Kill Tony #777 — Myles Johnson, Fuzzy Khilji
Guests: Myles Johnson · Fuzzy Khilji
Lineup
Brian Randell
PanelSet: Drew Nickels performs a preacher character discussing his Mormon upbringing, leaving the church, rejoining after brain damage, and a baptism for sexual favors from a woman selling solar panels.
Interview: Discussion about Mormon life, Mountain Dew, his Taco Bell diet of spicy potato burritos and bean tacos, and a girl he dated who ghosted him for a fellow comedian.
- Left Mormon church because they didn't let Black people into heaven
- Got baptized for blow job from solar panel saleswoman
- Got holy ghosted after baptism when woman blocked him on Myspace
- Tony jokes about Drew being shaped like a salmon
- Fuzzy reveals his girlfriend left him for Drew Nickels
Set: Robert Stewart discusses being pro-life unless pregnant with his own kid, recently getting charges expunged, buying a gun, comparing comedy to narcotics anonymous.
Interview: Extended interview about Robert's assault and battery charges, meth and benzodiazepine use, 13-hour masturbation session in an attic on Halloween, and his son inspiring him to return to comedy.
- Pro-life unless it's his own kid; $500 trip to Kansas saves lifetime hurt
- Buying a gun compared to ordering at coffee shop with ex-girlfriend
- Comedy like Narcotics Anonymous; wondering who'll overdose or kill themselves first
- Admits to 13-hour masturbation session in friend's attic on Halloween while on meth and benzos
- Discusses athlete's penis condition from scratching after marathon masturbation
- Reveals son inspired return to comedy after one-year break
Set: Eddie discusses being a former drug addict with heroin spoon tattoo, dismissing stereotypes about drug use causing homosexuality, comparing addiction to other habits.
Interview: Eddie reveals he's been sober for three years, bartends, produces shows, attempted coffee date didn't go well, hasn't dated or kissed anyone in three years, plays online poker poorly.
- Don't have spoon tattoo because he loves soup, not for drug use
- Never seen $100/gram or five kisses for drugs; no drug makes you gay
- Cocaine key to closet doesn't make you need women in pursuit
- Crowd attempts to get woman to kiss Eddie after three years without kissing
- USA-jersey woman gives Eddie first kiss in three years
Set: Fumio discusses UTEP sports failures, gold-digging girls, Mexican identity, and his family's deportation concerns while comparing to his university's athletic struggles.
Interview: Fumio discusses his three jobs, 'way' as filler word, meeting girlfriend at UTEP, getting healthcare in Juarez Mexico, relationship with girlfriend Sofia, and Love Island in the bedroom.
- UTEP Miners sucks because football team gets molested every weekend
- Should deport football players not Mexican cousins who at least touch down
- UTEP girls only want him for FAFSA money
- Miles Johnson makes Django Unchained reference in response to Fumio
- Fumio says he goes to Mexico for healthcare, says American doctors are 'Indians'
- Fumio whistles Mexican melody
Teresa
Set: Teresa performs edgy material about fucking illegal immigrants, using N-word, freeing slaves, wet pussy jokes, and period blood references.
Interview: Teresa reveals she's half-Chinese half-white, born in Malaysia, worked in education until fired after being on Kill Tony, now does landscaping and house cleaning, has boyfriend for month and a half.
- Relationship with illegal ends by saying it went south so are you
- When will we free the N-word like we freed slaves
- My pussy soaking wet with period blood
- Teresa mentions being fired from education job after previous Kill Tony appearance
- Reveals boyfriend of month and a half doesn't love her
- Teresa discusses psych ward admission after shroom trip, running around naked doing cartwheels
Set: Joel performs practical joker jokes about casinos, prosthetics, and gun shops, asking for one bullet then two bullets after paying in cash.
Interview: Joel is 59, returns for second week in a row, discusses death of friend John Mulrooney from black ice, mom is 89 with boyfriend, had vasectomy at 32 to avoid accidental pregnancy.
