Uncle Lazer
Uncle Lazer has performed on Kill Tony 31 times. Every appearance below, with set summaries and timestamps.
Appearances
Uncle Laser performed high-energy, manic material about Houston Rodeo season, large Black women in jeans throwing their bodies to George Strait, and a sexually explicit encounter in a parking lot with a Louisiana woman where she queefed.
- Big Black women in jeans at Rodeo throwing ass to George Strait
- Hooked up with Louisiana woman in Ford Focus; she queefed/made fart noise
- Lost virginity at 12 with 14-year-old girl and 47-year-old Black man
No set recap for this appearance.
Set about his divorced parents, his mom's promiscuity, his dad's religious nature, and a story about swallowing Lifesavers during a parental argument to bring them together.
- His mom fucked all of Metallica in the eighties, built for tough
- Swallowed Lifesavers during parents' fight to bring them together as a team
No set recap for this appearance.
No set recap for this appearance.
Uncle Lazer does racial boundary-pushing comedy about his black friends calling him n-word, playing spades, and calling cops on loud music after getting rejected.
- Black friends call him n-word; special like dad patting butt
- Playing spades; uses n-word back; gets kicked out for calling cops
No set recap for this appearance.
Uncle Lazer talked about quitting cocaine and being good at it, summer plans to use again. Made jokes about smoking dabs with hippie girlfriend, her wanting sex but him having cerebral palsy-like symptoms from THC.
- Probably was addicted to cocaine, quit but summer coming so unclear.
- Girlfriend smokes dabs, THC makes him have cerebral palsy symptoms.
- Girlfriend wants horsecock but he can only deliver My Little Pony.
Kanye West/broke guy riff, thick women preferences, Mexican woman at Quinceañera breast-feeding story, horchata suckling joke.
- Kanye West quote about fat women meaning broke guy; section 8 housing joke
- Mexican woman at Quinceañera breast-feeding seven-year-old, her milk tasted like horchata
Uncle Lazer performs sexually explicit material about a woman from Tallahassee sliding into his DMs, his small genitalia (field mouse dick), sending explicit pictures, and arranging transportation via Greyhound bus with his mother's involvement.
- Woman from Tallahassee offers plane ticket in exchange for sexual services
- Field mouse dick and inability to send wire pics or use water park
Material about Trump election, Puerto Ricos as trash island, 500,000 Puerto Ricans in Pennsylvania, UTI in Spanish, dating Puerto Rican woman with STDs.
- I didn't know there were 500,000 Puerto Ricans in Pennsylvania.
- Island of trash, dated Puerto Rican woman with two yeast infections.
- Punch TV after Mike Tyson fight loss, advocated for young American fighter.
Set about volunteering as baseball coach (court-ordered) to meet single mothers, describing their appearance, and commentary on vaginal tightness with women.
- Court-ordered baseball coach volunteers to meet single mothers at games
- Describes single mothers as smelling like Thanksgiving leftovers and unattractive
Uncle Lazer performs bit about Netflix and chill scenarios, sexual assault, losing taste/smell during COVID, crack smoking, and dissing House of Dragons being on Netflix.
- Netflix and chill leads to butt massage scenario
- Lost taste/smell in COVID, still got strep from unprotected
- Smoked crack with woman during Netflix, not House of Dragons
No set recap for this appearance.
Uncle Lazer performs explicit sexual material about a stripper/ballerina with poor hygiene, his current UTI infection from her yeast infection, and includes crude descriptions of her anatomy.
- Made love to forklift driver with bad-smelling genitalia, compares anatomy to iguana neck.
Almond milk and trans transition joke, OnlyFans girl accidental text to uncle, and discussion about not reading bios. Some jokes worked, character-driven comedy.
- Almond milk making everyone trans, regular 2% had strong bones and regular gays.
- OnlyFans girl accidentally texts content to her uncle Mike instead of Uncle Lazer.
No set recap for this appearance.
Returning performer with material about nephew's disturbing butter-stick masturbation behavior with neighbor's dog, and childhood masturbation methods using TV infomercials and HBO.
