Kill Tony #299 — Todd Glass
Guests: Todd Glass
Lineup
Set: Kristy proposes a plan to make prostitution legal and have sex workers distract police officers. She discusses her moves to LA and previous failed comedy career attempts.
Interview: Discussed her four-and-a-half years of comedy, moves from New York to Baltimore to LA, her horoscope writing job, and a past suicide attempt. Todd and the panel provided supportive coaching.
- Prostitutes form nonprofit to seduce police officers into submission
- Lusty prostitutes provide benefits like dental care to turn cops passive
- Todd gives genuine compliment about her performance comfort level
- Tony addresses suicide attempt sensitively, redirects to positive framing
Set: William performs a comedic whistling bit with his brother about Christmas classics, interspersed with dark family moments involving an alcoholic father. Ends with a non-sequitur about lupus.
Interview: William tells increasingly absurd lies (Legos stock, water park death, MS-13 prison gang, Dolly Parton lupus origin story). Panel struggles to determine what's true. Discussion of his fraternity pledge trip and herpes disclosure.
- Whistling Christmas songs interrupted by father drinking in cellar
- Sister's friend got lupus from sneezing on Kmart shopping cart
- Tony immediately identifies William as a liar after multiple false stories
- Panel acknowledges the absurdity as comedic entertainment despite lies
Set: Dee discusses dating in her 30s and the chalky vibe she gives off to men. She proposes a provocative solution involving suffocation and straddling during intimate encounters.
Interview: Reveals she works part-time as a court-appointed lawyer in New Orleans while pursuing acting. Has been in small roles and a Malibu Rum commercial. Does stand-up once a week.
- Men tell her she gives off a chalky vibe
- Proposes suffocating men during sex as solution to dating problems
- Tony provides tough coaching about choosing career priorities
Set: Julien discusses his famous boxer father from Congo, the difference between American and Congolese audiences who focus on water bottles, and learning English from stand-up comedy.
Interview: Revealed he was born in Belgium with Congo roots, speaks French and Lingala, works as an Uber driver, has girlfriend of three years, loves salsa dancing.
- Father was famous Congo boxer equivalent to first white man at cookout
- Congolese audiences focus on water bottles instead of comedy jokes
- Performs brief salsa dancing on stage
- Speaks Lingala phrase on request
Set: Patrick jokes about being Filipino and Irish, his clover-shaped penis, and white privilege accepting him as Filipino.
Interview: Tony expresses strong dislike for Patrick multiple times. Discussion of his Navy service as a jet mechanic and his fedora. Little personal development.
- His penis is shaped like a clover with stem and leaves
- Filipino identity conflicts with perceived white privilege
- Tony declares strong hatred for Patrick, calls him hateful multiple times
- Tony compares Patrick unfavorably to various celebrities and characters
- Tony suggests management/representation as potential positive development
Set: Alex discusses owning a snake named Reese Witherspoon, her career as a stripper named Viper in Florida, and a Papa Roach reference about sucking dick for five hundred dollars.
Interview: Recently moved from Chicago to LA. Worked as stripper during Fleet Week when Navy sailors visit, made $500 from sex work. Plans to walk dogs for income. Struggles with honesty in interview.
- Stripper name Viper with a Y, dances to Papa Roach
- Made $500 from sex work during Fleet Week with Navy
- Tony repeatedly tries to get Alex to answer honest questions, she deflects with jokes
- Tension over whether Alex will reveal her rent amount
Set: Malcolm delivers rapid-fire one-liners about jogging ankles, stop signs, and police. High-energy delivery with 13 jokes packed into 60 seconds.
Interview: From North Carolina, moved to LA two months ago. Recently met Ray Romano. Works delivering pizza with flexible schedule. Hired by owner who met him in 7-Eleven.
- Fat jogging people yelling for help from their ankles
- Won't listen to stop signs if they're just shapes with no words
- Thinks police cars are the acid kicking in
- Delivers 13 jokes in 60 seconds, exceptional comedic density
- Todd Glass praises his style and rapid-fire delivery
Set: Kim discusses being a professional dancer for rappers (not stripper), accidentally touching Diddy's penis during 2005 VMA rehearsal when trapped in venue during Hurricane Katrina preparations.
Interview: Canadian dancer and choreographer. Been doing stand-up three years. Trapped with Diddy, MC Hammer, Snoop during Hurricane Katrina VMA event. Now does choreography for musicals.
- Touched Diddy's penis at VMA while dancing, he encouraged more
- Being token white girl dancing for rappers is a union job
- Story of being trapped in VMA venue during Hurricane Katrina, paid overtime
- Discussion of almost breaking Guinness World Record for tap dancing speed
- Performs double wing tap dance move on stage
Set: Julian does observational bit about fish seeing wiggling bait repeatedly. Short, simple one-liner style with minimalist delivery.
Interview: Is 22 years old today (birthday). Not currently working, lives with aunt and uncle in LA. Uncle is a welder/works in door business. Moved from Florida. Parents don't know he does stand-up.
- Fish repeatedly get caught by wiggling bait, get thrown back
- Julian's birthday celebrated on air by panel and audience
- Tony facilitates call to uncle and aunt on speakerphone in Spanish
- Panel discusses Julian's apparent mental health or possible act