Kill Tony #659 — David Spade, Dave Attell
Guests: David Spade · Dave Attell
Lineup
Set: Casey performed an absurdist set about swallowing grapes whole as a child, not being a king, and singing on The Voice. Mixed surreal observations with physical comedy and odd premises.
Interview: Discussed his writing process of remembering funny moments, singing different songs weekly as part of a Nashville thing, and showed fake photos with David Spade from various events including the Challenger disaster.
- Used to swallow grapes whole until age 12, would choke three times weekly, mother said 'you're not a king'
- People's Temple cocktail - 'Shirley Temple but Jonestown style' with Vicodin instead of dying
- Casey showed multiple fake Photoshopped pictures claiming to be with David Spade at various events
- Established Casey as new regular with uninterrupted 60-second set, praised by panel
Set: Caleb discussed his religious upbringing, evolution vs monkeys, foot job porn as proof of evolution, his father's homophobic views, and anatomical functions during sexual acts.
Interview: Discussed 13 years doing comedy in NYC, recent move to Austin, Costa Rican vasectomy for $250 with a doctor who told jokes, his estrangement from his father over Black Lives Matter activism.
- Evolution proof: foot job porn shows monkeys freeing hands to eat bananas
- Every hole in human body has non-sexual function, wait before using sexually (sandwich analogy)
- Tony and band attempted to call Caleb's estranged father during interview using guessed phone number
- Caleb revealed 4-year estrangement from father due to Black Lives Matter march, father called him dumb
Set: JP made jokes about being adopted by Italian parents while being Korean, his girlfriend cheating with Hans Kim, and absurdist observations about cultural identity and relationships.
Interview: Discussed being adopted at 2 weeks old from Korea, lawsuit with ex-girlfriend over YouTube channel breakup, living in car, tight pants causing blood flow issues, and ambiguous sexuality after 10-year relationship.
- White people buy Asian babies but Asians don't buy white babies (c-student joke)
- Girlfriend cheated with Hans Kim, thought it was him because they look same
- JP did exactly one minute timing, got extra validation from panel
- Revealed legal dispute with ex-girlfriend over YouTube channel, drove from Orlando to Austin just for Kill Tony
- Panel commented on extremely tight Lululemon pants, speculation about compression and sexuality
Set: Giovanni joked about dating in Austin, Reiki massage instead of actual massage, being 30 and caring about yards, and observations on aging through home ownership desires.
Interview: Discussed working at Shakespeare's next door, year of consistent comedy, sacrificed truck and communication with mom, DACA recipient status, undocumented immigrant from Mexico, and preference for black women and white drugs.
- Back problem date: girl gave Reiki massage instead of real massage, asked to rake his back
- Being 30: every drive by house makes him think 'nice yard', is now a yard guy
- Revealed DACA recipient status, undocumented immigrant status, can't leave country or be denied re-entry
- Discussed serious life sacrifices for comedy: truck repossession, stopped calling mother, plays character on stage
- Returned to stage, wore towel as trademark, previous appearance a year ago
Set: Corey told stories about random cheap haircut places with no English-speaking barbers, getting clipped markers held to head, and receiving the default white person haircut.
Interview: Discussed 11 years of stand-up, being a storyteller, lost 185 pounds through jiu jitsu, had two threesomes in one week with detailed descriptions, no performance drugs but monitors heart due to history of obesity.
- Random haircut places identified by number and scissor logo, hairdresser assumes all white people want same cut
- Extended interview where Corey detailed having two different threesomes within 12 hours with explicit details
- Revealed major weight loss transformation from 335 pounds through jiu jitsu, now having frequent sexual encounters
- Got roasted by Dave Attell for weak set, praised during interview for honesty about lifestyle
Set: Martin joked about starting a true crime podcast but having to kill people first, Dalmatians at firehouses, not being married because he's too wild, treating vacations like jobs.
Interview: Discussed 10 years doing comedy, impersonating RFK Junior, received email from fan in open marriage offering to sign NDA, passionate about connecting with audience, working on special project.
- True crime podcast - have to kill people first, like/subscribe with police hot air contest
- Can't figure out why Dalmatians at firehouses, realizes they pet the dog when house burns
- Treat vacation like job: look forward to it, get there it sucks, but try to have good time
- Golden ticket winner, consistently praised, one of greatest golden ticket winners in show history
- Discussed RFK Junior impersonator persona, physical resemblance, timing with presidential campaign
- Revealed fan contact story: received email and tracker message, woman in open marriage hadn't been with anyone in 5 years
Set: Colt made jokes comparing himself to dying/becoming Dane Cook, discussed weird interactions on 6th Street including albino people eating ass, Palestine pun about pals with steins, and light politics.