- Nephew jerking off with butter sticks in lawn chair trying to get neighbor's dog
- I jerked off to Girls Gone Wild infomercials and Real Sex HBO
- Jerked off so much to Hey Arnold that I came thinking about football heads
Redemption appearance performs punchline-heavy minute about Christian Mingle failures, dating single mother with multiple children, graphic pussy descriptions, and tight pussy making him claustrophobic.
- Christian Mingle full of non-Christian women with multiple baby daddies
- Pussy freshly post-birth looks like mud flap on 18-wheeler truck
- Tight pussy makes him claustrophobic, prefers wallered out version
No set recap for this appearance.
Uncle Lazer tells story about his mom backhand hitting him for turning on car interior light, warning about CPS and YMCA. Gets pulled over, cop says he was speeding and swerving, he jokingly claims it's because of the overhead light being on.
- Mom warned turning on car overhead light would summon cops and CPS would take him to YMCA with smelly kids.
- Got pulled over for speeding 90 in 45, joked he was pulled over for overhead light being on.
No set recap for this appearance.
Uncle Lazer jokes about dating plus-sized women, uses term 'slim thick' sarcastically, discusses attraction to larger women, and makes crude sexual references.
- Woman claiming 'slim thick' needs Slim Fast instead, built like trash bag
- Likes big women because they have tight anatomy, keeps flower for finding wet spots
High-energy Texas comedy about cocaine culture, sex dysfunction from cocaine, and strangers' houses. Extremely animated and in-character throughout.
- Cocaine users want to sniff keys with best friends after beer
- Can't get dick hard on cocaine at stranger's house on beanbag
- Every hundred dollar bill has cocaine residue, can make kilo and half
Uncle Lazer warned about gothic girls and witches, described a horror story about butt stuff with a horoscope girl involving steel balls and Christmas ornaments. Explicit, aggressive sexual humor.
- Season of the Witch - gothic girls at work are a trap and curse
- Dated a cancer-girl into extreme butt stuff with Christmas ornament steel balls
Story about being date-raped and having low drug tolerance, attempting to complete the experience himself. Crude, absurdist narrative-driven comedy.
- Mom raised him not to be a quitter, jerked himself off to complete the date rape experience
- Fell in a porta potty at a festival during sex
Uncle Lazer delivered rapid-fire observational and political comedy: avoiding politics at parties, criticizing Biden's prisoner swap trading a Charizard Pokemon for Pikachu, and referencing Trump's Art of the Deal, claiming he wrote a joke in the car.
- Biden traded first-edition Charizard for starter Pikachu with Russia
- Avoided politics because everybody's doing drugs at parties
Jokes about buddies getting girlfriends and disappearing, joint Facebook accounts, and sending unsolicited explicit photos to a couple's shared account. Includes observational humor about the girlfriend's anatomy.
- Joint Facebook accounts mean someone cheated; sent dick pic to couple's account
- Girlfriend's butthole was hairy like a pig's tail; she's a cheater
Uncle Lazer delivers high-energy comedy about poverty, getting a color TV at 19 and discovering The Simpsons weren't Black, and making money. Builds absurdist humor with catchphrases and intensity.
- Growing up so poor, thought The Simpsons were Black on black-and-white TV
- When got color TV at 19, realized Simpsons are yellow/Asian, not Black
Uncle Lazer performs about looking like Hitler's wet dream and Brad Pitt of the inbred community, attracting middle-aged single mothers for their snacks, and a woman from Florida offering a Greyhound bus ticket.
- Look like Hitler's wet dream and Brad Pitt of inbred community
- Single mothers attractive for snacks pudding pops Capri Suns
- Woman from Florida offers Greyhound ticket to blow her back out
Uncle Lazer delivers a high-energy set about growing up poor in rural Texas, sexual encounters with rural women, meeting a woman at a bar with similar appearance, and crude sexual descriptions throughout.
- Describes rural women as farm girls with calloused hands from work, compares handjob sensation to sandpaper.
- Compares oil field drilling motto to sexual innuendo: 'Your hole is our goal, if we can't make it squirt we'll find someone that will.'