Kill Tony #651 — Ari Shaffir
Guests: Ari Shaffir
Lineup
Set: Jokes about abortion, Muhammad Ali airport turbulence, and recent sexual encounters. Set ran short at 44 seconds.
Interview: Hans discussed being newly single after a breakup, meeting new women including one from Springfield and another named Angelica who moved to Austin. They discussed his sexual encounters with minimal protection.
- Men killing things vs women starting with fetuses, working up to Filipinos.
- Muhammad Ali Airport turbulence compared to Parkinson's disease.
- 69 position joke: having sex with sixes while thinking he's a nine.
- Hans revealed he's been actively pursuing new women after recent breakup, with Angelica in the VIP section.
- Angelica, his new girlfriend, rated him 10/10 in bed from the audience.
- Hans admitted to unprotected sex with Angelica, leading to warnings about potential pregnancy.
The Heavyweight Champion of da World
Set: Jokes about not being retarded, evolution, vestigial tails, and super gonorrhea. Set fell completely flat with no laughs.
Interview: Wayne blamed drugs and lack of sleep from traveling. He got defensive about his material and was ultimately blacklisted after failing to provide any redeeming qualities. Revealed he's a petty cabber and cocaine user.
- How vestigial tails explain evolution and girlfriend calls it 'the big one'.
- Friend with super gonorrhea got standing ovation instead of clap.
- Wayne's set bombed completely with zero laughs, leading Tony to declare him blacklisted from future appearances.
- Wayne admitted to using cocaine earlier that day, blaming it for his poor performance.
Set: Sexual jokes about dating a vegan woman, period sex, and oral sex. Material was crude but landed better than most that night.
Interview: Frankie has been doing stand-up for 2 years in Orlando, just moved to Austin last week, sells RVs and boots, considers himself a degenerate gambler.
- Vegan girlfriend won't put meat in her mouth, Frankie compensates with salad tossing.
- Frankie showed physical commitment to bit by literally demonstrating belly display and strapping beds together.
Set: Story about homeboy not knowing Kam was a weirdo until seeing him on Kill Tony, then criticizing him for repeating a joke. Self-aware and relatable.
Interview: Tony praised Cam as one of the most fun road partners and marketing genius, explaining his father's rock-selling business model with incredible profit margins at Home Depot for $8.25 per bag, sold for $10 each in every city.
- Homeboy watched Kill Tony, learned Kam was a weirdo, then criticized repeated joke.
- Tony reveals Cam's father's innovative rock-selling merchandising scheme with 99%+ profit margin.
Set: Impressions-based set with extended warranty bit, Taylor Swift/Travis Kelce joke, and Catholic vs Christian breeding joke that fell flat.
Interview: Robert has been doing stand-up 6 months in San Antonio bars, married 12 years to a Toyota mechanic wife, plays Yu-Gi-Oh and Pokemon, considered himself a pacifist growing up as a fat kid.
- Extended warranty scam impression with car salesman delivery.
- Taylor Swift dating black guy would result in rap album with specific rhymes.
- Robert's Catholic vs Christian joke completely missed, Tony criticized the setup.
Set: Story about kid who beat him up in middle school getting hit by train, then breaking up with ex after she got hit by 'black train'. Jokes were not structured.
Interview: Sean has been doing stand-up 3-4 months in Austin only, started because he thought comedy was dead but Kill Tony showed him otherwise. He admitted to bullying Minecraft kids and currently rock climbs and attends church.
- School bully got hit by train, now Sean can talk shit, closed casket funeral.
- Crowd turned aggressively against Sean during interview, giving middle fingers and booing.
- Sean revealed he's afraid of Black people when asked about his fears.
Set: Almond milk and trans transition joke, OnlyFans girl accidental text to uncle, and discussion about not reading bios. Some jokes worked, character-driven comedy.
Interview: Uncle Lazer showed visible improvement in joke writing and delivery. Tony praised his progress from early appearances, noting he's developed better material while working on the road without making excuses.
- Almond milk making everyone trans, regular 2% had strong bones and regular gays.
- OnlyFans girl accidentally texts content to her uncle Mike instead of Uncle Lazer.
- Uncle Lazer pulls out Ari's testicle on stage and examines it closely, creating absurd comedic moment.
- Tony explicitly praises Uncle Lazer's progression from early appearance to solid material without excuses.
Set: Set about trauma including prison, father's suicide, drug addiction, and getting pegged with cucumber. Dark personal material mixed with crude sexual humor.
Interview: Dustin is 37, doing his 5th set ever, just did open mic earlier that night. Discussed father's suicide by overdose on crystal meth 3 years ago with no note, stealing lobster and beer from restaurant leading to 9-month boot camp sentence.
- Went to state prison, lost father to suicide, overcome addiction, had cucumber up ass.
- Got pegged with produce in hot tub, neighbor's kids traumatized by scene.
- Tony mocked Dustin's father's suicide relentlessly, making crude jokes about him being in hell and killing himself again.
- Dustin revealed he stole lobster and beer from a restaurant, leading to felony charge and boot camp.
Set: Jokes about ending weight loss journey, looking like Osama Bin Laden either way, family members in law enforcement and addiction. Dark family humor with no punchlines.
Interview: Colin took a year break from comedy after doing it for 2.5 years, works testing electrical safety equipment, from St. Louis Missouri, had threesome with two women in Mexico.
- Looks like Osama Bin Eaton whether skinny or fat, might as well enjoy it.
- Brother is cop/corrections officer, sister is alcoholic postal worker with firearms, family tragedy.
Dubz General
Set: Crude jokes about areolas, Florida confederate flag, racist/harsh language about white people and sexual encounters. Turbo round entry with minimal interview.
Interview: Dubs General is a single father who takes care of his kids. This was his most notable quality in the accelerated turbo round format.
- Dark areolas vs clear nipples, don't want to see heartbeat during sex.
- Dubs General was part of turbo round, only briefly interviewed before moved to next performer.
Set: Sexual jokes about STD testing, poison ivy, not being in relationships (implying he's gay), proving straightness by jerking off to women. Humorous self-aware delivery.
Interview: Zach has been doing stand-up for 3 years (since October), moved to Austin in April from St. Louis, works at Home Depot stocking/ordering wood mold, is diabetic for 12 years (since age 15).
- Treats STDs like poison ivy, if not itching then doesn't have it, quit fucking in bushes.
- Buddy said he's gay for being single, proved straightness by sending video of jerking to woman.
- Zach mentioned voting onto high school board at age 20, audience hated it both times he brought it up.