Kill Tony #423 — Theo Von
Guests: Theo Von
Lineup
Set: Self-deprecating jokes about smelling like Cool Ranch Doritos, her paralyzed father, her boyfriend's cheating, and an Apple Watch reminding him to stand up.
Interview: Discussed her background as a jazz major from Vegas/Portland/Orange County, her year-and-a-half relationship with a man she was seeing while he had another girlfriend, and her father's paralyzing car accident at age 8.
- Her dad's Apple Watch reminds him to stand up, but for him it just reminds her he's paralyzed.
- Her father is not in the Mafia despite buying a farm where everyone died.
- Tony questioned her affair with her current boyfriend while he was with another girl, revealing she broke up with him every Saturday for a year.
Set: Jokes about being bullied while homeschooled, his girlfriend's bulimia, pretty girls at the gym, his mom breastfeeding him, and growing up close with his mother.
Interview: Discussed being nearly a year into stand-up, his job as an instructional designer building online courses, his morning routine writing jokes, and his 18-month relationship with his girlfriend.
- His girlfriend told him she was bulimic; he said maybe she's stressed about being fat.
- Pretty girls at the gym wipe down machines after working out, ignoring that he came to watch.
- Tony complimented his tight joke writing and noted this is only his second time on the show after murdering his first set.
Set: First-time comedian sharing explicit material about face-fucking, his addiction to the act, and dating bulimic women as a solution because they don't mind it.
Interview: Revealed he's 40 years old, an Operations Manager at a rental car company, his mother died of diabetes in 2007, and he's never been to prison. His father worked for Delta Airlines and still lives in Utah.
- He only dates bulimic women because they don't mind face-fucking; he maxes his credit card at Cheesecake Factory.
- Eric immediately apologized for his set and has never performed stand-up before this night.
- Theo made a joke about Eric's appearance looking like he has a hitchhiker face and steals clothes from a cholo's yard sale.
Set: Second-time comedian joking about his breakup, dividing sex toys, getting dumped after a one-night stand where the girl called another guy's name during sex, causing him to finish quickly.
Interview: Been doing stand-up for two years, works as an assistant director, from small-town Iowa (home of Maytag), has been in LA for five years. Discussed a blackout drunk incident at a holiday party where he threw up on the floor.
- New girlfriend called out another guy's name during sex; he came immediately because that embarrassed him most.
- His breakup involves dividing sex toys; she wants the vibrator, he wants the dog they shared.
- Brandon gyrated excessively at the end of his set which was noted as embarrassingly long by the panel.
- Theo gave genuine feedback that Brandon has a good heart but has done people dirty in his life.
Set: Second-time performer from south Louisiana discussing domestic violence in his upbringing, a phrase 'jambalaya so good make you slap your mama,' attending Catholic school, and a priest (Father Jacobs) who made him left-handed.
Interview: Moved to LA three months ago from Dallas where he spent a year. He's become a sperm donor through a sperm bank, attempting to donate three times per week while remaining celibate between donations for prime quality.
- Growing up in south Louisiana, jambalaya was so good it made you want to slap your mama; his dad took this literally.
- A nun saw him writing left-handed in Catholic school and said the devil touched him; actually Father Jacobs did.
- Last episode they cut up and burned his ex-girlfriend's t-shirt on stage to help him get over her.
- Theo revealed he actually knows CJ and bought him food at a seafood restaurant in Addison, TX during a previous tour.
- CJ is now a sperm donor and detailed the process including sitting on a plastic chair without a bottom, watching porn on his phone, and getting paid $300 for a prostate check.
Set: Regular comedian making dark jokes about his brother getting hoof-and-mouth disease, soiling his pants, his daughter's beauty pageants, and referencing JC Penney.
Interview: Discussed missing the 420 show next week to go home to Memphis for Christmas, his brother's hoof-and-mouth disease with scarring, and revealed Red Band texted his father about him needing to see a doctor.
- His brother was diagnosed with hoof-and-mouth disease from kissing horses in Mississippi.
- If he has a little girl, he'd put her in beauty pageants ages 3-5 so he can dress her up and pose her.
- William appeared to be drinking Listerine during the interview, which Tony and the panel questioned.
- William casually mentioned that Theo invited him to open for him in Phoenix, which Theo seemed surprised about.
Set: Regular comedian with a half-white grandmother discussing how he views white people differently, white people following Black people in grocery stores, and praising Paula Deen's fried chicken despite her racist slurs.
Interview: Recently did a show in San Diego with William Montgomery that had 85-90 people. Went to Tijuana for four hours, almost missed his show getting back through border, bought cheap liquor, and discussed his sperm donor experience and holiday shopping.
- White people following Black people in stores aren't racist, they're just learning to cook like watching someone make meatloaf.
- Paula Deen is the only white lady he knows who can cook; she can call him a slur because her fried chicken is so good.
- Tony praised David as a regular who consistently lands the best jokes of the night.
- Discussion of David's birthday on December 28th and his mother managing his bank account for him and his daughter.
Set: First-time performer joking about spending money on street food despite health violations, ignoring gloves on vendors, an ugly person with a hickey, and going to a funeral.
Interview: 100% Mexican, recently moved from Riverside to LA, his father was a truck driver and mother was a crossing guard at elementary school who witnessed a shooting. He currently lives in a van and works as a driver.
- Street food vendors aren't wearing gloves but make amazing tacos; he'd rather get food poisoning from them than Subway.
- An ugly person with a hickey is confusing because ugly people shouldn't have visible proof they're having sex.
- Frankie played guitar on stage, doing the intro to 'La Bamba' as part of his set, bringing down the house.
- Tony complimented Frankie's eyes being small for his head, creating an awkward but funny moment.
Set: First-time performer with smart writing discussing Twilight vampires not contracting AIDS despite drinking blood, and calling someone 'King of the Jews' as an out-of-context insult from the Bible.
Interview: 24 years old from New Orleans, displaced by Katrina, has been doing stand-up for 8 months, works at a cryotherapy studio using nitrogen gas. Never had a long-term girlfriend but kissed a girl in March at karaoke in Santa Monica.
- Twilight vampires drink human blood but AIDS is never mentioned; explains why they don't go out in daylight—most died in the 90s.
- Calling someone 'King of the Jews' is still a good insult even though it's from the Bible and makes no sense out of context.
- Tony set up Egan with a girl in the audience for his first Hollywood kiss, which happened on stage as the episode ended.