Kill Tony #536 — William Montgomery
Guests: William Montgomery
Lineup
Set: Hans performs observational comedy about scissoring terminology, Chinese food/wet markets, and coronavirus hospital construction. Set includes edgy racial humor about China and discusses living in a van with significant savings.
Interview: Hans discusses living in a van, dumping pee bottles at parks, his $16k savings, and mentions recently moving out of a friend's house. Topics include his free gym trial and general lifestyle in Austin.
- Why is scissoring called that when it doesn't involve scissors?
- Chinese wet markets and building hospitals in 10 days due to eating bats.
- People afraid to blame China for coronavirus to avoid appearing racist.
- Hans reveals he dumped pee bottle at creek field park and has $16k saved while living in van.
- Tony jokes about Hans being on a hanukkah diet based on his frugal lifestyle.
Set: Mario performs jokes about woke culture, blue-haired girls, non-binary video games, and LA versus Texas attitudes. Set includes material about mortal kombat fatalities and Madden 21.
Interview: Mario discusses being 2.5 years into comedy, living 10 minutes north of Austin with girlfriend he met during pandemic visit, works at CM Smokehouse, girlfriend in hair school and also a comedian. Reveals he sent semen in a tube to a girl via mail at age 14.
- Blue-haired girls used to like being choked, now offended by curse words.
- Non-binary version of Mortal Kombat would say finish they/them before fatalities.
- Only way to play man beating up women in games is Madden 21.
- Mario's semen-in-tube mailing story revealed; Tony calls his mom live on air.
- Mario's mother briefly engaged on phone call but doesn't remember or discuss the incident.
Mike Ivy
Set: Mike performs material about being a weird Black guy who likes Magic the Gathering and collard greens. Jokes about trans women and men, and makes Nicaragua pronunciation joke.
Interview: Mike discusses working security for the Ron White show and doing DoorDash, living in a condo with an older woman roommate, being ranked 24th in Magic the Gathering in Ohio, and driving a Scion xB.
- Trans women are women mostly because they won't shut up about it.
- Trans men: too busy getting laid and changing oil like real men.
- White person going to Nicaragua with eight Black guys will wonder if they're lazy.
- Tony reveals Mike was previously on the show and mentions finding magic cards reference.
- Mike mentions washing his female roommate's feet for charity.
Nathan Guevera
Set: Jared performs about childhood stuttering, whipping pants until age 14, father's drug addiction, and Instagram disability filters. Material involves wordplay and personal anecdotes.
Interview: Jared, a Canadian visiting from mental hospital COVID screening position, discusses his stutter, raps freestyle on stage, gets Santa Claus promise of PS5, plans to stay until December 14th, loves barbecue and Tim Hortons, went to Buffalo for chicken wings.
- Stuttering history with cartoons as role models, whipping pants through childhood.
- Father as drug addict nurturer; wanted to become prescription opioids.
- Instagram has down syndrome filter explaining able-bodied people wanting disability.
- Jared raps freestyle on stage after being asked to demonstrate rapping ability.
- Santa Claus sits Jared on his lap and promises PS5 as Christmas gift.
- Guaranteed additional spot on next week's show due to Canadian visitor status.
Set: Scott performs about toxic masculinity in dating, coming out as bi/gay, identifying as JV gay, gold star gays judging bisexuals. Goes over time limit and gets cut off.
Interview: Scott, 31, from Pittsburgh living in Austin 6 years, working as paralegal from home, plays guitar and sings, started comedy during pandemic due to boredom, previously singer-songwriter in band, looking for meaningful relationship after being single.
- Coming out as bi harder than coming out as gay to father.
- Identifies as JV gay: gay enough for sex with men, not enough for gold star.
- Gold star gays look down on bisexuals calling them dabblers or half breeders.
- Scott goes over 60-second time limit and gets cut off by Tony.
- Scott attempts to sing 'Should Have Been a Cowboy' to band; goes poorly.
Chad Jay
Set: Chad performs about Austin mixing Vegas, western, and San Francisco culture, aging and sexual dysfunction, gray beard, and dick's bedtime now. Material includes Pulp Fiction adrenaline shot reference.
Interview: Chad, 35, from Oakland lived in Brooklyn 10 years, moved to Austin 6 months ago after breaking up with OCD girlfriend of 6 years who required odd-numbered departure times. Works construction building custom homes, does DoorDash, performs comedy, recently hooked up with girls via pool.
- Austin like Vegas, western movie, and San Francisco had an orgy.
- Getting older: dick still works but has a bedtime now.
- Dick needs Pulp Fiction adrenaline shot or roleplay with police.
- Chad discusses ex-girlfriend's severe OCD requiring odd-numbered departure times.
- Chad's ex-girlfriend moved to Austin with new boyfriend right after his move.
- Tony and panel accuse Chad of veiled threats toward ex-girlfriend.
Set: Anastasia performs about ending long-term relationship as economic enslavement, observes single women seeking kings and queens, prefers peasant love, discusses Alabama/English incest culture casually.
Interview: Anastasia, 6 months into comedy, from San Antonio, moved to Austin during pandemic, postpartum doula and newborn care specialist, taking break for bartending job, father was cannabis farmer/drug dealer who died, cat Tolstoy poisoned by neighbor, single and on 'fuckboy diet', meets people naturally.
- Long-term relationship is American economic enslavement where partners hate each other.
- Single women wanting kings/queens shows they failed history; prefers peasant love.
- Peasants know how to party better than royalty in relationships.
- Anastasia reveals father was cannabis farmer/drug dealer who died; cat also died.
- Tony offers to connect Anastasia with bar managers in audience for bartending job.
Set: William performs movie comparisons using 'Beasts of No Nation' as baseline joke (comparing to Cool Runnings, Last King of Scotland, Blood Diamond), makes NFT slave joke, parodies Neil Young as 'Neil Old'.
Interview: William discusses just beating San Andreas after 42 hours, working out with his GTA character instead of real life, plan to play Halo 4 and GTA Vice City next, hemorrhoid status improved using prune juice, thoughts of jumping off apartment ledge (joking), opening for Joe Rogan, struggles reading jokes without notes.
- Beasts of No Nation makes other films look like comedies by comparison.
- 3D NFTs but they're slaves joke about blockchain and slavery.
- Parody of Neil Young called Neil Old based on phrase similarity.
- William admits he made mistakes with joke ordering and delivery of Beasts jokes.
- William discusses 42-hour San Andreas gameplay and character gym sessions versus real life.
- William mentions prune juice causing bathroom issues and joking about jumping off apartment.