Fiona Cauley
Fiona Cauley has performed on Kill Tony 9 times, winning a golden ticket. Every appearance below, with set summaries and timestamps.
Appearances
Fiona discusses thinking she was dying at 18, having one-night stands, only dating black men to sneak out easily. Uses wheelchair accessibility as punchline.
- Diagnosed dying at 18, rolled into as much dick as possible
- Only dated black men because easier to sneak out of house
- Partner was 12 inches, that's why she's in wheelchair
Fiona discusses a trip to France where an Uber driver complimented her slow speech while learning English, and jokes about Duolingo.
- Uber driver in France compliments her slow English speech while learning.
- Duolingo can perform oral sex because of her speaking speed feedback.
Nashville native and Kill Tony regular in wheelchair. Jokes about disabled hierarchy, bathroom independence equals street cred. Comments on Southern saying 'God gives toughest battles to strongest warriors'—from her perspective, audience looks weak.
- Disabled hierarchy: harder to use bathroom = more street cred; scooters get priority
- Southern saying 'God gives toughest battles to strongest warriors'—y'all look weak
Fiona joked about getting engaged, using her Make a Wish, marrying an older fiancé, and giving him road head with hazards on. Material was sharp and personal to her situation.
- Make a Wish allowed her to marry John Cena, actually older fiancé.
- Giving road head to older fiancé, he turns hazard lights on.
Fiona discusses being in a wheelchair and not being seen as a threat to other women's relationships. Makes jokes about sucking dick, head in the chair, and allergy season.
- Women don't see her as a threat to their relationships because she's in a chair.
- Doesn't suck dick during allergy season because it's dangerous.
Dating while disabled, men love women who can't run away, wheelchair progression, 16-year-old self reaction to current situation.
- Men love women that can't run away reference
- 16-year-old self would ask why in wheelchair now
Material about lazy cheating ex-boyfriend, condom arguments, and convincing him disability was contagious. Disability representation in comedy.
- Lied about contagious disability to end condom argument with ex.
- Cheating ex showed minimal effort even in infidelity.
Fiona joked about cobblestone concerns when becoming wheelchair-bound being public masturbation, doing donuts, and losing 10 pounds of muscle because she's dying.
- Cobblestone as public masturbation opportunity in wheelchair doing donuts
- Lost 10 pounds of muscle because I'm dying
Fiona, using a wheelchair due to Friedreich's Ataxia, joked about people not noticing her great ass and bragged about making men unable to walk the next day.
- People don't realize how great her ass is from wheelchair
- Looking for man who bugs her so good she can't walk