addressing sperm formation as priority over prison and riots
Set discussing race politics, Porter vegans saying 'n-word', white women appropriating Black culture, and reparations.
- Why are Porter vegans allowed to say the n-word in professional settings
- Every white lady uploading pictures of African-Americans trying to amplify Black voices
- White ladies reason Trump got elected, now paradoxically amplifying Black voices online
Michael performed a video bit about finding cocaine at a party and making a PSI where he takes responsibility for all drugs he wants to do. The video showed him discovering and announcing a large bag of cocaine at a Hollywood party while encouraging others not to touch it.
- Found bag of cocaine at party, video PSA taking responsibility
Michael Lehrer had Tony and band members perform a scripted sketch about Mark Wahlberg saving America from 9/11 terrorists and discovering Osama bin Laden is his brother, with musical parodies and absurdist humor.
- Mark Wahlberg saves 9/11 plane and discovers Osama is his brother Donnie.
Lehrer does observational comedy about bikes, getting older, cancer jokes, wheelchairs allowing people to antagonize others, and credit card/gift card distinctions.
- Misses bicycle from childhood; doesn't want bigger bike as grown-up
- If in wheelchair, can antagonize people while they feel guilty about it
- Has $10k gift card limit but not $10k credit card limit
No set recap for this appearance.
Michael pitches a Curb Your Enthusiasm style pornography series called 'Cool Your Jets' featuring him as a disabled, angry character with full penetration scenes.
- Pitches pornography series mimicking Curb Your Enthusiasm with disabled protagonist.
- Scene: arguing with medical supply clerk about galoshes for wheelchair wheels.
Michael performs nursery rhyme parodies in injured Dice Clay character including references to Mary and lamb with downs, Mother Hubbard's pills, and Jack Horner unable to leave due to leg disability.
- Nursery rhyme parody: Mary had lamb with downs, strength of 100 men.
- Jack Horner sat in corner because legs don't work, spent money on twerking.
Set and reading excerpts from Second City's 60th anniversary book discussing his 10-year tenure and diversity issues.
- Improv is something wonderful right now, not tomorrow.
Michael does political jokes about Joe Biden's mental state, his wife Jill, and makes jokes about healthcare and campaign slogans as 'alphabet soup'.
- Joe Biden has dementia, only sentence is about nineteen culture
Sat on the panel this episode.
No set recap for this appearance.
No set recap for this appearance.
Lehrer did rapid-fire one-liners about organ donation, wanting to be buried as a waterway, and not using condoms. He transitioned into doing fake self-tape auditions for movies like 'This Is Us' and 'Prison Break,' performing wheelchair comedy bits.
- Wants to be a waterway instead of cremated for environmental consciousness.
- Self-tape audition for 'This Is Us' where everyone in the show is in a wheelchair.
No set recap for this appearance.