Ali Macofsky

Ali joked about having a weird voice from fat parents who always had mouths full, her loser parents, her dad smoking 40 inches of cigar daily, and mashed potato accent.

• Fat parents with full mouths affected voice—mashed potato accent from formative years
• Dad smokes five cigars daily, 40 inches total—smoking length of modest couch

No set recap for this appearance.

Story about crushing on Bobby for four years, he finally texts her, she shaves everything including pubic area as power move, does kegels before hookup, punchline that kegels don't improve sex.

• Shaves everything including toes and keeps pubic hair as power move
• Kegels like P90X for vagina but nobody gives high five after

Strong observational minute about crushing on Bobby, shaving prep, kegels before sex compared to gym-before-bodybuilding-competition. Detailed discussion of body hair including waxed butthole.

• Bobby texted at 10pm, Ali rushed to shave everything including hairy toes
• Kegels before sex like going to gym 30 mins before bodybuilding competition
• Never grateful for stubbed toe prevention from hair, same with butt stuff

Ali discusses cutting her hair and people assuming she has opinions, attending Coachella last minute and staying with a stranger, having older hot sisters and being the ugliest of three.

• Cut hair, now people assume I have opinions but I don't
• Ugly sister of two hot sisters, guys want pics of them

Ali performed about Starbucks hat codes allowing unique hat choices, mocking baristas wearing fedoras and feathered hats. She joked about not wanting to order from Criss Angel and preferring standard hat requirements.

• Starbucks baristas wearing fedoras with feathers; doesn't want to order from Criss Angel.
• Top hats only for hiding fedoras; it's not Hogwarts for hats.

21-year-old regular writing new minute weekly. Religious material: atheist mom who prays and believes in ghosts, Jewish identity for financial reasons, no positive ghost stories.

• Mom is atheist but prays and believes in ghosts contradictorily.
• Identifies as Jewish for financial advantage despite non-religious background.
• Porn industry should use slide whistle sound effects more often.

Macofsky describes accidentally watching VHS porn at age 7, becoming sexually aroused by spiders as a result, mentions eating spiders because she loves them, and jokes about wishing her mom had a fidget spinner instead of technical issues.

• Watched 80s porn on dad's VHS at 7; now gets horny seeing spiders.
• Eats spiders because she loves them; can't watch Spider-Man movies.
• Wishes mom had fidget spinner instead of technical issues requiring calls.

Macofsky opened with a 9/11 joke about cheap flights, then joked about his father's failed attempt to say the n-word after watching NWA, comparing it to workplace dynamics.

• 9/11 flights cheap; wishes terrorists targeted nicer vacation destinations.
• Father says n-word doesn't sound cool when he says it.

Ali performed about people thinking she's high due to her speech pattern, being invited to free slurpee day, stoners and their paranoia, and her memorable story of intentionally pooping her pants in Mexico to assert dominance over a waiter.

• People think she's high so don't expect her to be good at things
• Stoners think they're chill but alien conspiracies aren't relaxing
• Story about intentionally pooping pants in Guadalajara as revenge on rude waiter

No set recap for this appearance.

Ali did a dark minute about sleeping in her dad's room as a child with a pillow between them, questioning if he had inappropriate intentions, then joked about wanting him to be her sugar father instead of sugar daddy to avoid saying 'daddy'.

• Dad put pillow between us in bed, unclear if sexual tension or him protecting me
• Want dad as sugar father not sugar daddy to avoid saying daddy

Ali delivered a tight 60-second set full of jokes about her new haircut making her less narcissistic but more attractive, being objectified as a mannequin, not knowing art terminology, being slow at work because she's high all the time, and applying for a hotel cleaning job that appeals to her love of unsolved mysteries.

• Got haircut thinking it would make her less narcissistic but looks hotter.
• Being objectified as mannequin; only describes art as 'cool.'
• Applied for hotel cleaning job because she loves unsolved mysteries.

Ali's weekly new minute covers her father not liking Beyoncé and her coming out as Beyoncé, her new haircut making girls think she's gay and guys think she's feminist, and asking her mom to stop talking about her pussy, leading to mom suggesting she talk about her childhood trauma instead.

