Kill Tony #564 — Francis Montgomery, Larry Montgomery
Guests: Francis Montgomery · Larry Montgomery
Lineup
Set: Set about being a millennial, talking to women, millennials vs Gen Z naming conventions, PTSD, and Amazon purchases. Incomplete due to saving material for next week.
Interview: Tony and panel discuss Hans's Amazon Prime cycling scheme (9-10 accounts for free shipping), his purchases visible on his phone (plant watering items, pregnancy pillows, clothing), and attempts to get Brian Redban to do a podcast with him.
- Gen Z called Zoomers because that's as far into future we thought.
- Discusses pregnancy pillows on Amazon order history in comedic context.
- Tony and Larry Montgomery review Hans's Amazon order history on his phone, finding pregnancy pillows, plant watering items, and multiple suspicious purchases.
- Hans admits to cycling through 9-10 Amazon Prime accounts to get free shipping monthly.
Set: First-time stand-up set about being 21 at a football stadium riot where a girl threw a Coke bottle at a security guard, causing crowd to rush and get seats. Story-driven with minimal comedy structure.
Interview: Tony teases Matt about his appearance (looking young, wearing new Amazon shirt with unopened pocket), discovers he's 23, just graduated college, moved out yesterday, has been in a 5-year relationship, is Senior VP of something related to sexual activity, and recently sneaked out by ringing his own doorbell.
- Being in crowd at stadium with no idea what to do, parallels first time on stage.
- Tony discovers Matt's Amazon shirt has an unopened front pocket with a string you break to open it.
- Matt reveals he's been with same girlfriend for 5 years (since age 18) and uses condoms every time.
- Larry Montgomery provides harsh feedback calling Matt 'sweet' but 'not funny.'
Set: Set about observing women making aggressive hand gestures when angry, suggests widening grip and lengthening stroke to 'leave her wondering.' Sexually suggestive joke about masturbation technique.
Interview: Charlie admits he's been doing comedy 10 years off-and-on, door dashes for work, is 45 years old, married to a hairdresser, has an 11-year-old daughter, lost 100 lbs by stopping drinking and eating poorly, is afraid of people, and is performing in Deming, New Mexico next.
- Women making aggressive gesture about promotions; suggests widening grip and lengthening stroke.
- Larry Montgomery criticizes Charlie for having one masturbation joke after 10 years of comedy.
- Charlie reveals he lost 100 lbs during pandemic by stopping drinking and eating poorly.
Set: Extremely sharp set by young performer covering homeless people's drug spending economics, racist people's investment portfolios/OCD, and parenting approaches comparing peas-and-carrots separation to racial integration. Stolen joke acknowledgment.
Interview: Aya reveals she's been doing stand-up only 2 months, is a student (second grade), studies film, works as a 'copyright' (typing/secretary work), discusses seeing homeless people and tells joke about payday loans.
- Homeless guy spends $300/day on drugs; has better work ethic than MBA graduate.
- Racist people have OCD; don't like peas and carrots touching like black and white people.
- Parenting comparison: white parents use timeouts and therapy while others use physical discipline.
- Tony jokes that Aya is an 11-year-old based on her exceptional performance after only 2 months of comedy.
- Larry Montgomery falls visibly in love with Aya during her performance, stares intensely.
- Aya acknowledges stealing jokes and compares herself to Amy Schumer.
- Tony throws joke books to Aya; she catches and drops one, becoming 'worst catcher in the world.'
Set: Set about Black parenting practices (hitting children), discusses barber shop anecdote about autistic child, jokes about 'Autism Speaks' becoming 'Autism Beats,' compares with white parents' therapeutic approaches like timeouts and therapy.
Interview: Ellis describes doing push-ups before performing, works in sales for ABC Supply (Windows/siding), does open mics after work and soccer on Mondays, saw a peacock in someone's yard, has a stray cat with large tumors, and describes it needing chemo.
- Black people need to stop hitting kids; autistic kid doesn't need beating, needs understanding.
- Autism Speaks becomes Autism Beats; organizations would need new platforms for beatings.
- White parents say 'use your words' while kid growls; white people crying about timeouts.
