Kill Tony #568 — Erik Griffin
Guests: Erik Griffin
Lineup
Set: Hans delivers absurdist observations about his recent sexual activity, his back issues, and comparisons between Biden and Cuba Gooding Jr., utilizing physical comedy and surreal premises.
Interview: Tony and Erik discuss Hans's new Thanos gauntlet chain, his Korean grills, and marvel at his ability to perform with the grills in his mouth without gagging.
- Compares hating Biden to hating Cuba Gooding Jr. because Biden is barely there.
- Describes using two knuckles during sex due to his 90-degree bend in lower back, comparing himself to a Tetris piece.
- Hans performs his entire minute again with Korean gold grills in his mouth while the crowd cheers
- Tony discovers Hans is wearing a Thanos gauntlet chain as a sponsor and marvels at the jewelry
Set: Jake delivers a set about dating, encountering a woman into rough sex, and humorously describing his feminist approach to meeting her sexual desires with increasingly absurd escalation requirements.
Interview: Tony learns Jake has worked 10 years in his family's roller skating and swimming pool business, is dyslexic, and recently quit a job he's looking to replace.
- When woman wants rough sex, he demands text consent, video consent, written consent and boxing commission sanction before agreeing.
- Compares himself to Mike Tyson as feminist because rough encounter lasted five seconds of the first round.
- Tony has Jake guess shoe sizes for panel members, including Erik Griffin. Jake guesses incorrectly multiple times.
- Jake reveals he's severely dyslexic with comprehension issues, leading to Tony noting his inability to understand the basic interview questions mirrors his dyslexia.
Lex Shaw
Set: Lex performs jokes about gaining weight and gaining confidence about his appearance, compares his cocaine use to his weight gain, makes observations about dick confidence when soft versus hard.
Interview: Tony discovers Lex is from Tucson, Arizona, works for a pest control company, recently moved out of his wife's parents' home, and his wife is a math tutor.
- Makes fat noises climbing stairs, acknowledges being three years into being fat, wrote the joke two years ago.
- Describes how his dick confidence varies based on hardness; when soft he wears a t-shirt in the pool.
- D Madness makes a spontaneous joke about Lex being ugly despite being blind, getting a big laugh.
Set: Mike performs observational comedy about his appearance and grooming, inappropriate behavior in a gym steam room, and describes an unusual situation where he can only orgasm in outdoor locations.
Interview: Tony interviews Mike about his first time doing stand-up, being from Houston and living in Brooklyn, coming out as gay on stage, and his work in advertising and marketing.
- Responds to suggestion about stopping being gay by saying friend needs to stop hanging out with him.
- Describes only being able to orgasm in outdoor locations, found himself on side of jet ski masturbating in lake.
- Mike comes out as gay on stage for the first time in Kill Tony history, looking directly at camera to tell his Christian Houston parents.
Set: Kyle performs about his childhood transition from Catholic to public school where he was uncircumcised unlike his peers, his Filipino father's decision to circumcise him later, and uses extended metaphors comparing it to keeping a pet.
Interview: Tony learns Kyle is 23, from Arkansas, moving to Massachusetts for grad school, recently quit his job in mental health, and met Mike Dexter at the line earlier.
- Compares begging parents to keep foreskin to begging to keep a cute stray animal on the street.
- Kyle sits at the same table as Mike Dexter and is pulled from bucket immediately after him, creating a comedic pairing.
Set: Christian performs about bombing sets as an opportunity to rap Eminem, makes geopolitical commentary on Ukraine propaganda, and discusses receiving attention from gay men due to his large buttocks.
Interview: Tony discusses Christian's first stand-up appearance, acting career in Austin for two years, audition for a short film called 'Titty Boy', and featured extra role in the movie Apollo 10 1/2.
- If he bombs, he can go hard rapping Lose Yourself by Eminem, specifically the first half about sucking.
- Discusses Ukraine war propaganda about killing generals with single sniper bullet, suggests they were lined up for potato ration.
- Red Band plays a pornhub sound effect during interview, the first time he's used it in the show's history.
Set: Uncle Lazer delivers a high-energy set about growing up poor in rural Texas, sexual encounters with rural women, meeting a woman at a bar with similar appearance, and crude sexual descriptions throughout.
Interview: Tony learns Uncle Lazer is from Beasley, Texas (2.5 hours south of Austin), works in oil drilling in New Mexico, has autism, is a chess grand champion, and his mother worked at Frito-Lay for 34 years.
- Describes rural women as farm girls with calloused hands from work, compares handjob sensation to sandpaper.
- Compares oil field drilling motto to sexual innuendo: 'Your hole is our goal, if we can't make it squirt we'll find someone that will.'
- D Madness responds multiple times to Uncle Lazer's set with enthusiasm despite being unable to see him, showing incredible rapport.
- Uncle Lazer reveals he has autism and plays chess at a high level, discussing his chess mastery.
Set: Sara performs observations about anal sex positioning, whiskey dick compared to a motion-activated paper towel dispenser, and ends with a punchline about wiping hands on pants.
Interview: Tony learns Sara is 24, from Dallas (Dallas Comedy Arena in McKinney), living with her parents, pole dances for 6 years, and reveals she has two vaginas separated by a septum.
- When asked about anal sex, responds 'usually behind' - a positional punchline.
- Compares whiskey dick to a motion-activated paper towel dispenser that won't work, then wipes hands on pants in frustration.
- Sara reveals she has two separate vaginas divided by a septum, stunning the entire panel and leading to extended comedic discussion.
- Tony and panel make extended jokes about the medical condition, comparing to various objects and scenarios.
Set: William delivers a set of observational jokes about women's abortion protest sex strike, Arch Manning/Peyton Manning comparison, Green Day and Billy Joe Armstrong, Gatorade bottle downsizing, and Red Band's elderly mother.
Interview: Tony discovers William has gotten Bosley hair transplant surgery, claims sponsorship deals with Bosley and Adidas, reveals the hair and beard are different colors and he regrets the procedure.
- Women protesting abortion ruling refuse sex with men; he refuses to be in Hootie and the Blowfish.
- Arch Manning committed to Texas; next question is which defensive player will he lose the Heisman to.
- William attempts to remove his fake Bosley hair implant by pulling on it aggressively, revealing it's a fake attachment.
- Red Band reveals he used gorilla glue to attach the fake beard/hair earlier, explaining why it came off easily.