Kill Tony #523 — Alex Jones
Guests: Alex Jones
Lineup
Set: Kim performs material about white women not dating Asian men, microaggressions, his friend's dumb comments, and uniting America through threats of violence. New minute featuring observational humor about being Asian in America.
Interview: Tony and Alex discuss Hans's trademark make-out sessions with audience members, his kissing streak, and potential romantic interest with Hannah from the audience.
- White women don't date Asian men because Asians are better women, more obedient
- Asian smile comment makes him think about being physically different every time he feels happy
- Friend says America divided; Hans threatens to shoot him if he says it again
- Hans makes out with audience member Hannah on stage
- Discussion of Hans kissing girls weekly and internet backlash about disease transmission
Set: Barb performs first-time standup about getting a mammogram and tire work on same day, feeling up and screwed simultaneously, her adult children thinking she's an idiot, and asking them to make sandwiches.
Interview: Tony discovers Barb's son August signed her up without her knowledge. Discussion of her move to Austin, work in furniture design, being called a Karen, and her late husband.
- Got mammogram and tire work same day - most action in long time
- Kids think she has Alzheimer's, ask if she can make a sandwich
- Son August called on stage, reveals he tricked his mom into signing up
- D Madness refuses to kiss Barb, showing high bar for his participation
Set: Christian returns with material about statistically someone having COVID and being gay, keeping distance from both groups, having COVID and OnlyFans feelings, and texting guys after exposure.
Interview: Tony confirms Christian was on show couple months ago. Discussion of Oakland hat, soccer background, current basketball play, server job at Papados, hometown of Lumberton Texas, 9/11 birthday connection.
- Statistically someone has COVID here, keep distance from them
- Having COVID felt like having OnlyFans for an hour
- 9/11 birthday revelation leads to Building 7 conspiracy discussion with Alex Jones
- Alex Jones and Christian jump attempt, Alex shows athleticism at 63
Set: David performs new minute about heat making him believe in global warming, slavery in hot conditions, being a house nerd/snitch, understanding slave ownership, and extended riffs on hot dogs, buns, and related crude humor.
Interview: Tony discusses David's New York trip, friends' fentanyl overdose deaths, comparisons to Afghan flight withdrawal, child support and parenting philosophy, and Cuban/Mexican labor comparisons.
- Global warming real because couldn't pick cotton in this Texas heat
- Would have been house nerd snitching for lemonade
- White people have slaves called Mexicans, extended hot dog/bun riffs
- David mentions friends died from fentanyl-laced cocaine, serious tone contrast
Set: Sunny performs Afghan flight health program joke, Biden withdrawal criticism, Trump vs Biden comparisons, playground vs fishing spot material, material about missing Trump.
Interview: Tony reveals Sunny was on show before and was a disaster, kicked off in 2 minutes. Discusses door dash/Uber Eats work, 10-month comedy timeline, daughter in Wyoming, custody issues, failed Zoom meetings.
- Afghan flight program - cut foot of hair, lost 10 lbs, everything falling off
- Biden like his dad - only find out about him when he falls downstairs
- Tony reveals Sunny's previous disastrous appearance was 2 minutes long
- Sunny admits he hasn't seen his daughter in two years
Set: Garrett performs about people lying, friend complimenting his weight loss (can't afford food), cockroach falling in eye, living in poverty, and questions about cancel culture vs old publicity adage.
Interview: Tony learns Garrett started comedy couple months ago, works hospitality/bartending/catering, 26 years old, no friends in Austin, lonely, plays piano/guitar, only had sex with couple women, shy about intimacy.
- Can't afford food so pounds melt away, fridge slides when he leans on it
- Opened cabinet, cockroach fell in eyeball
- Garrett reveals both parents died - one at 13, one at 23
Set: Bilaal performs material about planes vs blimps, 9/11 blimp scenario as comedic thought experiment, melting building impact, blimp bouncing off building.
Interview: Tony confirms Bilaal has been on show before and works at Vulcan Gas Company. Discussion of reading, drawing hobbies, lack of romantic life, name meaning (the weather), demon mythology confusion.
- What if 9/11 was with blimps - would just smoosh and melt
- Alex Jones does extended demon/Satan bit about Bilaal's name, complete chaos
Set: William performs new material about Kermit Oscar snub, Texas abortion law (6 weeks to murder innocent child), Christopher Reeve and national anthem refusal, abortion/crime rate, Hunter Biden Afghan refugee joke.
Interview: Tony discusses William's Martin's potato rolls sponsorship scam, recent raisin bread sponsorship from Sunmade, aggressive raisin bread throwing, anger at Morton's, William's sobriety and bread addiction.
- Kermit not winning Oscar for Muppet movie says lot about Hollywood
- Texas abortion law gives women 6 weeks to murder innocent child
- Christopher Reeve refused standing for anthem before death
- William throws raisin bread pieces aggressively into crowd, appears to injure people
- William wears raisin bread as hat, creates 'raisin bread unicorn' visual