• Came out as Beyoncé after dad said he doesn't like her
• New haircut makes girls think she's gay, guys think she's a feminist
• Mom told her to stop talking about pussy, suggested talking about trauma instead

Macofsky performs weekly new material about Accutane acne treatment, physical appearance standards, and anecdote about deaf Uber driver using excessive hand gestures.

• Accutane first month personality phase and people's coping mechanisms.
• Deaf Uber driver using excessive hand gestures, passenger confusion.
• Long second toe people claiming it means creativity, not cope.

Set about how Monday gets too much credit for being bad when every day is terrible. Observation about restaurant small talk being limited to discussing hunger and fullness.

• Monday gets too much credit; all days suck equally, people wish to hang themselves
• Restaurant small talk only about hunger before eating and fullness after eating

No set recap for this appearance.

Jokes about getting rear-ended in Uber pool, trying anal sex unsuccessfully (guy couldn't get it in), taking acne medication for 5 years, upcoming breakup. Self-deprecating humor about relationships and body autonomy.

• Got rear-ended in Uber pool, not a euphemism
• Took acne pill for 5 years, longest relationship she's had

No set recap for this appearance.

Set about attraction to animalistic men due to first love being a dog, lack of orgasm during sex, doggy style position analysis, sexual compatibility issues.

• Attracted to animalistic men because first love was her dog Sandy
• Men do doggy style so they don't see her face with acne
• Can't orgasm so unwilling to do work required for it

Material about Google search results for bisexuality, checking orgasm status during sex, Googling acne color clothing, vaginal herpes vs acne confusion, loose/lose wordplay about partner leaving.

• Googled how to tell if bisexual as teenager; now Googles if she's come during sex.
• During sex thought she was coming but didn't push guy; described as 'lose-lose' situation.
• Googled acne color shirt, also Googled vaginal herpes, worried it's acne migrating south.

Ali is a Kill Tony regular returning from New York City. Her set discusses faking orgasms, not knowing when sex is supposed to end, and a Valentine's Day incident where a guy she was fucking didn't buy her McDonald's but her dad bought her dog a Valentine's gift.

• Fakes orgasms because doesn't know when sex is supposed to stop.
• Guy she's dating didn't buy her McDonald's on Valentine's.

Ali discusses having two attractive single sisters and showing photos to potential dates, framing shots to highlight sister's body parts. She discusses dating app experiences and a first date attempt with anal sex that went poorly.

• Shows pictures of sisters to dates, frames shots to highlight butt stuff interest
• Hard as woman and comedian to hook up because guys ask if you'll talk about it

Ali does sexual material about being told she has body of 16th century painting and becoming clingy, not liking mouths but finding them convenient, with emphasis on cleanup and tightness benefits.

• Guy said she had body of 16th century painting, became clingy without having sex
• Doesn't like mouths but they're convenient, infomercial for mouth: tight, easy cleanup

Ali performed about having a sex dream involving her father, awkward hugging, wet dreams about microwaved mac and cheese, and a callback punchline about eating mac and cheese off her dad's body.

• Had wet dream about microwaved mac and cheese, climaxed at timer
• Only likes mac and cheese eaten off her dad's body
• Won't hug dad after having sex dream about him

Ali jokes about being unable to orgasm but having heavy vaginal discharge. Guys think it's attraction, but it's unrelated. Went to gynecologist who suggested diet change but Ali misunderstands as eating out of her vagina. Set is crude and confident.

• Can't orgasm but discharge a lot, guys think it's them
• Gynecologist said change diet like she's eating out of her vagina

No set recap for this appearance.

Comedy about trying to be cool joining youth group in 9th grade, Christian sleepaway camp backfiring, and Drake saying the n-word instead of kike as half-Jewish/half-Black artist.

• Thought Christian youth camp would make her popular; only got baptized instead.
• Started listening to Drake because she's a white girl and that's how we form personalities.
• Drake is half-Jewish half-Black; wishes he'd say kike instead of n-word for inclusivity.

Ali discusses wearing graphic tees with memes, low-cut tops hiding acne, working at a restaurant where men don't make more, getting back massages from coworkers, and how revealing her shirt helps hide bad acne.

