Kill Tony #557 — H Foley, Kevin Ryan
Guests: H Foley · Kevin Ryan
Lineup
Set: Set about attraction to women, evolutionary biology of male behavior, and relationship dynamics. Concludes with a joke about being turned on when hearing women tell someone to wash their hands at Subway.
Interview: Hans discusses recent trips to Fort Worth, a girlfriend he recently made squirt during makeup sex after a karaoke bar argument, and various sexual details including wearing a condom for oral sex.
- Body's reaction to beautiful women mimics stalking and sweating behavior.
- Skinny women preference joke escalating to ultimate attraction being nothing.
- Getting turned on hearing women tell someone to wash hands at Subway.
- Extended interview about first time making girlfriend squirt, including detailed discussion of the act and Tony's questioning of logistics.
- Hans reveals he wore a condom for oral sex, surprising the panel and prompting extended discussion about safe sex practices.
Set: Jokes about a serial killer targeting homeless people in New York, his own experience being homeless while crashing with friends, and using a woman for a bed rather than sex.
Interview: Phil discusses being a bartender and kayak guide, his upbringing in Utah with food stamps, parents' divorce at age five, and his worst bombing experience nine months into comedy.
- Serial killer in New York only targeting homeless people portrayed as positive.
- Claims he was 'indoor outdoor homeless' but trustworthy enough to stay in houses.
- Using woman for a bed rather than sex when homeless.
- Tony aggressively questions Phil's credibility about being homeless, scuba diving, and kayaking given his poor upbringing.
- Tony criticizes Phil's laugh as one of the dumbest he's ever heard, comparing it to special needs comedians.
Adam Baldy Briles
Joe Bird
Set: Set about wife's baby sticker, mother having theft charges dropped, panic attack confession to father who reacted with confusion, and implication father thought he was gay.
Interview: Joe has been to prison once and jail multiple times. Grew up in Texas projects, worked roofing, built gas turbines, did landscaping. Got into comedy through a one-handed man in Corpus Christi. Has three kids ages 13, 1, and 5 with two different mothers.
- Wife has 'ninja baby on board' sticker but just regular baby inside.
- Mother had theft charges dropped by district attorney, implying she likely guilty.
- Told father about panic attack, father thought he was coming out as gay.
- Joe mentions girlfriend went to college and suggests she was with Black men, leading to extensive discussion about racism and regional prejudices.
- Tony identifies Joe as having prison/jail background through 'prison skin' observation and detailed questioning of his record.
- Joe reveals three kids at ages 13, 1, and 5 with different mothers, creating awkward family timeline discussion.
Set: Special appearance by returning regular with debilitating disease performing set including jokes about first responders, wishing for robocop transformation, medical advice disclaimers, and nursery rhymes about clinical trials and the day vaccine.
Interview: Injured Dice Clay returned after six-month retirement due to illness. Tony and panel discuss his health improvements and acknowledge his legendary status on the show.
- First responders can 'suck my dick' opening statement modified by actual responder.
- Wishes to be RoboCop so he could attend comic cons and anime events.
- Three Blind Mice nursery rhyme about participating in clinical vaccine trials.
- Injured Dice Clay makes triumphant return after six-month absence due to debilitating disease, receives standing ovation.
Set: First-time performer discussing binge eating disorder resolved through oral sex, obsessive disorder with therapist suggesting in-person sessions, and cat weight loss competition with herself.
Interview: Natalie's first stand-up performance. Works as concierge manager at country club fitness facility. Came to the show because her boyfriend Jamie Jakes does comedy.
- Binge eating disorder cured by having a penis in mouth preventing eating.
- Therapist suggests moving Zoom sessions to in-person, implying inappropriate behavior.
- Cat lost more weight than her during weight loss competition.
- Natalie accidentally takes boyfriend Jamie Jakes' spot on Kill Tony, leading to surprise dual set and revealing relationship dynamics.
Set: Material about boobs being great because there are two, developing a boob-sharing app called Boober for renting breasts at $69/hour, and spin-off concepts like UberXL for larger breasts.