Interview: Discussed being Austin local 3 years, formerly ran martial arts academy, closed during COVID, now sound guy at Sunset Strip, does 14 mics per week, yo yo champion, spins plates on sticks.
- Either die as Matt Rife or live long enough to become Dane Cook
- Albino people eating best ass because they have pink eye already
- Palestine joke - 'they're not pals with any steins'
- Performed high kick demonstrations on stage, revealed fourth degree black belt in taekwondo
- Demonstrated yo yo tricks: walking the dog, rock the baby, around the world
- Revealed life changed by Kill Tony, closed martial arts academy post-COVID, moved to Austin
Zebulon
Set: Zebulon discussed celebrating 20 years of marriage to chronic pain after spinal injury, morphine not getting him high but making him constipated, fentanyl patches not working, contemplating divorce from pain.
Interview: Lost 130 pounds past year, formerly Zeb Green now uses full name Zebulon for stage presence, aerospace industry worker made disabled by car accident, spinal cord stimulator installed, tried morphine, fentanyl, alcohol, weed, mushrooms—nothing worked.
- Married to chronic pain for 20 years, pain is on his back, morphine made him constipated
- Took 180mg morphine daily, never got high, just super constipated, 'definitely wasn't the shit'
- Thinking about divorcing pain, she's always on his nerves, hasn't had courage to pull trigger
- Dave Attell gave Zebulon an actual balloon to help with pain level from 10 to 4/5
- Revealed been doing mics for just over a year but has 25 minutes of proven material
- Discussed suicidal ideation, how comedy saved his life, quit eating to lose weight, carried own chair for comfort
- Offered spot on Dave Attell's Thursday show for performance
Set: Kent joked about appropriating Indian culture on Tony's arranged date, legs shaking when nervous (he's horny), sister's car accident on International Women's Day, and Parkinson's orgasm question.
Interview: Second time pulled in weeks, confirmed he's still virgin after Tony's arranged date at fancy restaurant, wasn't attracted to date girl, wants to lose virginity naturally with buddy's introduction, 20 years old.
- When nervous legs shake from inappropriate horniness, not nervousness from imagine audience naked
- Sister had car accident on International Women's Day, would've celebrated differently
- If Parkinson's patient has orgasm, do they stop shaking?
- Tony and Red Band set up arranged date last time, Kent went but wasn't attracted, didn't have sex
- Kent insists on losing virginity naturally through friend introduction rather than assisted setup
- Revealed height of six-foot-three, works no stable job, very socially awkward, focuses only on comedy
Nate Barnard
Set: Nate opened with controversial school shooter dating app joke (Column Vine), made OnlyFans jokes, Lance Armstrong/brother moon landing pressure joke, and crisis actor girlfriend jokes.
Interview: First time on show, 32 years old, 6 years doing comedy, started in Hartford Connecticut in Irish bars, works dairy at Whole Foods, enjoys electric city bikes, had first kiss with audience member Sarah.
- Dating app for school shooters called 'Column Vine' - get them shacking not shooting
- Girlfriend is crisis actor, gets upset about stuff that never happened
- Lance Armstrong took drugs but brother landed on moon - imagine that pressure
- Panel praised set recovery after controversial opening, moved best material to front would help
- Kiss Cam segment - audience member Sarah (Persian woman, corporate job) kissed Nate for first Austin kiss
- Revealed waited 1.5 years signing up to get pulled, only made it after getting kiss
- Booked Thursday secret show at Sunset Strip after interview
Set: Yvette told ribald joke about giving blowjob at Christmas party, guy had Santa belly, turned out to be her father, punchline was 'Merry Christmas' with dick in mouth.
Interview: First time stand-up ever, got tip at South by Southwest to try Kill Tony, second signup got picked, professional bartender/event server, Spanish/Indigenous heritage, moved to Austin recently.
- At Christmas party giving blowjob, guy had Santa belly, realized it was her father
- First-time stand-up comedian ever, wrote minute day after SXSW recommendation
- Panel and Tony coached her on joke writing and material development post-set
- Discussed Spanish/Indigenous heritage, Land O' Lakes butter joke callback
Set: William Montgomery mentioned briefly in Casey Rocket interview as having done road shows in Tacoma, Washington with Casey.