- Ellis mentions doing push-ups before set to feel 'in the pocket' and like Zach (unknown reference).
- Ellis accidentally reveals he signed an NDA with local production company and can't talk about it.
- Larry and Francis Montgomery discuss beating William with a gator tail as a child.
- Ellis describes seeing a peacock in someone's yard and having a cat with diseased testicles.
Set: Set about looking like transgender Dora the Explorer, arrived in US as 9-month-old with family, discusses difficulty getting papers, references his Dora appearance and jokes about family.
Interview: Edson came to US at 9 months old, got papers at 19, works inside sales for ABC Supply (windows/siding/shingles), works out and does open mics, originally from Mexico, has family there, recently separated 4-year girlfriend who went back to Chicago.
- Looks like Dora if she was transgender; kids see him and want to turn TV off.
- Edson discusses getting papers at age 19 and makes joke about becoming legal.
- Tony jokes about Edson jumping over walls; Edson plays along with border humor.
- Edson admits to sometimes lying about having a social security number to sound cool.
- Discussion of Edson's ex-girlfriend being white and leaving him for Chicago.
Set: Disjointed set about Colombian heritage, bad driving, getting a Tesla, homophobic saying about broke husbands, and a rambling bit about a Lara bar. No clear jokes or structure.
Interview: Sandy is nervous, has habit of getting in bad situations, interviewed extensively about her appearance, talks about William Montgomery's standards, discussed as compared to her lack of comedic fundamentals.
- Bad driver without Tesla; homophobic saying about broke husbands and wives.
- Larry Montgomery provides devastating feedback, comparing her negatively to William Montgomery's standards.
- Tony becomes increasingly frustrated with Sandy for continuous talking instead of answering questions.
- Francis Montgomery delivers brutal backhand compliment: 'you seem nice.'
- Tony tells Sandy never to sign up again and gives sound of angry bear.
Set: Set about pregnancy scare that scared her, jokes comparing pregnancy and delivery (both require good delivery), discusses Uber Eats driver delivering wine in front of church, mentions new job obtained.
Interview: Victoria has ankle monitor for alcohol DUI (bedazzled to say 'KILL' but only fit 'KNH'), been sober 2.5 months but needs 90 days, got DUI mid-day after drinking box wine and buzz balls, was found passed out in car in parking garage, wearing bell bottoms to hide monitor, works as project coordinator for furniture marketing company.
- Both pregnancy and delivery require good delivery; Uber Eats driver is best delivery.
- Victoria reveals ankle monitor bedazzled to say 'KILL' but only has 'KNH' due to space.
- Discussion of Victoria's DUI: passed out in car in parking garage, found in passenger seat.
- Red Band reveals he gave Victoria an enema as a 'gift' because her mother gave William Montgomery enemas.
- Victoria's purse contains Lara bar, hair ties, and nail polish; described as 'prison survival pack.'
Set: Lengthy 2+ minute set with parents on stage. Topics: Capitol riot (storming Capitol on Jan 6 with parents, reaching Nancy Pelosi's office), baby formula shortage and tampon shortage (use extra diapers as tampons), toothpaste claiming to take 10 years off.
Interview: William's parents discuss his childhood: high school performance on skateboard with ribbon stick prop, summer as runner creating 18-story paperclip chain (entire summer's work), erasing someone's book manuscript on firm computer, getting gator tail spankings.
- Stormed Capitol with parents, made it to Nancy Pelosi's office, was warm inside.
- Baby formula shortage, tampon shortage; use extra diapers as tampons after starvation.
- Toothpaste claims to take 10 years off life; no way getting that.
- First time ever comedian performs stand-up in front of their own parents as show guests.
- Parents discuss William's summer creating 18-story paperclip chain as firm runner, leading to nepotism policy.
- Parents reveal William deleted someone's book manuscript from firm computer system.
- William becomes upset when Red Band brings up enema stories in front of parents; orders him off stage.
- Red Band gives Victoria Evans enema coupon as 'joke gift' based on William's childhood memories.
- Parents discuss checking William's temperature with thermometer, Francis clarifies it was rectal.