Kill Tony #700 — Whitney Cummings, Kam Patterson

Set: Set about growing up in Alaska during nuclear threat era, jumping under desks, and a Japanese man who survived both Hiroshima and Nagasaki by hiding under desks. Joke about building big desks over houses instead.

Interview: Discussed 3 years of comedy experience, mostly longer jokes, living in Tacoma Washington, his mixed ethnicity (Japanese, white, Native Hawaiian, black), stay-at-home dad status, girlfriend who sells luxury cruises, history of opium and Vicodin use, and smoking weed wax blunts.

Set: Set about being a ladies man from Austin, just returned after 14 years in Hawaii feeding homeless cats, recently bought a run-down house in East Austin between mansions. Jokes about practicing comedy in front of cats, ambidextrous masturbation, squatting neighbors.

Interview: Discussed his first time doing standup, feeding 2 million homeless cats in Hawaii on most dangerous street in Honolulu, being banished from Hawaii, writing a book about University of Texas, owning six cats from Hawaii, plan to rent private jet to bring hundreds more, gag reflex issues, and homophobic remarks from panel about his appearance.

Set: Set about driving 18 hours from Indiana, joke about 80-year-old women tasting like depends, brother buying 8-year-old a shotgun, retaliatory birthday gift of 1992 dirty magazine to 16-year-old nephew.

Interview: Discussed driving from Indiana, first standup 14 years ago at friend's surprise party, used to teach middle school then bartended at Irish pub, owned Bobby T's restaurant (sold during COVID), worked in 'scratch kitchen' making expensive fried pickles, ghost pepper mozzarella balls, plays drums in band called Rodeo.

Set: Strong set about different cultures' 'freak offs' - white lifestyle parties, Mexican keening sierras with young girls joke, Asian sweatshops, condom allergies, lambskin condoms easily shot through like Trump security, dating Black men with white women jokes.

Interview: Discussed 3.5 years standup in Portland Oregon, born in Berlin Germany (near Hitler's death place), going to school to become clinical psychologist graduating this year, served 12 years as Army Ranger, passionate about mental health, planning 30-50 minute sets, offered automatic spot next Monday.

Set: Set about moving to Austin a year ago, every weekend is a parade/march because city is 'so gay,' childhood insult vs. modern party, pushing beds together joke, three guys two beds with Benji in middle 'cancels out gayness,' references shared Comedy Store memories with Tony.

Interview: 17-year friendship with Tony Hinchcliffe starting at Comedy Store, lived together 18 years ago, discussed bicycle crash where Tony cradled his head midair at Comedy Store, Water Burger incident in Portland Texas with police, met The Undertaker, recovering from New Year's Eve show.

Set: Set featuring Italian Bill Cosby impression, jokes about not watching news, Bill Cosby being out of prison potentially Italian, Shel Silverstein as Jewish Turtle name, Wyoming/Yao Ming confusion at PF Chang, avoiding Yellowstone, says 'that's ridiculous.'

Interview: Been doing standup almost 4 years, started in Virginia barely, on show 3 years ago, still works at restaurant, plays saxophone for Lucas McCusker's show called 'The Absolute Show' at The Creek, plays basketball, gets high and plays chess poorly, buys weird sweatpants, lazy love life.

Set: Set about dating Black woman, looking like he needs to pay for sex, couple's sex card game with 'tie up and whip' instruction, racial dynamic hesitation, girlfriend calls him Toby, girlfriend always late blamed on 'colored people time,' punchline about cotton picking minute.

Interview: Third time on show, lost 41 pounds, works at dispensary on Sixth Street in Austin, break-in robbery with crowbar, used pepper spray on robber, robber bled out and died a block away, incident day Lions beat Cowboys, stolen goods worth ~$200 and weed.

Set: Set about strong independent women in male-dominated fields/positions, recent Wisconsin school shooter girl, contrasted with getting high in bathroom at 15, difference between Catholic and public school girls.

Interview: Former stripper stage name Mercedes, works as compliance officer for cannabis company in Michigan, lives in 35-foot camper with dog, hiked frequently, from West Michigan, 28 years old, goals to travel and own cannabis consulting business, came to Austin specifically to do Kill Tony.

Set: Set with racist/sexist material: men better at sports/war/movies (Ghostbusters/Ocean's 11), glad Trump won so Asians get wall protection, Asian person in New Orleans couldn't kill as many as Asian hitting wall, joke about having [ __ ] through his eyes/constipation.

Interview: Went to Zilker Park, flew drone, dog bit drone, replaced propellers easily, loves flying drones as Asian (no traffic to hit), discussed bad gag reflex, can't wear grill due to throat issues, vomited from gagging before, gagged at HB Arena, vomited in water bottle while vaping 3 weeks ago.