Kill Tony #342
Lineup
Set: McNat discusses the inconvenience of making abortion appointments, which led to having a baby. He works installing car alarms and has a 9-month-old child with his 25-year-old girlfriend.
Interview: Discussed his young age (24), relationship history, baby, job installing car alarms, and surfing hobby. Panel roasted his poor father potential.
- Thought abortion was drive-through, had to make appointment, so had baby instead.
- Tony and panel questioned his parenting ability given his age and irresponsibility
Set: Johnny Boy discusses porn category preferences and Inspector Gadget's untapped potential as an animated porn star with his extendable body parts.
Interview: 25 years old, works in his father's Irish rock-crushing equipment business in Napa Valley. Attended a Buddhist monastery in China for a month during an Asian Studies program.
- Inspector Gadget not featured in animated porn despite potential with extendable parts.
- Billionaire character took a phone call during set, Tony joked it was his disappointed father
Set: Patrick Allen jokes about starting an anal bleaching business using Clorox and a toothbrush, transitions to fart smells and considering dipping his nuts in buttered popcorn.
Interview: Lives in Chula Vista, washes dishes, completing DUI class after running from warrant for 3 years. Self-identified as involuntarily celibate, later voluntarily celibate.
- Started anal bleaching business with Clorox and toothbrush, trouble getting solid reputation.
- Farts smell like shit, but sometimes popcorn; considers dipping nuts in buttered popcorn.
- Patrick kissed Ali Makovski on stage for fake hundred dollar bills in exchange for first kiss in 6 years
- Revealed he ran from DUI warrant for 3 years, got caught on bicycle without headlight
Jordan
Set: Jordan discusses having lopsided breasts due to one checking out at age, comparing asymmetry to company bar graph. Makes jokes about ginger features and potential breastfeeding.
Interview: Female comedian, 2 years experience. Makes podcast called 'Mueller Investigation' about Trump investigation. Discussed politics, Hillary support, and Trump socks.
- One boob checked out, rests on body roll; asymmetrical like company bar graph with successful quarter.
- Political discussion turned contentious when Tony criticized her Mueller podcast focus
Set: Noah discusses looking like off-brand Kid Rock, being from Texas, and stereotypical Texas activities including ankle bracelets and cousin relationships.
Interview: Second-time performer, from small Texas town, lived in California 2 years. Works at Lowe's helping customers. Lives with black roommate for 1.5 years.
- Looks like off-brand Kid Rock; from Texas where you dip snuff and wear ankle bracelets.
- Panel roasted his appearance extensively comparing him to various degrading references
Set: Perry discusses being denied job at Asian restaurant for having too-narrow eyes. Manager showed yellow card indicating required eye shape.
Interview: First-time performer. Admitted to cheating system by putting name in bucket three times. Tony called out dishonesty and had him removed from stage.
- Applied at Asian restaurant, denied job for narrow eyes, shown yellow card like soccer.
- Tony stopped interview mid-way, called out Perry for cheating bucket system with three name entries, had him removed from stage
Andrew
Set: Andrew's first set discusses bathroom encounter with large bear-like man with unusual anatomy. Jokes about getting first tattoo of hair on butt.
Interview: First-time performer. House painter, married 3 years to girlfriend for 25 years (met in past). Came with sister and wife.
- In bathroom, saw huge guy with weird anatomy like anchor or propeller when pissing.
- Wants to tattoo hair on his ass so when he shaves/waxes it still looks like hair.
- Panel noted Andrew was shaking during interview; Tony encouraged future open mics
Set: William performed set about being in Ladybugs movie, addiction to ephedrine, and accidentally calling Texas narcotics officer while high claiming to be stuck in underwater cavern.
Interview: Regular performer, icon of show. Discussed Legionnaires disease claim, four years left to live, can't swim. Performed physical comedy impression of father.
- Was only male actor in all-female soccer movie Ladybugs; had to stop cocaine with Ja Rule.
- Called Texas narc on ephedrine thinking it was friend, claimed stuck in underwater cavern.
- Physical comedy impression of drunk father at third-grade soccer game; disappeared behind curtain
Caroline B
Set: Caroline announces symmetrical breasts, discusses past mental health hospitalization, then delivers dark jokes about hell and race.
Interview: First-time performer from actual audience. Registered patent agent for 2 years. Does yoga, owns two long-haired wiener dogs (10 and 11 years old). Married to transportation engineer for 2 years after 6-year relationship, ceremony in Vegas by Elvis.
- Wanted to be First Lady; means I married president of hookers instead.
- Why is everyone in hell black? Because of soot from eternal hellfire.
- Exceptional first-time set with smart improvisation and strong closing dark jokes