• Graphic tees bring memes to internet-less people.
• Low-cut tops hide acne; no one looks at face with tits out.
• Showed up late in revealing shirt, manager let it slide because of acne.

Young female comedian (just turned 21) discussing self-diagnosed mental illness called 'mental chillness,' family history of it, babysitting clinically depressed girl who's bad at songwriting about her own bullying.

• Self-diagnosed mental chillness runs in family; uncle chilled himself to death leaving note saying 'whatever'
• Babysit clinically depressed girl; her bullying song is badly written; told her 'you suck at songwriting too'

Got fired from movie theater for being unprofessional. Monotone voice makes sex awkward. Watches porn to learn how to sound alive during sex. Confuses porn star breathing with race car sounds.

• Monotone voice during sex: sounds like 'uh-huh, sure, chill' instead of porn star
• Can't tell if porn star breathing or race car: 'boom, thunder and lightning'

Self-deprecating material about monotone voice making compliments sound like mockery, and comparing pets' behavioral sensing abilities to joking about having cancer to avoid racism accusations.

• Monotone voice makes genuine compliments sound mocking, says cool hat sarcastically
• Pets sense tumors and seizures so joke about cancer to avoid racism perception

Joke about casual hookup where guy bragged about performance; she disagreed. Drake criticism for saying N-word as half-black, half-Jewish artist.

• Guy bragged about sex performance; she corrected him, she was the good one.
• Drake says N-word frequently despite being half-Jewish; disappointed in ratio.

Ali jokes about people asking what she jokes about, her friend Steve, ending a relationship, meeting boyfriend on Halloween dressed as Guy Fieri, aquarium trips, and how her haircut makes people think she's a predator.

• Met boyfriend on Halloween dressed as Guy Fieri; he'd say take me to flavor town during sex.
• Aquarium visit: her haircut makes parents think she loves kids too much.

Ali jokes about inadequate restaurant training being like a game of telephone, describes the break room as a prison cell, and wishes a difficult customer would actually work there instead.

• Restaurant training is like telephone game; three-day training then training someone new with unclear rules.
• If a blind person worked at her job they'd be better than her; unclear if more offensive to blind people or her.

Macofsky discussed tying cherry stems with her tongue to impress guys, having two older sisters, boyfriend meeting them, and insecurity about boyfriend's interest.

• Tying cherry stems with tongue doesn't impress guys; they picture dick wrapped like bowtie.
• Boyfriend wants to hang with sisters more; worried he wants to date them.

Regular performer who does new material weekly. Jokes about people who believe in crystals and chain messages from her dad about bad luck.

• People believe more in crystals than actually owning them
• Dad sent chain message; he won't live long to worry about curses

Ali describes Coachella experiences, comparing people's lack of unity at festivals, jokes about cutting lines and comparing girls to Neapolitan ice cream. She discusses her inability to orgasm.

• Girl at Coachella crying during Lil Uzi Vert's song about dead friends.
• Line-cutting girl looks like Neapolitan ice cream square candy.

No set recap for this appearance.

Set about concert experience with flamboyant guy at bar tipping $100, offering him money when he asks if she's a lesbian, joke about musicians being better than comedians in bars.

• Flamboyant guy tips bartender $100, she jokes she can also be tipped
• Musicians better than comedians in bars - people can mosh to music

Macofsky discusses cutting all her hair off and how happy she is because no one makes rude comments anymore, comparing reactions to her hair with unplanned pregnancy questions.

• Hair cutting ends rude comments; reactions like unplanned pregnancy questions

Ali performs her weekly new minute about watching lesbian porn, Facebook algorithm changing ads to WNBA after, watching porn to sound more enthusiastic in bedroom, sounding like porn star or racecar during sex.

• Watches lesbian porn, Facebook ads change to WNBA, never actually watches WNBA.
• Watches porn to sound enthusiastic in bedroom, ends up moaning like racecar.

Set about new haircut and how people compare her appearance to various celebrities based on the haircut alone, not her face. Included jokes about being compared to less attractive celebrities after cutting long hair.

• After long black hair, no one compared her to pretty celebrities like Jennifer Lawrence.
• People compare her to celebrities who died of overdose or lost hair (David Bowie 'doing fine').

