Tam Pham
Tam Pham has performed on Kill Tony 16 times. Every appearance below, with set summaries and timestamps.
Appearances
Tam performed in an unusual format where Jeremiah Watkins mouthed/voiced the jokes while Tam performed physical comedy, covering Asian suicide rates, iPhone ownership, and a fetus-unlocking-phone joke about determining baby gender.
- Asian suicide rates low except iPhone factory workers
- Determines baby gender by inserting locked phone into vagina
- Doesn't care if Chinese people die because iPhone technology is cool
Tam does jokes about his big ears earning him the nickname Dumbo as a kid, being compared to Bruce Lee and Free Willie, his disdain for cheap Japanese restaurants with B health ratings, and ends with a controversial diss on Filipinos.
- Dumbo and Bruce Lee comparisons for big ears and being Asian.
- Free Willie joke about whale nudity and hidden genitalia.
- Japanese restaurant with B health rating; never seen Asians get a B.
Tam discusses his unfortunate name combination (Tam + Pham), his stubbornness, and jokes about Dr. Seuss references and being the only Asian person with a Hitler haircut.
- Mom named him Tam despite marrying man with last name Pham out of stubbornness
- Only good reason to name kid Tam Pham is if you lost bet to Dr. Seuss
- Asian person with Hitler haircut - unique look nobody has seen before
Self-described intensely shy person. Joke about genes making him short, brown eyes, and terrified of Black people. Positive Black role models on TV (LeVar Burton, Jaleel White, Bill Posey). Denies being afraid despite contradiction.
- Genes make him short, brown eyes, terrified of Black people
- TV role models LeVar Burton, Jaleel White, Bill Posey helped
Tam jokes about being unable to do certain comedy bits due to his ethnicity, attempting role-play to 'stop being Asian' by counting to three. He makes a joke about his knees not supporting average-sized penis weight.
- Stops being Asian by miscounting to three, jokes about bad math
- My knees can't support average-sized penis weight
Self-deprecating jokes about being a terrible Asian driver with a blue Hyundai Accent. Describes his mother as the worst driver combining Asian, old, female, nearsighted, and immigrant traits.
- Blue Hyundai Accent is not the kind of accent women are attracted to
- Mom is terrifying combo of Asian, old, female, nearsighted, immigrant
Three-month old comic with jokes about being an introvert, Japanese businessman pedophilia reference, homophobic Whole Foods shoppers, cologne allergies at Armenian parties. Wore custom Tam Pham shirt.
- Happy as Japanese businessman at middle school cheerleader car wash
- Homophobic shopping at Whole Foods as illogical as cologne allergy at Armenian party
Tam jokes about Asian comedian stereotypes like doing parent impressions, following Black people in liquor stores, and his abusive father. Closes with joke comparing himself to garbage being burned.
- Congress passed Margaret Cho law requiring Asian comics to do parent impressions
- Following Black people around liquor stores because they're rude
- Father is human garbage; would rather cremate himself than pay for his funeral
Observational comedy about social anxiety, dating struggles, and Asian stereotypes. Tam Pham did 41 seconds; joked about rarely dating and family dynamics.
- Never pays for sex means never has sex, like Magic Johnson with blood
- Brother into trends, would call him Filipino wigger but that term doesn't exist
Comedy about his father's Vietnamese name (An Van Pham), how he named himself upon arriving in the US, and references to Jean-Claude Van Damme.
- Father's name is An Van Pham, only real part; he named himself poorly.
- Never refers to himself as Van Damme fan despite loving Jean-Claude Van Damme movies.
Personal story about growing up Asian in the Valley and getting a perm at age 9 when his mother didn't realize how it would look. Jokes about being called 'Diary of Japan Frank' at school for having a Jewish afro with big ears.
- Getting a perm as an Asian kid led to being called 'Diary of Japan Frank'
Tam discusses rapid weight loss from 160 to 120 pounds after quitting job, jokes about being too skinny to attract anyone except pedophiles, then pivots to 72 virgins Islamic paradise joke with unexpected punchline.
- Lost 40 pounds in 3 months; set unofficial world record for skinniest loss.
- Too skinny and short, only attractive to pedophiles as a result.
- Converting to Islam for 72 virgins would make him 73rd virgin.
Set about not talking to real women in 5 weeks, talking to Siri more, doesn't have iPhone, never getting laid, no one thanking him for pineapple juice, wishes socks could talk but they're stuck together.
- Hasn't talked to real woman in 5 weeks, talks to Siri more than women
- Nobody has ever thanked me for all the pineapple juice that I drink
- Wishes his socks could talk but they're stuck together
Set about auto-erotic asphyxiation, poor relationship with father, and darkly comedic goal of putting dad in nice retirement home then moving him to terrible one.
- Auto-erotic asphyxiation while masturbating is appealing because it embarrasses parents
- Dream is to put dad in nice retirement home then dump him in shitty one
Tam discusses his parents' disappointment at losing a spelling bee in second grade, his Vietnamese father's harsh reaction, his father now burning in hell (metaphorically in Fresno), and observes that only Filipinos seem to have ADHD or dyslexia among Asians.
- Second place in spelling bee leads to disappointed drive home with Vietnamese dad.
- Father now burning in hell (living in Fresno); only Filipinos have ADHD among Asians.
Self-deprecating humor about dating failures and lack of success with women. Jokes about praying for normal-sized ears, avoiding "killer bees" (blondes with bangs and opinions), humor about Twitter handle merch.
- Paid $15 for t-shirt with Twitter handle; cost included losing any chance of sex.
- Success with women comparable to praying for human-sized ears; avoids killer bees.