Kill Tony #534 — Chris Tellez
Guests: Chris Tellez
Lineup
Set: Observational comedy about dating in your 30s, Asian women's body shape, and women being pro-choice except about restaurants.
Interview: Hans discussed going to Dallas for comedy, meeting a 43-year-old woman with a history of strokes who abandoned him, and his experience with older women dating back to age 26.
- Asian women don't have big booties like Latinas
- Women are pro-choice except when deciding where to eat
- Tony called out Hans for saying 'older' twice when describing a 43-year-old woman
- Hans revealed he hooked up with a 58-year-old when he was 26-27
Set: Jokes about plan B contraception, human trafficking confusion, and a roundabout misunderstanding. Mentions acting on Walker Texas Ranger reboot.
Interview: Emilio revealed he's been doing stand-up 2.5 years, is a bus boy, recently got cast on the Walker Texas Ranger reboot on CW, has never worn a condom, and has a one-year girlfriend.
- People in glass houses shouldn't throw wives down stairs (Jesus parable)
- Plan B feels best because it means you dropped deep
- Emilio revealed he's never worn a condom in his life
- Audience members produced an actual condom to give him
Set: Political comedy about Thanksgiving, cultural appropriation, Native Americans, Biden pardoning turkeys, and white privilege with dark absurdist humor.
Interview: Michael came up wearing a costume resembling Obi-Wan Kenobi and wielded a lightsaber. He is a retired regular who occasionally makes surprise appearances.
- Thanksgiving birds with feathers trying to be Indians
- All Americans are the same color burner with different cocoa amounts
- Michael dramatically pulled a lightsaber from his costume during set
- Established as the only performer with a 'platinum ticket' to perform anytime
Set: Stand-up attacking Wisconsin as irrelevant, referencing Making a Murderer, kenosha/Sheboygan lunacy, and STDs as Wisconsin's main export.
Interview: John revealed this is his first stand-up set ever, he's from Philadelphia suburbs, quit his job as pool receptionist at Aria in Vegas, plays disc golf, and is talking to a girl back home.
- Wisconsin trying to start next civil war with agitators
- Making a Murderer guy convinced us he didn't do it for 30 seconds
- Tony noted John is his favorite cisgender comedian after first set
- John admitted to accepting bribes at Vegas pool as VIP receptionist
Set: Tiger discusses moving to Austin from South Florida in an RV, tire blowouts, backing out of a fighting ring, relationship with girlfriend whose dad interrupted sex, and mother's skepticism about comedy.
Interview: Tiger is 20 years old, came to Austin specifically to attend Kill Tony, this is his last day before flying back to Florida. Homeschooled his entire life specifically for music, sang professionally with his family since childhood.
- RV tire blowouts every 200 miles versus other kinds of blowouts
- Girlfriend's dad busting his balls during sex while living with parents
- Tiger performed live singing with guitar, visibly nervous and shaky
- Tiger revealed he sucks toes and smells feet as his bedroom move
Ali Musa
Set: Ali discusses homeless people's boldness and a shoeless woman offering to suck his toes instead of his dick. Compares getting dick sucked to his favorite thing in life.
Interview: Ali is Libyan, moved to Austin 2 weeks ago from Tucson Arizona where he was doing stand-up for 10 years. Delivers for UberEats, livestreams movie commentary on Russian app Okaylife, does impressions.
- Homeless woman offering toe sucking instead of dick sucking
- Ranking dick sucking as number one, homeless lady toe sucking as number two
- Ali revealed he actually received toe sucking from homeless woman
- Tony noted Ali looks like Gaddafi based on bone structure
Set: Brett discusses being raised by white parents who said he's special, comparing himself and comedians to shooting stars, and references to shooting/guns.
Interview: Brett is 22 years old, just moved to Austin from Dallas, sells tech stuff, got binoculars for Hanukkah, played tennis in college at Austin College in Sherman. Has a mixed Catholic-Jewish household.
- White parents tell kids they're stars, they become shooting stars
- Comedians like shooting stars—liars looking for crowds
- Matt Muelling audibly expressed fury at Brett saying he can't do Legos
- Tony noted this is a Kyle Rittenhouse-themed episode with young people with weapons
Set: Amy discusses oversharing culture, people oversharing about sex, tired of dick jokes, masturbation, and being late because she masturbates before getting on I-35.
Interview: Amy is sober tonight and for many years, spent 13 years in prison. Was released January 13 after 17 years out. Does motivational speaking in NA, visited prisons including Kyle Prison every Thursday.
- Young people overshare more than she does about sex
- Tired of hearing masturbation jokes from both gay and straight men
- Amy revealed she carries concealed weapons to the show
- Tony called out Amy for plugging the William Montgomery podcast during her interview
Set: William performs a new minute about learning masturbation from Miss Amy O, his hemorrhoid, Trump vs Biden policies on police/jail, Lost in Translation, Mormon sidechick named Nerf, and Discover cards.
Interview: William discussed his hemorrhoid in detail—internal/external, formed from straining on toilet 45 minutes daily due to bread diet. Girlfriend applies ointment. Uses prune juice, stool softeners, and Raisin Bran for treatment.
- Miss Amy O taught him how to masturbate two weeks ago
- Currently has hemorrhoid that Instagram keeps removing picture of
- William revealed girlfriend applies hemorrhoid ointment, asked her to remove glove for skin-to-skin contact
- William stated he looks at his butthole 30 minutes daily and is addicted to it