Ali mentioned working in a reptile exhibit and wearing shirts because she has no jokes. She did a new joke about her cousin on a paleo diet comparing it to caveman eating, then a joke about great white sharks not eating for three months that she didn't finish.

• My cousin's on paleo diet eating like cavemen, but cavemen died at 22
• Great white sharks don't eat three months, joke unfinished

Ali Macofsky tells a story about having respectful sex with a man she met online in New York who treated her well, went on a date first, and provided condoms.

• Had respectful sex for first time with man who didn't assume they'd have sex
• Guy had condom ready without discussion, unlike other men

Ali discusses loving New York because of Law & Order SVU, making jokes about the show's episodes and victim categories. She delivers a minute about the show's formula and her childhood.

• Thought Special Victims Unit meant victims who were special
• Mom called her special growing up, asked to use different word

New minutes weekly. Discusses haircut looking like porn stars, watching porn to see actresses' makeup/faces. Jokes about porn actresses fake reactions and pain expressions during scenes.

• Porn actresses do same pain face like sucking smoothie through small straw
• Now know exactly when people jack off because of my porn star lookalike haircut

Jewish comedian discusses hooking up with white supremacist in high school who had tiki torches, never having a bat mitzvah because her dad said it was too expensive.

• Didn't know boyfriend was white supremacist, thought tiki torches meant he loved luaus
• Never had bat mitzvah because dad said too expensive, confirms being 'really Jewish'

Ali jokes about receiving unsolicited dick pics after discussing them on stage, mimics older Black women singing like Aretha Franklin, and wishes they'd use that vocal talent outside church.

• Dick pics came true after discussing them on stage; Instagram DM immediately delivered one.
• Older Black women can hit Aretha Franklin notes; wishes they'd use it outside church.
• Black women at Chipotle and Comcast could use their vocal powers in everyday settings.

Ally discusses getting fired/not scheduled at job; shaved head makes everything seem intense; receives dick pics and responds treating them like food menus; describes swiping on Bumble while watching Game of Thrones.

• Shaved head makes walking a poodle look like dog training, gets dick pics
• Responds to dick pics like food menu: 'Mmmm that looks nice'
• Swiped Bumble whole time watching Game of Thrones for validation, not dates

Comedy about getting friend-zoned by her haircut, being sexually assaulted on a skateboard on Hollywood Boulevard, and questioning the value of doing a one-minute set weekly when you don't learn anything.

• Getting friend-zoned by my own haircut
• Sexually assaulted on skateboard on Hollywood Boulevard
• Never learn anything from one-minute sets like gym progress

New material about recent haircut and 2003 Subaru purchase making her look like lesbian stereotype, father introducing daughters like pimp, mother sharing photos with Verizon employees.

• New haircut changed life, added 2003 Subaru for full lesbian look
• Father introduces daughters like pimp, mother shares photos with Verizon employees

Regular weekly performer. Set about practicing handwriting in middle school to impress girls, suicide note penmanship joke, role-playing chiropractor scenario, and skincare routine causing dry lips and peeling skin for a month.

• Practiced handwriting as kid; thought it would make girls like him; suicide note joke about penmanship
• Told guy she's into kinky stuff; actual kink was pretending he's her chiropractor
• Using acne cream dries out skin; lips peeling for month; keeps peeling skin thinking 'this is the old me'

Ali performs weekly new minute. Discusses friend who she thinks is psycho, friend named Armand being Armenian, and self-defense classes for future psychos.

• Friend is psycho; no self-defense class for psychos who haven't acted yet
• Friend Armand is Armenian; 75% of his name is where he's from

Ali performs minutes about being illiterate, misunderstanding veganism, thinking lettuce makes you vegan, eating poorly at Chipotle with sour cream, and weight gain anxiety.

• Didn't know illiterate meant until high school; thought she was illiterate
• Ordered chicken wrap with lettuce; thought lettuce made her vegan

Ali opens in Van Halen shirt, discusses deleting Bumble app because no beekeepers on it and girls must message first. Bio said 'looking for my dad' with sexual tension; mentions inappropriate dad.

