Todd Royce
Todd Royce has performed on Kill Tony 11 times, winning a golden ticket. Every appearance below, with set summaries and timestamps.
Appearances
Todd tells a shocking story about being shown how to masturbate by his third stepdad at age 13, framing it as molestation with dark humor about his inability to perform and his mother's multiple marriages.
- Dale (stepdad) wasn't even erect during molestation, making it worse performance-wise.
- If you show me your dick, I'm gonna talk about it (snitches get stitches).
Todd discusses his weird relationship with his mom, including a crude joke about Miss Piggy and sexual misunderstandings. He references therapy and getting erections watching Muppets.
- Mom confuses 'fog' (cum) with 'frog' in Miss Piggy joke at 69
- Argues with mom about sexual habits of Muppets as 16-year-old virgin
Set about his shih tzu poodle mix and losing control of bowels, naming it 'ship poo', wanting a pit bull, and defending pit bull training abilities.
- Shih tzu poodle mix with no bowel control nicknamed 'ship poo' like grandma
- Best defense against pit bull attack is shoving thumb up dog's ass
Marriage humor including wife wanting to cheat, choking jokes, lack of knowledge about parenting, and commentary on not conforming to group stereotypes regardless of identity.
- Wife learning to be on top and wanting to try other things in bed
- People don't have to conform to all rules of their identity group
Todd's golden ticket winner set about not being great at sex and his declining sexual performance as he ages. Self-deprecating humor about body image.
- Wife is amazing at sex but he's not good at it.
- Thought older and fatter would mean bigger cock, was wrong.
Todd joked about ordering oversized shirt, Jeffrey Dahmer glasses, weight caused by mother, and wife knowing his penis better than he does. Self-deprecating weight humor.
- Ordered 5XL shirt and company called to confirm typo; replied type two
- Mother let him eat whatever, including growing his own tits
Todd (Golden Ticket winner) joked about pronouns, being married ending dating opportunities, comparing himself to Lizzo/Rebel Wilson if they went wrong. Discussed dad bod and being 400 pounds.
- Being named Brad gives free pass to douchebag behavior like bringing vodka Red Bull to baby shower.
- Bugging girlfriend for road head, she surprised him on 99 bus.
- Playing 'Winnie the Pooh' game: walks around naked in t-shirt calling girlfriend Piglet.
Todd performs material about his mother's five marriages, his wife's criticism, arguments in his 12-year marriage, and the absurdity of unsolicited dick pics, ending with a story about sending himself photos.
- Mom married 5 times; I've had more dads than girlfriends
- 12-year marriage means more arguments than sex, wife criticizes everything
- Only person I've sent a dick pic to is myself just to check in
Todd jokes about looking like Kurt Cobain with donuts, doctor telling him he has high blood pressure and pre-diabetes, and doctor saying he'll take pills for life instead of losing weight.
- Looks like Kurt Cobain but likes putting donuts in mouth instead of bullets
- Doctor says take pills for life; no mention of losing weight as option
Strong set with jokes about new job boss asking to see his dick, being fat and unprotected class, Jesus with thyroid problem look, Obi Wan Kenobi reference. Excellent delivery, received quarter standing ovation.
- Boss said 'show me your dick,' responded 'me too' to sexual harassment
- Fat people aren't protected class yet, could be kept out by wall
- Growing hair out, looks like Jesus with thyroid problem or Obi Wan Kenobi
No set recap for this appearance.