Kill Tony #601 — Tim Dillon, Roseanne Barr
Guests: Tim Dillon · Roseanne Barr
Lineup
Set: Hans performed his weekly opening minute covering topics like semen retention for Rihanna's pregnancy, PR firm wordplay, and observations about blind people walking around.
Interview: Hans discussed a recent trip to Rochester with his Jewish girlfriend, the mental math abilities of Jewish women, and his relationship dynamics.
- Friend bragging about working at PR firm mistaken for Puerto Rico firm
- Blind Middle Eastern people and 9/11 pilot reference
- Asian man in crowd gave Hans a Black Power salute, Tim Dillon observed and made commentary
Set: Jordan performed about love languages, turning the test results into jokes about big booty bitches and weed, and discussed being beaten by his ex-girlfriend.
Interview: Jordan works as a valet at a women's center and discussed his abusive relationship with his ex-girlfriend, including a violent bathroom incident where she beat him.
- Love languages test results claiming his are big booty bitches and weed
- Girlfriend beat him after accusing him of cheating at work
- Jordan provided detailed account of domestic abuse including battery, throwing bottles, and physical altercation across multiple rooms
- Roseanne and Tony offered support and advice about the domestic abuse situation
Set: Bobby performed about his Australian identity, Indian heritage, parents' expectations versus his MDMA usage, and a heckler calling him Mexican pencil at a comedy show.
Interview: Bobby discussed coming to Austin for jujitsu training, his extended visa stay, his preference for Australia as home, and being a former nightclub security guard.
- Parents wanted doctor, got chemist, references MDMA drug use
- Heckler calls him Mexican pencil, reveals he's Australian from Pakistan
- Tony advised Bobby to add more context about being Indian in Australia to strengthen his premise
Set: Ahren performed about having cerebral palsy, choking on food, soup resembling drowning in a kiddie pool, and a restaurant incident where someone accused him of having COVID.
Interview: Aaron discussed his mentorship with Roseanne, his Canadian heritage, his relationship with his ex who choked him, and Tony's ongoing efforts to help him get US citizenship.
- Soup makes him feel like a child drowning in hot chicken water
- Woman accuses him of COVID, anti-vax guy blames vaccines for his palsy
- Golden ticket winner from two weeks prior, Roseanne offered mentorship, returning for strong performance
- Aaron took control of multiple microphones and delivered extended comedic bit about confronting homeless person on 6th Street
- Tony and Roseanne discussed getting Aaron US citizenship, exploring sponsorship and visa options
Drew Craigie
Set: Jovan performed about being an incel, picking up women, playing chess with an African guy who played athletically, and popsicles with dirty jokes written on them.
Interview: Jovan discussed living in a short bus, buying and reselling popsicles for profit, his incel status, masturbation habits, and selling popsicles to college students for $2 each.
- Incel with low standards regarding yeast infections, athlete's pussy wordplay
- Chess game with African man who played athletically, broke bishop's ankles
- Tony discovered Jovan's business model: buying cheap popsicles, melting them, repackaging at $2 for $1.83 total cost
- Roseanne provided mentorship on comedy structure: premise, punchline, no popsicle
Set: Sebastian attempted to roast Tim Dillon as his comedy hero, thanked Roseanne, mentioned wearing two watches and being a cowboy, but ran out of time with no jokes written.
Interview: Sebastian is a marketing development representative who recently moved to Austin from LA and South Texas, just started stand-up yesterday at Creek and Cave.
- Severely unprepared first-time performer with no written material, tried roasting Tim Dillon but time ran out
- Roseanne gave compassionate but firm advice to go back to drawing board and develop actual material
Set: Salvador performed about middle school bullying, his response strategy of asserting himself, and an incident with the football team quarterback that ended with sexual encounter.
Interview: Salvador has been doing stand-up for 7 years, moved from LA to Dallas to Austin, works as a waiter at Kirby Lane, and is dating a 23-year-old autistic woman.
- Bullies asked what else he'd do, questioned their sexuality and left
- Football quarterback said whatever you want, had sex with him as survival strategy
- Revealed his dating a much younger woman, discussed her autism and their bedroom dynamics
Set: Mallory performed about being a bartender/comedian/cannabis addict from Denver, meeting potential serial killers at work, and her diagnosis with celiac disease and Graves' disease.
Interview: Mallory has been doing stand-up for 2 years, is married for 9 years to a prep cook, works as a bartender without insurance, and discussed her celiac disease and bedroom habits.
- Bartending to serial killers, worried they know which car is hers
- Lost weight from celiac disease, friend said she's looking thin, she says she's sick
- Discussed butt plug and fear of using it, Red Band made fart joke requiring Roseanne's disapproving look
Set: William performed about trying to kill Tom Arnold, his wrestling finishing move the crop duster, horses and abortion access, wanting action movies with fat black women heroes.
Interview: William discussed getting hired for fair season guessing people's ages, demonstrating his accuracy with crowd members, planning to buy an RV to follow fairs, and mentioned being sick.
- Tried to kill Tom Arnold, wrestling finishing move called the crop duster
- CDC study says ejaculate 26 times monthly for health, Red Band must be healthiest
- Demonstrated age-guessing carnival skill with multiple audience members, mostly 2-3 years off
- Tony and panel praised William's fair performer energy and his planned RV/carnival lifestyle
- Roseanne asked if he was a street performer, William defensively rejected comparison to Venice Beach performers