Kill Tony #722 — Brian Simpson, Yannis Pappas
Guests: Brian Simpson · Yannis Pappas
Lineup
Set: Jolly discussed his experience in Texas compared to Florida, Walmart workers' language shifts, and his observational humor about customer service interactions with a focus on accent and cultural differences.
Interview: Discussed his current life playing bingo at Ben White Boulevard, past financial struggles, and his merchandise business selling shirts online.
- Walmart employee changes behavior based on ice shirt (cultural signifier)
- Compares undercover crackhead appearance to looking broke
- Golden ticket winner who opens the show
- Brian Simpson makes joke about undercover crackhead appearance
Set: Platts discussed being a full custody father, his son's sports scholarship, puberty blockers joke, son's age (18/19), draft registration joke for dating apps, and lying about height on Tinder (claiming 6'4).
Interview: Discussed his son's plasma donation work, his own solar construction job, dirt bike riding in Colorado, dating app failures, and leftover food storage habits (notably a week in the fridge).
- Son has sports scholarship, jokes about puberty blockers effectiveness
- Threatening to enlist son in Ukraine war as empty nester strategy
- Claims 6'4 on dating apps but likely much shorter
- Extended discussion about leftover food storage in refrigerator (one week)
- Panel discusses his difficulty answering straightforward questions
Set: Cruz discussed being overweight, lying about height on Tinder (5'9 vs 5'5), height surgery options, and a joke about adding three inches where it counts (as a reference to sexual anatomy).
Interview: Measured at 5'3.5" with shoes, El Salvadorian background, father died of pancreatic cancer in 2020, delivers snacks for work, discusses dating challenges and sexual performance issues.
- Strip club employee plays with his sensitive nipples
- Height surgery would only add 3 inches - better used elsewhere
- Tony offers shot of tequila if Henry under 5'3, measures 5'3.5"
- Extended interview about sexual performance issues and asthma inhaler usage
Set: Knuckles discussed weight loss (40 lbs lost, 20 gained back), sleep apnea, type 1 diabetes, peeing frequently, lazy eye, and used various bodily function jokes for dating profile humor.
Interview: Discussed dog sitting work in Austin, living there 15 years, college background, making jewelry on Instagram (@Jessie Boots), and story about sexually harassing coworkers while making cowboy boots.
- Lost 40 lbs then gained 20 back - back to rodeo situation
- Type 1 diabetes causes excessive peeing men mistake for squirting
- Lazy eye and sleep apnea combined keep men awake at night
- First person to receive a big joke book, praised for self-deprecation
- Yannis makes crude comment about fat white girls and skinny men
Set: Ridley discussed having a severely autistic brother, the irony of his brother performing well during evaluations vs real-world inability to maintain employment, and suicide references.
Interview: Discussed his 30-year-old autistic brother in Virginia on disability (or trying), his own full-time standup since April, podcast income ($150/month Patreon), roast battle hosting ($70), and house husband role while girlfriend works.
- Severely autistic brother excels at mental evaluation tests, fails at life
- Coached by panel to finish his set properly
- Discussion of froggy style sexual position with detailed explanation
- Revealed he previously worked for Kill Tony at Mothership opening
Set: Suri discussed attempting skydiving but being rejected due to weight, umbilical hernia caused by obesity, calculating his net worth at current body weight in gold ($15.4M), and weight/job loss issues.
Interview: Discussed hernia surgery options, lost 90 lbs at health institute then regained, recently lost job as quality manager at beverage company after 4 months, previously in food safety auditing.
- Too fat to skydive; reserve chute won't support his mass
- Umbilical hernia means fat stomach escaping through belly button
- Boss said idea worth weight in gold; calculates $15.4M net worth
- Tony asks to see his hernia protrusion, pulls out belly button mass
- Sang opera at Carnegie Hall - performance is awkward and derided
Set: Polk discussed Texas immigration debate (California, New Mexico wall), Austin serial killer at Ladybird Lake targeting gay men, friend thinking he's the murderer, and loving gay men.
Interview: Professional poker player, won spot on show by beating Tony in Texas Hold'em poker match (5:30 AM), runs Lodge Card Club in Austin, won $10M in poker tournaments, lost $1M one weekend.
- Texas immigration debate: build wall, make New Mexico pay, blame Californians
- Friend thinks Doug is Ladybird Lake serial killer; Doug loves gay men
- Won Kill Tony spot by poker match with Tony at 5:30 AM
- Told story of losing $1M online, encountering Glee star's suicide in same hotel
- Panel expresses attraction to Doug throughout interview
Set: Abraham discussed being white-passing on phone, racial identity confusion in Austin, Indian/Puerto Rican/Pakistani heritage, religious background (Jewish/Catholic/Satan worshipping joke), and different cultural identities.
Interview: Discussed previous appearance 2.5 years ago, works as experienced designer building apps/websites for Fortune 500, parents call comedy a 'program', Pentecostal Pakistani preacher father, banned from multiple comedy clubs.
- Identity confusion: white-passing, people think he's Black, actually Indian/Puerto Rican
- Religious background: Jewish dad, Catholic mom, personally worships Satan
- Banned from Sunset Strip, Creek in the Cave, Cap City for Hindu swastika joke
- Told elaborate Hitler/swastika joke about reclaiming Hindu symbol
Set: Lee discussed Thai mother and Irish father (Tyrish), arguing with mother about 'Oriental' vs 'Asian', grocery store anecdote about cashier assuming mother doesn't speak English despite shouting.
Interview: Started standup in 2006, took 12-year hiatus to raise three kids (one bio son, two stepsons), returned one year ago, finalist on Search for Funniest Mom in America S2 with Leanne Morgan, recently headlined Dallas Comedy Club.
- Mother insists on being called Oriental; argument at checkout
- Mother doesn't understand why cashier screams at her despite language barrier
- Old joke: mother talks about how cute her ass (donkey) is at work
- Revealed stepmom energy and paid for breast augmentation
- Met band member Carlos at allergy clinic while he was touring with Jason Mraz
- Told classic bit about mother and donkey named Abel at ranch
Kelly Lusk
Set: Lusk performed one-woman physical comedy bit about childhood photos showing striking difference from blonde sister; sister told her she was found in trash in Mexico; mother made her wear sign denying adoption.
Interview: Born and raised in Austin, executive assistant in corporate, has boyfriend who is engineer, paints textured art, writes jokes, fourth time doing standup, no DNA test done with sister.
- Grew up looking Samoan as girl; sister blonde; obvious favoritism shown
- Mother made her wear sign: not adopted, dad not Mexican, belongs to family
- Panel stunned by childhood photo showing dramatic racial/ethnic difference from sister
- Discussed possibility of different father based on appearance
Set: Montgomery performed rapid-fire topical jokes: Diddy/Afrika comparisons, Daft Punk French robot stereotypes, marijuana ban in Texas, egg prices and girlfriend selling jokes.
Interview: Discussed stormy weather arriving at Mothership during storm, loves the rain for plants, has plants in bedroom, experienced full-time performer with record appearances on show.
- Osama bin Laden's pornos were actually Diddy and Afrika videos
- Daft Punk French robots: smoke cigarettes and cheat on wives
- Egg prices so high he's selling his girlfriend
- Hall of famer introduced with elaborate nickname praise