• Bumble app for dating not bees; no beekeepers on platform
• Bio said 'looking for my dad'; sexual tension with father

Ali followed a magician's set, joked about magicians not revealing tricks. Made self-deprecating humor about depression and low self-esteem making her horny like 'a sad baby.'

• Magicians won't tell tricks but she won't either due to years of depression
• Low self-esteem makes her horny but comes off like sad baby who deserves nothing

Jewish identity comedy about not being considered Jewish because her mom isn't Jewish (dad is). Dark joke about attending anti-white-supremacist rally where white supremacists called her slurs, validating her Jewish identity for the first time.

• People say she's not really Jewish because dad is; went to rally, white supremacists confirmed it

Macofsky, with her mother in attendance, discussed wondering whether she has her mother's or father's genitals, comparing her niece's features, and asking her mom if her vulva hangs to the left.

• Wondering if she has her mom's or dad's genitals, can't ask family
• Contemplating asking her mom and dad about vaginal features in their family

Ali discusses moving out of her dad's house where he rented rooms to sketchy cigar shop acquaintances (John with beard, Brandon who shapes skateboards), and a dark joke about her dog being put down.

• Dad rents out rooms to cigar shop acquaintances: John with beard, homeless Brandon
• Dad put down the family dog; first love that licked her asshole

Set about being crazier than other girls, differences in waxing techniques between New York and LA. Discussed dating men with energy drink addictions and figuring out romantic compatibility patterns.

• In LA waxing laid on back crouched, in NY on stomach pulling cheeks apart.
• Every guy she hooks up with has crippling energy drink addiction.
• Red Bull gives you wings but it gives her disappointment in men.

Worked at pretentious movie theater doing pre-film announcements. Joke about greeting Schindler's List to sold-out dome theater, then using same greeting at manager's funeral.

• Greeted packed Schindler's List showing, crowd went wild at announcement
• Used movie theater greeting at manager's funeral with runtime and cast

Recently returned from three-week trip to London, Paris, and Germany. Discusses watching a riot in London with no guns (making it happy), jokes about Jewish/German meetings, noticed British toilet has two holes.

• London riots are happier without guns, everyone too drunk to care about loss.
• Jewish/German meetings are awkward, Jewish people always worried about big deal.
• European toilets have water coming from front and back simultaneously.

Ali, 19 years old, discussed getting a hernia surgery in third grade in an uncomfortable area, her doctor's casual 'pubes' comment, assumptions about her future pubic hair, and judging people on the street before catching herself.

• Doctor casually said hernia scar won't show once she gets pubes
• Judged street people then caught herself, realized she's not better

19-year-old regular discussing getting colonoscopy in ninth grade to relate to father. Material about doctor taking picture saying 'say cheese' when lactose intolerant. Bit about new glitter pills and bloody glitter.

• Got colonoscopy in ninth grade to relate to father
• Doctor said 'say cheese' despite being lactose intolerant
• Glitter pills make poop sparkly but bloody glitter not cute

Set about double standards of guys saying 'all girls are beautiful' while also calling girls ugly. Girls don't reciprocate by saying 'all guys deserve the tightest'; women have insecurities. Joke about not shaving pubic hair since 9/11, playing on timing of her puberty.

• Guys say all girls beautiful but also call girls ugly; girls don't reciprocate same way.
• Hasn't shaved pubic hair since 9/11 because her bush came in that year; 9/11 caused her bush.

Ali performs about Santa Monica helicopter scare from a gunman, finding news photo of suspect in board shorts and sandals, questioning how casually he was dressed.

• Gunman arrested in board shorts and sandals; questions about fedora and longboard

19-year-old Ali discusses acne treatment, dermatologist recommending birth control, jokes about condoms as acne prevention, and party balloon innuendo for quinceañeras.

• Birth control clears acne, stopping it causes breakouts
• Condoms from birth control as quinceañera balloons

Set about having a naturally sarcastic monotone voice people misinterpret. Discusses wanting to read eulogies with sarcasm and modern cremation practices.

• Monotone voice makes genuine compliments sound like I'm being a bitch.
• Want to read eulogies at funerals sounding like I'm mocking the dead person.
• It's 2015, why bury ourselves like vampires? Just cremate like normal people.