Interview: Jamie Jakes brought on stage after girlfriend Natalie's successful set. Discussed his relationship with Natalie, appearance and style, and sex life. Natalie reveals he has a big dick but doesn't know how to use it.
- Boobs are great because there are two of them, invention of Boober app.
- Boober app rents one boob for $69/hour with women working for tips.
- UberXL spin-off for large breasts called Chevy Subaru-bans by boob industry.
- Natalie reveals Jamie has a big dick but doesn't know how to use it, brutally critiquing her own boyfriend on stage.
- Tony criticizes Jamie's chiropractor look and creates joke about not letting him touch his feet.
Set: Material about flying without masks, certified pre-owned items, and abortion jokes comparing eating abortion to putting ear against seashell hearing vacuum cleaner sounds.
Interview: Regular Kill Tony performer who recently toured with Louis C.K., touring all around country, doing theater shows. Recently did wet t-shirt contest in Miami. Extensive roasting between Tony and David about appearance, hoodie, shirts, and dietary comments.
- Flying without masks felt like sex without condom after three years.
- Preference for 'certified pre-owned' items including women with abortion history.
- Abortion jokes about eating and hearing vacuum cleaner sounds like seashell.
- Extensive mutual roasting between Tony and David about Tony's clothing, Paris hoodie, hair, and appearance followed by David destroying Tony.
- David references Louis C.K. and makes sexual misconduct allusions, gets applause from crowd.
- David reveals both baby mothers were on birth control when they got pregnant, establishing pattern.
Set: Material about climate change complainers not masturbating enough, recycling as white segregation, junk drawer of batteries indicating happy mother, and dad's frustration with lucky charms cereal boxes.
Interview: Maggie is a voice-over actress who reads romance novels professionally for five years. Eight years stand-up experience started in Illinois near Chicago. Creates voices and reads graphic sexual romance novels.
- People complaining about climate change online don't masturbate enough.
- Recycling is white people's way to feel good about segregation.
- Dad's violent cereal box stomping indicates marriage unhappiness not anger.
- Maggie reads romance novel excerpt in sultry voice, crowd responds enthusiastically, red band immediately booked her for secret show.
- Tony suspects Maggie has suspicious death history, attempts to determine if she poisoned anyone or had dead boyfriends.
- Female heckler gets shut down by Tony while Maggie is performing, creating secondary crowd moment.
Set: Material about finishing grad school thesis on Hunter Biden's fertility, CNN Plus cancellation possibly due to n-word usage, Disney pushing gay/trans laws because Mickey Mouse is goofy.
Interview: William Montgomery, longest standing Kill Tony regular, just finished five packed shows at Miami improv. Recently got clean and sober from cocaine addiction. Has stabbed/robbed people with knives and claims to have accidentally severed someone's head.
- Grad thesis on Hunter Biden being so fertile he got Nick Cannon pregnant.
- CNN Plus cancellation possibly due to using n-word too much.
- Disney pushing gay/trans laws because Mickey Mouse has been goofy.
- William reveals extensive criminal history including knife robberies targeting mall shoppers, following woman for two weeks, and accidental decapitation.
- William performs elaborate winking bit with audience and red band, becoming increasingly frustrated with red band's inability to match timing.
- Tony questions William's refusal to get health insurance despite 20-year absence from coverage and physical pain.
- William refuses to discuss reasons for not having health insurance, shaking head yes while saying no, implying incriminating medical history.
H Foley
Interview: H Foley is co-host of the Ru Garbage Podcast with Kevin Ryan. This is his first appearance on Kill Tony. Known for having a Corvette that he recently traded in for a new model, having 80% of net worth tied up in vehicle.
- H Foley and Kevin Ryan introduced as hosts of Ru Garbage Podcast, Tony's favorite podcast that he regularly appears on.
Kevin Ryan
Interview: Kevin Ryan is co-host of the Ru Garbage Podcast with H Foley. This is his first appearance on Kill Tony. The podcast is one of Tony's favorites and he regularly appears on it.
- Kevin Ryan introduced alongside H Foley as co-host of Ru Garbage Podcast, Tony's favorite podcast.