- Practical joke asking guy with prosthetic arm haven't you lost enough
- Asks gun shop for handgun then one bullet then two bullets
- Dated heavy model, couldn't have sex, afraid of heights on top
- Joel appears for second week in a row, rare occurrence, Tony coaches him
- Discusses friend John Mulrooney's death slipping on black ice
- Tony praises Joel for continuing to be funny during interview section
Set: Dedrick discusses being arrested in Japan and released, returning to America, being called weak for time in jail, cars without AC and manual windows, wiping windows with shirts in rain.
Interview: Dedrick spent 23 days in Japanese jail, made friends with cops and got sensei, discussed squandered opportunity, watched Shrek verbatim in his head during jail, has 500 niggas in his brain.
- Country too soft if automatic windshield wipers exist for rain
- Manual windows on old cars during rain, wipe with shirt, looks like crab boil
- Jail is cool, thought about everything, watched Shrek in head verbatim
- Dedrick attempts to catch a fly with chopsticks on stage
- D Madness bass player references Dedrick as blind samurai
- Tony coaches Dedrick not to explain himself too much
Ty Wynn
Set: Ty discusses drinking PBR for 11 years of comedy, eating booty for lack of funds, brother is parkour artist, sister is gastroenterologist who can smell farts.
Interview: Ty been on show since LA, signed up thinking Kanye would be on panel, performs rap about sex in exchange for food, hosts Tuesday show at Green Room, looks for headlining spots.
- Drinking PBR for 11 years because not for taste like eating booty
- Brother is parkour artist throwing parents' dreams out window
- Sister is gastroenterologist can smell farts tell how many months you got
- Ty performs original rap about trading sex for food
- Fuzzy and Miles stay quiet while Ty roasts them from stage
- Ty mentions Kanye West as reason for signing up
Set: Uncle G, 68-year-old Atlanta comedian, discusses 54 years of sexual experience, current 69-year-old girlfriend, sex move called '138' (69 with 69-year-old), cougar/saber tooth joke.
Interview: Uncle G started comedy at 57, was mortgage banker, does suicide awareness speaking after brothers' suicides, wrote book 'Ballad of Uncle G', dated schizophrenic woman with two personalities, three divorces cost him million.
- Been slapping ass 54 years from jailbait to GILF, now great-great-grandmother fucker
- Girlfriend 69 is cougar; at her age she's saber tooth tiger
- Sex move 138 is 69 with a 69-year-old woman
- Uncle G awarded golden ticket for first-time appearance
- Tony extends interview unusually long with Uncle G
- Uncle G discusses three ex-wives and expensive divorces
Set: Chris discusses putting Airbnb on credit card and friends reimbursing with suggestive Cash App memos, ex-girlfriend finding messages about blowjobs, $5 as cheap price.
Interview: Chris has been doing comedy three years, appeared on show with Tom Segura and Cheryl Underwood, drank competitively with professional wrestlers including Sammy Guevara, wore luchador mask during sex.
- Friends reimburse Airbnb with fake sex payment memos on Cash App
- Ex-girlfriend finds Cash App receipt for $5 blowjob from friend Rick
- $5 is hell of a deal way cheaper than looking at it
- Tony compares Chris following Uncle G to shitty opening after great closer
- Chris mentions being on show previously with Tom Segura and Cheryl Underwood
Karen Jones
Set: Karen discusses family peeing in shower, son's shock at learning, doesn't want to mention father's masturbation, son now manages strip clubs, thoughts on old people having sex.
Interview: Karen involved in January 6 Capitol event, describes it as guided tour, released video footage showing police hitting her, lives near Neverland Ranch and Reagan Ranch in Santa Ines, building comedy club.
- Oldest son didn't know people pee in shower, got mad about it
- Son now manages strip clubs, didn't become sexual deviant from shower masturbation
- Old people having sex is sickening, walked in on grandparents twice
- Admits to being at January 6, describes as guided tour, video released showing police hitting her
- Tony makes joke comparing Karen to Conjuring, looks like canary through coal mine
- Tony tells Karen her set was 'god awful' but loves her