Kill Tony #623 — Brian Moses, Matthew Broussard
Guests: Brian Moses · Matthew Broussard
Lineup
Set: Hans performs edgy material on driving in Austin, trans women in sports, and turns it into a commentary on the Special Olympics. He references local issues and demonstrates strong punchline construction.
Interview: Hans discusses pressure from battling someone who's only done comedy once (Janice Min), describes a Portland trip with a drone incident, and reflects on Portland's decline.
- Stopped using turn signal, took it out, just a holster there now.
- Women's sports are for people that suck at sports, like Special Olympics.
- Hans is battling Janice Min for regular status after she debuted last week with strong performance.
- Audience votes to keep Hans as regular over Janice.
Set: Janice performs her second-ever stand-up set, building on Asian stereotypes and pivoting to a viral TikTok grape lady reference. She demonstrates strong likeability and confident delivery for a beginner.
Interview: Janice discusses her anxiety about performing, Red Band's nervousness as her boyfriend, and Red Band critiques her technical execution while praising the material.
- Asian people make distinctive noise when startled or impressed.
- References viral grape lady from Fox News falling and making funny noise.
- Janice loses the battle vote to Hans Kim despite strong second performance.
- Red Band confesses tension about her performance, critiques her execution.
Set: Kent, a 20-year-old from South Carolina, performs crude material about border security, sports coaches, and racial vagina jokes. He has a noticeable lisp and leg-shaking condition.
Interview: Tony discovers Kent's involuntary leg-shaking and lisp, learns he works at H.E.B. dairy, moved to Austin in January, and recently went on a date that ended when the girl said she liked someone else.
- Dora the Explorer at border: Swiper swiped my green card, uses map to find cocaine.
- Different races have different flavored vaginas; lemon pepper for Black women.
- Tony identifies Kent as 'Leg Shaking Guy' from previous appearance.
- Kent reveals he was rejected after a two-hour conversation with a girl.
Set: Bobby pitches his startup 'Founders Cupid' during his set, comparing startups to stand-up comedy. The set struggles to land, with forced punchlines and heavy self-promotion that backfires with the crowd.
Interview: Tony aggressively interrogates Bobby's startup, exposing it as an MLM. Bobby attempts multiple times to explain the concept but receives relentless mocking from the panel for his corporate pitch and unlikeability.
- Startup is cool way of saying unemployed white guy.
- Startups and stand-up similar: pour energy, time, hopes into fantasy job.
- Tony repeatedly tries to help Bobby recover from terrible set performance.
- Panel and Tony unanimously mock Bobby for wearing branded startup apparel to comedy show.
Set: Patrick, recently moved from Boston, performs about feet fetishes, money-saving OnlyFans hacks, and absurdist humor about 9/11 and Two and a Half Men references.
Interview: Patrick discusses his move to Austin one month ago, his bar/coffee shop work, recent kayaking date, new Betty Boop tattoo that got infected, and attending 70 Fish concerts with nitrous use.
- Likes feet; saves money on OnlyFans by checking old Cancun Instagram photos.
- Recurring dream about working 7-11 during 9/11 with Arnold Schwarzenegger as manager.
- Tony compares Patrick's appearance to multiple country singers.
- Patrick reveals he got Betty Boop tattoo that became infected.
Set: Kam performs about unprotected sex during COVID, getting chlamydia while vaccinated, and mistaking it for vaccine side effects. High-energy delivery with explicit language and personal sexual narrative.
Interview: Kam discusses his growing success and dating preferences, joking about pursuing white women as he becomes more successful. Panel discusses racial dynamics in dating and success.
- Had unprotected sex during COVID; got chlamydia; doctor blamed vaccine side effects.
- Kam improvises about audience member from Belize claiming to be Black.
- Panel jokes about Kam's sexual success with different races as he achieves success.
Set: Alan, visiting from Evansville, Indiana, performs about paranoia regarding Airbnb spy cameras in bedrooms, masturbating while watching cooking TikToks, and sleeping with coworkers.
Interview: Alan reveals he's been doing stand-up for three months, is being blacklisted in Evansville for using f-bombs and n-word excessively, and carries a rock in his pocket for security.
- Paranoid about Airbnb spy cameras; thinks someone watches him masturbate and cook.
- Unsure if sleeping with coworker is weird after a while.
