Kill Tony #557 — H Foley, Kevin Ryan
Guests: H Foley · Kevin Ryan
Lineup
Set: Set about attraction to women, evolutionary biology of male behavior, and relationship dynamics. Concludes with a joke about being turned on when hearing women tell someone to wash their hands at Subway.
Interview: Hans discusses recent trips to Fort Worth, a girlfriend he recently made squirt during makeup sex after a karaoke bar argument, and various sexual details including wearing a condom for oral sex.
- Body's reaction to beautiful women mimics stalking and sweating behavior.
- Skinny women preference joke escalating to ultimate attraction being nothing.
- Getting turned on hearing women tell someone to wash hands at Subway.
- Extended interview about first time making girlfriend squirt, including detailed discussion of the act and Tony's questioning of logistics.
- Hans reveals he wore a condom for oral sex, surprising the panel and prompting extended discussion about safe sex practices.
Set: Jokes about a serial killer targeting homeless people in New York, his own experience being homeless while crashing with friends, and using a woman for a bed rather than sex.
Interview: Phil discusses being a bartender and kayak guide, his upbringing in Utah with food stamps, parents' divorce at age five, and his worst bombing experience nine months into comedy.
- Serial killer in New York only targeting homeless people portrayed as positive.
- Claims he was 'indoor outdoor homeless' but trustworthy enough to stay in houses.
- Using woman for a bed rather than sex when homeless.
- Tony aggressively questions Phil's credibility about being homeless, scuba diving, and kayaking given his poor upbringing.
- Tony criticizes Phil's laugh as one of the dumbest he's ever heard, comparing it to special needs comedians.
Adam Baldy Briles
Set: First-time performer discussing binge eating disorder resolved through oral sex, obsessive disorder with therapist suggesting in-person sessions, and cat weight loss competition with herself.
Interview: Natalie's first stand-up performance. Works as concierge manager at country club fitness facility. Came to the show because her boyfriend Jamie Jakes does comedy.
- Binge eating disorder cured by having a penis in mouth preventing eating.
- Therapist suggests moving Zoom sessions to in-person, implying inappropriate behavior.
- Cat lost more weight than her during weight loss competition.
- Natalie accidentally takes boyfriend Jamie Jakes' spot on Kill Tony, leading to surprise dual set and revealing relationship dynamics.
Set: Material about flying without masks, certified pre-owned items, and abortion jokes comparing eating abortion to putting ear against seashell hearing vacuum cleaner sounds.
Interview: Regular Kill Tony performer who recently toured with Louis C.K., touring all around country, doing theater shows. Recently did wet t-shirt contest in Miami. Extensive roasting between Tony and David about appearance, hoodie, shirts, and dietary comments.
- Flying without masks felt like sex without condom after three years.
- Preference for 'certified pre-owned' items including women with abortion history.
- Abortion jokes about eating and hearing vacuum cleaner sounds like seashell.
- Extensive mutual roasting between Tony and David about Tony's clothing, Paris hoodie, hair, and appearance followed by David destroying Tony.
- David references Louis C.K. and makes sexual misconduct allusions, gets applause from crowd.
- David reveals both baby mothers were on birth control when they got pregnant, establishing pattern.
Set: Material about climate change complainers not masturbating enough, recycling as white segregation, junk drawer of batteries indicating happy mother, and dad's frustration with lucky charms cereal boxes.
Interview: Maggie is a voice-over actress who reads romance novels professionally for five years. Eight years stand-up experience started in Illinois near Chicago. Creates voices and reads graphic sexual romance novels.
- People complaining about climate change online don't masturbate enough.
- Recycling is white people's way to feel good about segregation.
- Dad's violent cereal box stomping indicates marriage unhappiness not anger.
- Maggie reads romance novel excerpt in sultry voice, crowd responds enthusiastically, red band immediately booked her for secret show.
- Tony suspects Maggie has suspicious death history, attempts to determine if she poisoned anyone or had dead boyfriends.
- Female heckler gets shut down by Tony while Maggie is performing, creating secondary crowd moment.
Set: Material about finishing grad school thesis on Hunter Biden's fertility, CNN Plus cancellation possibly due to n-word usage, Disney pushing gay/trans laws because Mickey Mouse is goofy.
Interview: William Montgomery, longest standing Kill Tony regular, just finished five packed shows at Miami improv. Recently got clean and sober from cocaine addiction. Has stabbed/robbed people with knives and claims to have accidentally severed someone's head.
- Grad thesis on Hunter Biden being so fertile he got Nick Cannon pregnant.
- CNN Plus cancellation possibly due to using n-word too much.
- Disney pushing gay/trans laws because Mickey Mouse has been goofy.
- William reveals extensive criminal history including knife robberies targeting mall shoppers, following woman for two weeks, and accidental decapitation.
- William performs elaborate winking bit with audience and red band, becoming increasingly frustrated with red band's inability to match timing.
- Tony questions William's refusal to get health insurance despite 20-year absence from coverage and physical pain.
- William refuses to discuss reasons for not having health insurance, shaking head yes while saying no, implying incriminating medical history.