Kill Tony #553 — Jessie Johnson
Guests: Jessie Johnson
Lineup
Set: Hans opens with self-deprecating liberal politics, attacking poor people, women, and Hispanics with absurdist humor. He discusses slinging rocks as a hobby and sings about wanting sexual attention while being a non-threatening third wheel.
Interview: Hans is autistic and carries a slingshot as a hobby. He discusses camping in the desert, playing basketball with comedians, longboarding to the venue, and his dating struggles as a non-threatening figure.
- I'm a liberal who wants to exterminate poor people because they're disgusting.
- Not worried about panic attacks, worried about Hispanic attacks instead.
- Sings about being a non-threatening third wheel wanting sexual attention.
- Hans laughs at himself and does a new minute every episode, impressing the panel.
- Tony notes Hans brought a slingshot to the show and demonstrates throwing paper towels.
Set: Rachel discusses coming from a family of seven sisters and jokes about the physical toll of childbirth on babies' heads. She compares her mother's strength to breaking a baby's skull.
Interview: Rachel appeared on the show Monday and felt frozen during that interview. She has a new cat and got married last year. Her husband is in medical school and she works as a business manager for a sushi restaurant.
- Babies come out cone-shaped from childbirth, mother's strength is impressive.
- Tony critiques her opening, saying thanking the audience takes away the excitement and makes her seem too nice.
- Tony guesses she has a cat based on 'special energy' of cat owners.
Towabe
Set: Towabe opens with a joke about his mother's concern about Texas abortion laws. He tells a pirate joke with a steering wheel pun that doesn't land well with the afternoon crowd.
Interview: Towabe is from Philadelphia and came to Austin for a music show via South by Southwest. He raps, produces music, and has been doing music since age 13. He supports himself through screen printing, selling merch, and odd jobs.
- Mother worried about abortion laws when he said he was coming to Texas.
- Pirate walks into bar with steering wheel sticking out of pants, says it's driving him nuts.
- Tony praises Towabe's charisma and musical talent, noting his natural entertainer abilities.
- Towabe raps a freestyle verse showing genuine talent, impressing the panel.
- Tony gives Towabe a handmade leather joke book as a gift.
Set: Nat jokes about volunteering as a meter maid and hiding remote controls. He discusses his girlfriend and the difference between bragging about casual sex versus committed relationships.
Interview: Nat is a recovering heroin addict with almost five years sobriety. He's been doing stand-up for one year and just turned 30. He recently got a puppy named Norm Macdonald and shared a funny story about his father.
- Volunteering as meter maid is worse than professional snitching.
- Single men brag about conquests, but with girlfriends you can't brag the same way.
- Nat shares that it was his 30th birthday during the episode.
- Story about attempting to rob a meat truck while in heroin withdrawal with a friend.
- Nat tells story about his dad pointing at his new puppy and saying 'hairy butt' before falling asleep.
Set: David discusses drinking whiskey with white people like Rogan and Brendan Schaub, joking about his sexuality. He compares lesbians to vegans and discusses his own sexual experiences with men and women.
Interview: David has a stomach issue and was sick at the airport and again last night. He's been opening for major comedians including Rogan, Schaub, and Louis CK. He's headlining at the Laugh Factory in San Diego and will be in town through Friday.
- Drinking whiskey with white people helps understand being gay.
- Lesbians and vegans are the same thing, both seeking replacements for real meat.
- Extensive roasting between Tony and David about his appearance and outfit.
- Red Band makes seal sound effects during the interview.
- David was diagnosed with a stomach bug and feeling ill during the show.
Set: Jared does a 50-second joke about not being able to drive or describe a car. He keeps his set very brief and abstract.
Interview: Jared has never driven a car, bicycle, or anything other than a tricycle. He had neck surgery from playing hockey as a goalie in Special Hockey International. He plays ice hockey and can skate backwards and do crossovers.
- People ask if he can describe a car, responds 'no.'
- Tony announces Jared holds a golden ticket after only 50 seconds of material.
- Jared gets excited about Tony's game 'Are You Funnier Than a [ __ ]' with a drunk guest.
- Jared called 911 thinking it was an ATM in an emergency.
Set: Brad's first-ever stand-up set includes characters like 'Promiscuous Dracula' and 'Samurai Scooby-Doo.' He jokes about global warming, highway adoption, and admits to having a gambling problem at a county fair petting zoo.
Interview: Brad is 27, from Montana, visiting Austin for a week off work. He's a sales rep for a professional services firm. He previously worked as an EMT and ski patroller. Single, recently had a drunk coworker encounter a few weeks ago.
- Being named Brad is like being off-brand Chad, like a substitute at a restaurant.
- 'Promiscuous Dracula' wants to drink your blood as a character.
- Bet on the petting zoo at county fair, admits gambling problem.
- Brad performs his first-ever stand-up comedy set, showing nervousness but effort.
- Brad plays bluegrass guitar and sings a song about buying a motorcycle and drinking.
Set: William discusses a Samurai Scooby-Doo character, global warming freeze tag concerns, highway adoption versus child adoption, and betting on a petting zoo at a county fair. Very chaotic, partly attacked Red Band during set.
Interview: William has done more new minutes than anyone in Kill Tony history. He's been wearing the same pair of shorts repeatedly and makes a 'stew' joke about beef ravioli in shorts. He discusses hunting homeless people with string weapons and night stick assault.
- Samurai Scooby-Doo character (partially told, attacked Red Band mid-set).
- In 10 years freeze tag will be gone due to global warming.
- People adopt highways when there are plenty of children to adopt.
- William attacks audience member during set, later discusses meeting him in bathroom.
- Extended violent monologue about hunting homeless people with leg-tripping devices and night stick.
- William wears sunglasses at night, hits concrete repeatedly while walking, possibly incoherent.
- Multiple instances of William appearing to have a medical or mental episode during interview.