- Alan confesses promoter sister complained about excessive f-bombs and n-words.
Set: Nicole, a golden ticket winner from over 5 years ago, performs absurdist material about her aunt's Alzheimer's, fish tacos replacing currency, Walmart geography jokes, and cousin Bing Bing mishaps. Heavy accent and broken English comedy style.
Interview: Nicole discusses Bing Bing cousin's eyebrow tattoo disaster, introduces Bing Bing merch, talks about moving from Bay Area to West Hollywood, jury duty confusion, and upcoming special filming.
- Auntie Vu moved to San Antonio, got Alzheimer's, can't remember the animal.
- Walmart in Austin bigger than Oklahoma; aisles 7, 8, 9 are Oklahoma.
- Cousin Bing Bing's eyebrow tattoo too high; looks surprised all the time.
- Nicole sells Bing Bing merchandise during interview; claims sexual properties of shirt.
- Tony compliments Nicole's delivery timing as 'automated voice messaging system.'
- Nicole performs song about being yellow girl in Texas with 10 gallon butt.
Set: Tyler, the only white guy from San Benito Texas, performs material denying slavery using white perspective, jokes about his lack of athletic stamina, and questions slavery logistics.
Interview: Tyler reveals he's from small Texas town, his parents are teachers, recently moved to San Antonio, discovered Kill Tony a month ago, and has been doing stand-up 2.5-3 years.
- White guys practically supervillains now; expected to catch Black guys fleeing lions.
- Best joke written about weed and condom history; Muslim used gold intestine in 1405.
- Tyler performs slavery denial material that makes audience deeply uncomfortable.
- Panel criticizes Tyler as unfunny after extended bombing.
- Tyler reveals coach put cocaine on table and snorted it in front of him.
Set: Teresa, separated from autistic firefighter, performs explicit material about her Chinese and hemorrhoid body jokes, yeast infections, and sexual dysfunction. Crude, confessional comedy style.
Interview: Teresa reveals three-month separation from 10-year marriage, describes sexually explicit encounters with three different men named Angel via Live Links dating service, detailing betrayals, infections, and failed encounters across multiple episodes.
- Chinese pussy like takeout; cheap and easy, don't want it next day.
- Jewish guy ghosted me; makes 6,000,001 references (Holocaust joke).
- Most attractive looking unconscious; chug Nyquil to look sexy.
- Extended 18-minute interview about Teresa's sexual exploits with three Angels on Live Links.
- Teresa reveals yeast infection cum story with explicit details.
- Matthew Broussard adds Jewish Passover joke to Teresa's yeast infection material.
- Hallelujah sound effect discovered during interview when Teresa mentions parking lot sex.
Alex Reyes
Set: Alex performs clean, well-executed material about DWI class, T-Mobile Tuesday pride socks, self-checkout savings, and outdated network carrier jokes. Professional delivery and strong timing.
Interview: Alex reveals first comedy experience, works door-to-door solar sales, discusses T-Mobile network quality at length, notes it's his birthday, and reveals MS (multiple sclerosis) caused him to lose pinkies affecting guitar playing.
- Went to upgrade phone; offered rainbow pride socks; said no because don't want T-Mobile known.
- Saving money by using self-checkout at stores.
- Tony and panel praise Alex's clean, professional comedy after Teresa's explicit set.
- Alex reveals today is his birthday; offered Teresa's services as joke.
- Alex reveals MS caused him to lose pinkies affecting guitar ability.
Set: William, returning after Hawaii, performs about the Carly Russell kidnapping, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles absurdist logic, and Master Shredder funding conspiracy. High-energy with strong punchlines.
Interview: William discusses new acting role in Hawaii-based Rescue 911 remake, hemorrhoid recovery (grape-sized now vs. tennis ball), new $5000 Foghorn Leghorn tattoo, and brief romantic history with Matthew Broussard during mental health crisis.
- Carly Russell case: William was balding orange-headed man who kidnapped her (not a joke).
- TMNT weird because turtles are ninjas, protagonist is plumber, sibling also plumber.
- Master Shredder gets funding from George Soros; TMNT in sewers suspicious.
- William reveals brief but intense romantic history with Matthew Broussard.
- William discusses new Hawaii-based Rescue 911 acting role starting.
- William celebrates hemorrhoid recovery; now grape-sized instead of tennis ball.